Upset..

Former Member

There was a situation at work last night, quite a bad one and it has upset me a bit, I kinda feel guilty/responsable I suppose, to cut the story short,

A women came to the desk in tears, sat down on a sofa and her bf approched her, she screamed and asked for the police, I got my manager and went to call the police when her boyfriend came to the desk asking for his room key (they had a discussion in which she mentioned to him about physical violence (he bounced her head off a wall) which I overheard) he said "not to call the police and she finally agreeed) I got alot of aggro off of him and abuse verbal and threats of physical but it calmed down and they disapeared (I expressed my feelings that she should not go with him but she insisted it was alright) (the guys built like a fucking brick shithouse) anyway, i left thinking I hope they're be ok but I knew it wasn't right, my managers said just to keep an eye on it and not to get the police involved yet, anyway it transpires he hit her again and she got hospitalised last night, hes in the cells. its hit be quite a bit which is unusaral for me as usally I take things well. I just feel like if I had done something (called the police earlier) I might've stopped her ending up in the hospital.

I don't know if it stems from my father/mother where my father was violent or abusive or just me feeling guilty. did i do the wrong thing? I feel like I did. even though my managers said not to call them? Grrrr...

Former Member

No mate you didnt do anything wrong...who knows what could have happened last nite? He may not have continued his abuse but it is always best to leave it....I know how you feel....I too was abused by my father and grandfather so I can sympathise...

Former Member

becks27 wrote: »

No mate you didnt do anything wrong...who knows what could have happened last nite? He may not have continued his abuse but it is always best to leave it....I know how you feel....I too was abused by my father and grandfather so I can sympathise...

Thanks, it just feels that because I KNEW it happened and let him walk away, I feel as bad as he should, i spoke to the missus briefly but its doing ma nut in.

Former Member

I'm sorry to hear this has happened to you. It's very understandable that you're feeling somewhat guilty in case you could have prevented this.

It's so easy to think 'why didn't I do this or that?' afterwards, but you must keep in mind that you had both the woman and the manager telling you not to call the police. It's unlikely that the police would have been able to do anything either since the woman was insisting she'd be fine.

Domestic violence is usually hard to stop by a third party as the victim often refuses to admit something is going on and keeps going back.

Try not to blame yourself, there are some things we have no control over. Hopefully you won't find yourself in this kind of situation again.

Former Member

Hey mate....

Big hugs ( )

I know exactely how you feel

x

Former Member

sometimes there are times when there is nothing we can do to help someone in this situation...it is not good for us to feel helpless. Best thing you could do at that moment was nothing now though the man is behind bars and lets hope he stays behind them and the woman gets justice. No woman or man should be treated for no matter whatsoever in this way.

Former Member

There's very little you can do in these situations, if the girl explicitly says not to call the police then you'd just get aggro off them both if you did.

Certainly in England, if the woman doesn't stand up in court and say what happened then he will be acquitted. It's too depressing for words.

Former Member

I kinda feel if I filled a complaint, even for his behavour towards me (abuse n threats) it might've stopped it happening again that night, I know logically I did the right thing, emotionally I still feel guilty,

I guess, specially because she came back to the hotel and I saw her I feel bad seeing that, its one thing which seems to affect me, even more so than my grandfathers death, which is rediculous I know, I have another hour n a bit of work left but heh i feel shit. Idk, its weird typing this and feeling like this, its been so long since I felt this sad, this coupled with theos PMLE has made for a hell of a week,

I cant work out thought WHY I feel like this, I mean she should mean nothing, or affect me only a little bit and I cant work out why,

Sorry, just need to let lose.

I hope the fucker goes down, if not I have his fucking address :grrrrr:

Former Member

You didn't do anything wrong. If she decided to go with him it was her choice there's nothing you could've said that would've changed that.

Former Member

*hugs* you did the right thing, its just an unfortunate situation

Former Member

lea_uk wrote: »

You didn't do anything wrong. If she decided to go with him it was her choice there's nothing you could've said that would've changed that.

:yes: Both her and your Manger said not to report it and sometimes you hands are tied and you cant do anything else, even if you want to.

Sometimes these random things do upset you more then they should. Just make sure you give the police all the evidence you can to help with the enquires.

Former Member

well, she checked out early and left, and guess who picked her up :rolleyes: fuck it, if she goes back to him there is fuck all I can do, I feel for her, I am sorry for her n wish I could help, but you cannae help someone who doesn't want help.

Thanks for all the advice / support, but now he paid n picked her up there is nothing I can do and I know anything I would've done wouldnt matter as shes gone back to him