Dealing with a loved one with depression/ Self Harming

Former Member

Hi my partner has depression and lately she has been saying that she feels nothing and wants to take drugs although she has never touched drugs in her life before and is against them. I have said no to this and been told she wants to harm herself so that she can feel something she has self harmed before during this bad time but I have said that she cant do this, but really how can i stop her. I lost a friend in november last year he self harmed and i thought he was getting better but he hung himself. I am really at my wits end and fear i am going to loose her too

Former Member

hi,

have you read the section on this site about self harm and how to cope with a close friend who is suffering in this way.

Please read it may help and there might be other links there that you can try also?

Former Member

Nope not seen the section but i will have a look for it I am at my wits end with worry

Former Member

You have to let her know that your so scared that she might do the same, open your heart out to her and i would possibly suggest other ways to deal with anger and pain like

getting a punch bag
hitting her pillow
breathing techniques
noting down how she feels


just some ideas im sure there is plenty more.

Former Member

thanks graham for the advice.

I have tried over and over again to let her know how i am its breaking me down i am in my work the now and i just broke in to a panic attack.

I have stuck by her and will carry on sticking by her because i love her and i have been there before myself and know its not nice.

I'm getting scared that i am going back there myself and if i am what kind of help would i be?

Former Member

You dont have to fall back into it, by the sounds of things you sound under control and doing ur best to keep your partner safe, as long as you keep this up then the reward will be much better!

Have you thought about what caused this? and how tha could be fixed?

Former Member

god knows mate her doctors say that it appears to be going on from years back but have not actually pinned it on anything.

Now i am getting from her that she is fine and wont be going back to the doctors which she is clearly not fine so how am i meant to be able to help her if she is not willing to help herself?

Former Member

have you tried the National Self-Harm Network via the web....it says there is a message board and ways of helping.

Dont give up!

Former Member

I did find that earlier on the web Becks and these things are useful but now with her saying there is nothing wrong then persuading her to check them it will be impossible

Former Member

ok. Do you know where the self harm really stems from? Do you know the root of the problem....just dont give up, you say you love her and tell her this and whatever is the underlying problem is try to be patient with her. You said you self-harmed to....dont go back to it.

Former Member

or try this site info@harmless.co.uk ...if you google self harm to you will find more information and places where you need support.

I trust this helps?

Former Member

Hi I have self harmed for some time and suffered from Bipolar and BPD for most of my adult life. I have destroyed a relationship and lost most of my friends. But now I have taken hold of myself and make a new start in the west country. I still take the medication but I have sought new friends who I have been honest with. There friendship has given me the confidence to go on. You can only support your partner to the best of your ability and from your description you are doing that. Be strong for her and support her WHATEVER. there is a light. best wishes

Former Member

becks that was years ago i self harmed and had a couple of suicide attempts that landed me in hospital, i was suffering from depression and it was a hard time. I didnt mean i would self harm again, i learned after a serious suicide attempt that people around me e.g. friends and family where actually there for me and it was me hiding away from them. But what i meant is i feel myself slipping back in to depression and its not nice.

She is suffering from depression and i was going to say that is where the self harming started from but she was using forums on a girls magazine website about depression and these lassies on it was condoning self harming and i really dont think that has helped her. I am worried sick as i self harmed and that lead to suicide attempts. My mate self harmed and he killed himself in november.

Even if she was to come on to a site like this i think that would be ok as i dont see any signs of people saying its ok to self harm and you should have a self harm kit and so on, Seems like a nice bunch on here.

I really am lost on what to do i like to be a strong person but right now i just feel the walls are falling in from every side.

Former Member

thanks Ian

I am glad to hear you are doing much better

Former Member

Dont give up I am sure you are a strong person but you are stuck in what way to turn.

How do you want to see this situation improving and am sure you are giving her the best support you can right now so please dont give up on yourself or her.

What kind of depression is she suffering from?

I am sorry to hear about your situation to but your right this is a fab site for information and people to talk with.
You are right to that people self-harm because of depression does she talk about this to you.

Big hugs and try the web for more information, there might be a light at the end of tunnel, in talking to an expert which i am not.

Talking will help to.

Former Member

she is suffering from manic depression.

As i said over the last few years i have became a stronger person and although i dont feel that the now i know that i will be fine and wont slip back to any old ways.

She hardly ever talks to me about it although i always insist that if she needs to talk i will always be there to listen.

Now she is saying that she wont go back to the doctors or she wont take her anti-depressants and that there is nothing wrong with her and she just needs to self harm or take drugs to feel something. She has never touched a drug in her life.

Former Member

talking to her when you can will help...i think you need to talk to someone who is more an expert on these such matters. Have you tried to talk to anyone else or is the site.org your first port of call?
What is the reason for not seeing her GP?
I get depressed at times and sometimes wish that I can wash away all the pains and hurts in my life.

Former Member

Sounds like she is in self denial but deep down could there be something more seriously wrong? Do you know anything about her depression? Could you find out?

Former Member

If i seek any professional help then i get hated but at the same time if iv dont this situation may get worse.

Her reason for saying she does not need to see her GP is that she is now saying there is nothing wrong with her. But breaking down all the time, wanting to harm yourself, wanting to take drugs and so on in my opinion is not a sign of been better.

If anything over the last few weeks she has spiralled way down and thinking these actions are ok is worrying.

luc_b

Hi GarryB1986

It sounds like you're in a really difficult situation. It can't be easy to see someone you love in this way, but from what you say, you're doing a fantastic job at supporting her. Although it may not seem like you're having an affect on her decisions, I'm sure you're having a really positive impact just by being there for her

You could take a look at 'When a partner self harms' on TheSite.org, which may provide some useful guidance. Also remember to look after yourself through all this - it's important you realise your needs too!

Perhaps talking to someone will help. You can always call the Samaritans (08457 909090) - opening up and gaining a second perspective may help you. Alternatively, Sane offers practical information, crisis care and emotional support to anybody affected by mental health problems.

I really hope this helps. Do keep posting and please look after yourself.

Becca

Former Member

becks27 wrote: »

Sounds like she is in self denial but deep down could there be something more seriously wrong? Do you know anything about her depression? Could you find out?

its very hard to find out anything mate

Former Member

Has been seen by any other than her Gp ...I think it would be wise to seek further help with an expert.
You just being there is good and I am sure helps.

Who hates you? Surely this is done to help and by the sounds of what I am reading you both need some real advice from a proper expert.

Former Member

luc_b wrote: »

Hi GarryB1986

It sounds like you're in a really difficult situation. It can't be easy to see someone you love in this way, but from what you say, you're doing a fantastic job at supporting her. Although it may not seem like you're having an affect on her decisions, I'm sure you're having a really positive impact just by being there for her

You could take a look at 'When a partner self harms' on TheSite.org, which may provide some useful guidance. Also remember to look after yourself through all this - it's important you realise your needs too!

Perhaps talking to someone will help. You can always call the Samaritans (08457 909090) - opening up and gaining a second perspective may help you. Alternatively, Sane offers practical information, crisis care and emotional support to anybody affected by mental health problems.

I really hope this helps. Do keep posting and please look after yourself.

Becca

thanks Luc i will check out those links.

I feel as if i am useless and now when i try and help her with it all i get is she is better or she must have been misdiagnosed and this is very frustrating as i cant help her if shes not going to help herself and if anything, i just get told that i am wrong and she is fine. She never used to be in denial but now this is really scaring me.

I know i should seek some professional help but shes going to see it as me betraying her.

Former Member

becks27 wrote: »

Has been seen by any other than her Gp ...I think it would be wise to seek further help with an expert.
You just being there is good and I am sure helps.

Who hates you? Surely this is done to help and by the sounds of what I am reading you both need some real advice from a proper expert.

her doctor got her in touch with a councillor that has visited her once, that is it so that wasnt much help.

I would happily pay for a councillor or anything like that for her but the way she is now she wouldnt go.

Former Member

hi gary, I have depression and am on a forum called depressionforums.org which i think you could find really useful, in has a number of forums for different types of depression and medication as well as a relationship section where loved ones often go because they dont know how to deal with their family member's depression. All I can say is that i found it endlessly supportive, there are moderators that have been there and really know there stuff on hand ready to help go through the issues with you. It's completely OK to feel overwhelmed with what u are dealing with so give it a try. failing that keep posting here, and let us know how u get on x

Former Member

Hi evenstar thanks for the message i have taken a note of that website and will defo check it out I hope you are doing ok and if you ever need to talk just drop me a wee message.

Former Member

I used to self harm myself, but after years of help i have finaly stopped. but i no its not completly out of my system.
I did go out with a guy at one time who was self harming, and talking like you said your partner was. I think you just have to be there for them, suppport them and try and take there mind of things. it might be hard for you to understand exactly why she wants to do it, but im sure she has falued reasons even if she cant explain it out loud. Stick with it, becuase things will and can get better

Former Member

Hi iv posted a thread road to recovery y don't u read it it's a lil story about how I helped myself by eliminating harmful chemicals in food an drink cud be worth a try in 3days eliminating these harmful chemicals may get to the bottom of this u cud start by telling me what she eats n drinks an I can start eliminating and give u alternative foods n drinks and alternative brands it's bland but effective.