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Deep in the friend zone
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I suppose I had better introduce myself before I ask for relationship advice. My name is Alex and I am a student from New Zealand. I found this forum with stumbleupon, and as I am currently dealing with an (admittedly trivial) issue of the heart and I've been dying to talk to someone about it, that this seems a safe place to do so. I'm probably a little older than most of the people who come here for help, but I'm only 22 so I don't think it's weird yet for me to post here.
The issue is this: A new girl moved into my flat about a month ago. Basically she's more on my level than anybody I have met in years. Maybe ever. She's a weirdo, depressed, a druggie, vaguely racist, apathetic and morbid as all hell, which makes her a joy to be around because I'm all of those things too! She's also highly perceptive, witty, worldly, has good taste in movies and is just plain cool... Yeah you get get the picture, I'm smitten with her.
After she moved in we became fast friends, and from day one I was hoping the friendship would turn into something more, but I don't think that's the way things are going. I've tried to make flirty jokes, compliment her appearance, talk about other girls and the like to remind her that I have a penis, but I've either been too subtle or she deliberately hasn't noticed. Now she's telling me personal things, which in a way is good because it means she trusts me, but is also very very bad because she obviously doesn't feel like she needs to impress me. You don't tell a possible romantic interest about the time the corners of your mouth got infected from your bulimic vomiting, for example (She's not wrong to trust me, I would never have shared that were this not an anonymous web forum).
So here I am, deep in the friend zone. If we had any mutual female friends I'd just ask them to talk me up but we don't. Our only mutual acquaintances are our other flatmates, one of whom is an asshole and the other who is good hearted but so totally useless at subtlety that he would probably come out with "So Alex is pretty cool isn't he? I heard his ex say he's good in bed!" shortly before telling her everything. I've thought about telling her how I feel but I think this is a bad idea. She obviously only sees me as a friend right now, so it would only make things uncomfortable and rob me of my daydreams for no benefit. I have no idea how to proceed, I don't even really know what to ask. I'm in "like a brother" territory and I want out! I don't care that she's fucked in the head, or that she's my flatmate my mind is made up, I want her and sooner or later I'll make a move. I guess I just want advice on how to do this. Any help is appreciated.
The issue is this: A new girl moved into my flat about a month ago. Basically she's more on my level than anybody I have met in years. Maybe ever. She's a weirdo, depressed, a druggie, vaguely racist, apathetic and morbid as all hell, which makes her a joy to be around because I'm all of those things too! She's also highly perceptive, witty, worldly, has good taste in movies and is just plain cool... Yeah you get get the picture, I'm smitten with her.
After she moved in we became fast friends, and from day one I was hoping the friendship would turn into something more, but I don't think that's the way things are going. I've tried to make flirty jokes, compliment her appearance, talk about other girls and the like to remind her that I have a penis, but I've either been too subtle or she deliberately hasn't noticed. Now she's telling me personal things, which in a way is good because it means she trusts me, but is also very very bad because she obviously doesn't feel like she needs to impress me. You don't tell a possible romantic interest about the time the corners of your mouth got infected from your bulimic vomiting, for example (She's not wrong to trust me, I would never have shared that were this not an anonymous web forum).
So here I am, deep in the friend zone. If we had any mutual female friends I'd just ask them to talk me up but we don't. Our only mutual acquaintances are our other flatmates, one of whom is an asshole and the other who is good hearted but so totally useless at subtlety that he would probably come out with "So Alex is pretty cool isn't he? I heard his ex say he's good in bed!" shortly before telling her everything. I've thought about telling her how I feel but I think this is a bad idea. She obviously only sees me as a friend right now, so it would only make things uncomfortable and rob me of my daydreams for no benefit. I have no idea how to proceed, I don't even really know what to ask. I'm in "like a brother" territory and I want out! I don't care that she's fucked in the head, or that she's my flatmate my mind is made up, I want her and sooner or later I'll make a move. I guess I just want advice on how to do this. Any help is appreciated.
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I don't think flat out telling her is a good idea. If my feelings were reciprocated I'd be able to tell, and I'd just kiss her when the time was right. If I have to tell her how I feel then she will either be surprised, and I will seem too keen and blow any chance I might have had, or she will already know and have chosen to ignore it, and I will needlessly embarrass myself. I'd hate for her to move out but I doubt that would happen, I'd like to think I'm mature enough not to make her uncomfortable with unwanted affection, and I really doubt she's the sort to freak just because somebody has a crush on her. When the time comes if I do get rejected I'll just pretend like I don't really care, that whatever move I made was a spur of the moment thing and keep my discomfort to myself. I don't think I'm likely to lose the friendship because of this.
I'd like to not get rejected though, so any ideas on making her see that I am not this non-threatening, little brother-like dude she seems to think I am would be much appreciated.
HAHAHA! I can just imagine if I said that! "I'm a little horny, do you fancy a throw down?" We're messed up but we're still middle class, she'd look at me like I was from another planet!
But yeah being a bit drunk seems like a good idea. Neither of us are big drinkers (we both favour other poisons) but I'm sure we'll end up drinking together sooner or later.