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I don't know what to do

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ok so this is my first thread so sorry if it is in the wrong section or anything. My doctor gave me this website and it is really good and everyone seems to help each other.
So these past 2 weeks I have been really bad, really depressed, I have started to return to old habits, skipping meals, cutting myself, not talking to people and just feeling extremely low.
I am in the middle of my A-Levels so not great timing! I can't revise, I just stare at my notes and in the silence dark thoughts take over my mind and I just want to hurt myself. It is like a vicious circle.
I would go to my doctor but she is away for a week and I am going to America in 10 days but right now I am not sure I should be going. I feel so awful and don't want to be doing these things when I am in America.
I think I have 4 main problems, self harming, eating (lack of), the relationship with my parents and sexual abuse. I think they are the 4 main things and then off them comes self esteem, guilt, anger, saying sorry, dependent, love, baby . . . . . .
I don't understand why I have been so bad recently someone said to me it could be stress from exams + a cumulation of things happening eg not getting Dr's appt then stress of waiting to hear back after your letter, giving my abuser's name to the police I don't know.
All I know is right now I feel really alone and upset and I just want something sharp to cut accorss my skin but nothing seems sharp enough and I know that it won't help but I don't know what to.

I am sorry I am not making much sense just feel really alone and upset. Sorry.


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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Souds like your going through a bad time and you need alot of support from your friends and family who you can trust, id take each of them 4 things and then work with them.. for instance the self harm, find other methods of releasing anger like getting a punch bag, hitting your pilow or just simple breathing techniques.

    After that just treat yourself, example if you stop for a week..go for a nice meal or something..

    The lack of eating is most likely because of the other 3 problems.. but you have to eat, try to eat little things like a sandwich now n again

    thats what i tink anyway dunno if wud help.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru

    Sounds like its all going a bit haywire for you at the moment and your right it might all be brought on by lots of different things which are making you stressed - but you aren't alone.

    At the moment your most important thing is to try and get through your A-levels as best you can and then concentrate on eveything else when you've got the time and space to do so. Have you tried revising with the radio on so you hae some back ground noise to destract you from your thoughts? Its also worthwhile setting yourself little goals to aim towards.

    However i think that you probably do need time to process everything which has happened to you and explore why you are so upset (from what you've said it sounds totally understandable that you are)

    Big Hugs
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru

    Let me start with the good news. . . I am feeling a little better. :) Far from being ok but not as bad as I was when I wrote that post.

    Thank you for replying :) it is nice to know that I am not alone! Because really I feel pretty alone.

    I have tried other self harm techniques but they don't give me the same buss I get when I see the blood on my arm. I am trying though trying to scratch my clothes instead.

    It is quite likely the eating is linked. I eat "normally" well I would say it is kind of normal when I am at home, when my parents are aroud but any chance I have I will skip a meal, walk instead of take the bus. It is always on my mind, how can I lose weight.

    When I revise I try to have my ipod playing and I have created a playlist of happier songs because if the song is sad/slow/moving it usually makes me feel worse. I will try setting myself goals which I can achieve. I love making to do lists so that might be a good idea.

    I will try these things. Thank you again for replying.

    I am happier because I have made another appointment with my doctor for Monday. Just have to hold on til then!

    Thank you
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Channa :wave:

    Let me start by welcoming you to the site,we have a great community,which offers support and advice, which Wyetry and grahaminneed have already given you.

    It sounds like you have been through such a lot and with your exams to top it off, your coping with a lot of stress.
    Its great to hear your feeling better and we like your idea of setting your self goals and to do lists , thats really positive.

    You spoke of 4 very big issues that are in your life and how old habits are coming back. What did you use to do before to stop these? could you do that again?

    It sounds like you have a understanding GP that you see which is great, There are other services you could use for added support,
    Child line is a free, confidental 24 hour service that may be able to help you build up your self esteem and help you explore how your feeling, or the samaritains 08457 90 90 90, this is 24hrs but there may be a charge.

    Also if you`ve not already looked round the site here are some links to help, stress, eating disorders and self harm

    Good luck, Take care :)
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