hopeless

Former Member

well...i have managed not to do any sh at all for aggess since last time i was on actually..but now once again i am soooo stressed..i have to move to dewsburry but i dont know how am going to tell my dad..i dont live with him he lives on his own and i have been putting it off for soo long.

i didnt realise that moving would be hard but i do understand that i need to do things i might not want for the people i love ( am moving with my partner )..i tried to talk 2 one of my friends last night and she just basically told me to get over myself..and she knows my past history great friend not!!..

i know it will not seem a big deal to anyone else but to me its like the whole world is against me..i find it hard to deal with every day situations..i am so hopless in everything i do!!..

so i have started gets urges to hurt myself once again which i really do not want to do at all..but as it was soo sunny and hot this weekend i sat out in the sun saturday and got burnt i diddnt think nowt of it at the time...but at night when it was hurting it felt good..and i know its not ment to..so the next day i sat out in it again to make it worse and i know its bad and can get skin cancer but i dont go on sun beds and i dont normally sit out in the sun!!..its just i am soo scared of what i might do next.

am sorry for ranting on i just needed to let of some steam and this seems the be the only place and it did help last time!..am such a freek!

Soph001

hiddenxxsecrets wrote: »

well...i have managed not to do any sh at all for aggess since last time i was on actually

I want to say well done on this brilliant achievement first - I hope you're remembering this as well as how tough it is.

You've recognised that self harm comes in all shapes and sizes, and what you're doing with your skin is a warning sign to get help in case you start to feel worse. (I'm sure you know all about it but here's the NHS guide to treating sunburn just in case).

So It's great you've started getting some of that help here. If you're feeling a bit daunted and like the whole world is against you, just take it in small steps. I don't know the details of the situation but having an action plan with a mixture of support and action, like this -
1) Phoning a support line
2) Speaking to a (better) friend
4) Finding a cheap travel solution to get back often, etc.
Could make the big things, like telling your dad, slightly easier.

It sounds like you've got cause to be stressed, so I think everyone will join me in saying you're not a freak! I really hope you start feeling better quickly. Keep posting!

Former Member

i kno my dad and no matter wat i say or do he will just kick off and i dont want him to stop talkin to me. he did it when i said i was moving out

its not just the situation with my dad its like making decisions on what to wear or what to watch on tv i find it all so stressfull

i start to feel worried when i have to leave the house coz i know i have to get on a bus and they are loads of people on it making so much noice and the same when i go into town. like when someones gone to the toilet and they flush the chain i get mad because its soo loud and i dont like it because it scares me

i get so nervouse when i have to make my own decision on things in my life..

altho you say am not a freek i am other wise i wouldnt be like this...i dont know what to do...maybe it wud be for the best if i wasnt around then my boyfriend would not have to worry about me and take time of work to look after me. he would be free!!

am just a loser with nothing left to lose

Soph001

:wave:
Please try not to label yourself like that, because if you take a look around this forum you'll see that everyone's different, and most people have suffered problems like this sometime in their lives.

hiddenxxsecrets wrote: »

i start to feel worried when i have to leave the house coz i know i have to get on a bus and they are loads of people on it making so much noice and the same when i go into town. like when someones gone to the toilet and they flush the chain i get mad because its soo loud and i dont like it because it scares me

It sounds like you might have a little mild agoraphobia. If you like, read either this NHS factsheet or this patient.co.uk one which is more descriptive, and see if you agree.

Agoraphobia normally appears with other symptoms, often panic and depression, and is VERY COMMON so again you're not a freak! Reading your other posts I know you've had a horrible time with doctors in the past, but you know you can always ask for a different one? You have real, treatable symptoms - no doctor in their right mind would laugh at you or just dismiss what you're saying.

I'm so sorry you're having a tough time and I really want to see you get the help you deserve. You have a lot in your life that you seem to love and value, like your dad and that wonderful boyfriend you've been telling us about!

Former Member

thank you for you help i looked at both of them options and it does seem like some of the symptoms i may have.

but i going to the docotor i still cannot do it i have tried before and i cannot go in not because people are there but because i am scared they may just dismis me. But i cannot cope so i think i will have to just face my fear on this one and go to the doctors maybe if i take my boyfriend with me then they might not just do it..as he will say something if he feels that i am not geting the best treatment.

thank you so much for your help today..i feel a bit better knowing that they be a reason for my acting this way and it isnt just me

Soph001

I think taking your boyfriend along for moral support is a brilliant idea, even if he stays in the waiting room.

Another thing that might help is booking the appointment and then phoning NHS direct as a first step - the number is 0845 46 47. You'll be talking to health professionals - a nurse and then a doctor, probably - just as if you'd gone along to a surgery. If they tell you it's a good idea to go to your GP, you'll know you are right. If they just dismiss your symptoms as you fear, you can always cancel it.

Remember what those websites say: agoraphobia is one of the most common mental health conditions, affecting 4-5% of the population, and often affects young adult women. Doesn't it sound like you've got every right to go to the doctor and voice your concerns? Every person deserves to get good healthcare when they need it, including you - you're a good person who may be suffering unnecessarily. Of course you don't have to go to the doctor and no-one would blame you if you didn't, It just might feel great to have a little control over your situation.

Former Member

but if i ring up NHS direct wat do i say to them?? i think i may have agroaphobia.

i am seriously concidering going to the doctor but i wud rather my boyfriend be in there with me than in the waiting room

Soph001

You could explain that you're a bit nervous talking to medical professionals, but you've got some symptoms that are making your life very difficult and you wanted to get them checked out?

I'm sure if you want your boyfriend to be there that's ok - just explain the same thing. There is an article here about Visiting your Doctor for self harm problems, which could be useful, and there are lots of links on the right. Good luck!