If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Options
Isolated and without hope
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I get the impression rightly or wrong that the huge majority of contributors to websites dealing ith depression or loneliness are women. Is that because men are immune to any sense of lonelinessm? Or do they feel that to express such emotions indicates personality weakness? Not "macho".?
I am male and have no reservations about such things.
Anyway, if you can bear it, here's my lengthy story.
For many months now I have been feeling extremely alone - but with a sense of loneliness and deep uncertainty due in large part to the global economic downturn.
I gave up work in the UK, took my savings and came to live in another country. I liked it a great deal, then put down a deposit on property. By the time it was built the recession had hit and I have been unable to sell.
Could I have done so, I would have packed up my things and gone back "home" as my feelings about this place had changed.
I don't even like my place here any more. It has now become not a home - more an unwelcome reminder of the huge mistake I made in the first place.
I have only two good friends here - one of which is leaving here soon, I hope only for a short time. The other expats here are friendly but sit at one of the two leading watering-holes chatting about property, cost of gas, how much they paid for their last air ticket "home" to the States or Canada and so on. Nobody seems to take an interest in the world outside.
That may make me appear a very earnest, boring person. Not so. I have a great sense of humour but there is all too little opportunity to express it. As sombody else put it, "they come here to escape from the outside world. They don't want to hear about it".
But over the time here I have come to realise that although our common language is English, our cultures have great differences - background, values - references...literature of all kind....many little things. I think perhaps to many of them I appear a little intense, "apart". Only two of them seem to have an interest in music. (Not that I am an expert. just ennjoy it and sharing it)
More than anything I am angered with myself for making the wrong decisions. I often dwell on my "previous" life with overwhelming longing. Why did I abandon it? How without hope I am of ever being able to turn back the clock. What IS must be, but I can't simply live with that. I dearly love and long for what I abandoned and cannot re-create, anchored here as I am living an empty and futile existence with so little to fill my days which stretch before me like an endless desert. No theatres, concerts or other distractions. It's an arid life. No amateur dramatics, no stimulation. Sun and sand are not enough.
My feelings are also affected by a constant sense of insecurity. I came with a certain amount of savings on which I was relying...not the fluctuating markets. Then the unforeseen happened. Interest rates dropped dramatically leaving me with a very modest income...not enough to fly back and forth "home' for spiritual refreshment.
Over time my old friends continue to write emails. But they are few and far between. They would have me back in an instant but in their busy lives who wants to devote time to writing? They are involved with busy social lives and activities. Even when they do write, I read the emails with mixed feelings. I'm happy to get them but they are further reminders of what is no more - and I envy my friends.
In total I feel isolated. I have family in other countries but we have never been close. In fact we have spent most of our lives geographically separated apart from anything else.
In total this has created a profound sense of depression and although I have medication it can have a minimal effect on my moods but can't get to the essence of the problem - changing my style of life. It has reached he stage where I'm reluctant to go and drink with the usual acquaintances at the usual place. Same people; same chat...and I'm not keen on more than a couple of drinks anyway.
Can anyone else understand me? Or maybe find themselves in a similar trap that makes them feel almost claustrophobic? (Almost verging on what I think may be panic attacks)
I am male and have no reservations about such things.
Anyway, if you can bear it, here's my lengthy story.
For many months now I have been feeling extremely alone - but with a sense of loneliness and deep uncertainty due in large part to the global economic downturn.
I gave up work in the UK, took my savings and came to live in another country. I liked it a great deal, then put down a deposit on property. By the time it was built the recession had hit and I have been unable to sell.
Could I have done so, I would have packed up my things and gone back "home" as my feelings about this place had changed.
I don't even like my place here any more. It has now become not a home - more an unwelcome reminder of the huge mistake I made in the first place.
I have only two good friends here - one of which is leaving here soon, I hope only for a short time. The other expats here are friendly but sit at one of the two leading watering-holes chatting about property, cost of gas, how much they paid for their last air ticket "home" to the States or Canada and so on. Nobody seems to take an interest in the world outside.
That may make me appear a very earnest, boring person. Not so. I have a great sense of humour but there is all too little opportunity to express it. As sombody else put it, "they come here to escape from the outside world. They don't want to hear about it".
But over the time here I have come to realise that although our common language is English, our cultures have great differences - background, values - references...literature of all kind....many little things. I think perhaps to many of them I appear a little intense, "apart". Only two of them seem to have an interest in music. (Not that I am an expert. just ennjoy it and sharing it)
More than anything I am angered with myself for making the wrong decisions. I often dwell on my "previous" life with overwhelming longing. Why did I abandon it? How without hope I am of ever being able to turn back the clock. What IS must be, but I can't simply live with that. I dearly love and long for what I abandoned and cannot re-create, anchored here as I am living an empty and futile existence with so little to fill my days which stretch before me like an endless desert. No theatres, concerts or other distractions. It's an arid life. No amateur dramatics, no stimulation. Sun and sand are not enough.
My feelings are also affected by a constant sense of insecurity. I came with a certain amount of savings on which I was relying...not the fluctuating markets. Then the unforeseen happened. Interest rates dropped dramatically leaving me with a very modest income...not enough to fly back and forth "home' for spiritual refreshment.
Over time my old friends continue to write emails. But they are few and far between. They would have me back in an instant but in their busy lives who wants to devote time to writing? They are involved with busy social lives and activities. Even when they do write, I read the emails with mixed feelings. I'm happy to get them but they are further reminders of what is no more - and I envy my friends.
In total I feel isolated. I have family in other countries but we have never been close. In fact we have spent most of our lives geographically separated apart from anything else.
In total this has created a profound sense of depression and although I have medication it can have a minimal effect on my moods but can't get to the essence of the problem - changing my style of life. It has reached he stage where I'm reluctant to go and drink with the usual acquaintances at the usual place. Same people; same chat...and I'm not keen on more than a couple of drinks anyway.
Can anyone else understand me? Or maybe find themselves in a similar trap that makes them feel almost claustrophobic? (Almost verging on what I think may be panic attacks)
0
Comments
Reading your first post, we want to wish you a warm welcome to TheSite. The community here is very friendly and open. We hope that you get what you are looking for.
There may be some information on the home, money and law pages that may help you a little? The way that TheSite works, it can often be difficult to know if users are men or women, however we know from vast experience that both men and women are equally able to feel the pain of loneliness. We are sorry that you are feeling this way the moment.
Making and carrying out the decision to move to another country can be extremely stressful, you have been very brave to come as far as you have. Is there any way you can take up some of the interests you have in theatre and amateur dramatics etc. in the place that you live now, or even somewhere near by? It sound's like you are looking for something more than just daily conversation with the same people where you live.
How do you contact your friends and family back at home? Could it be worth while investing in the Skype or other similar technology, where you can talk to people across the world, instead of having to write - which as you say, people cannot be devoted to.
It's positive to hear that you have sought medical help for your depression and are on medication. If this is not having an effect, perhaps you could see your Doctor again to tell them this? It could be that this particular medication is not right for you?
Do keep posting and take care -