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4 months for nothing!!
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Time to rant!!
Oh my god! I lasted 4 months with out SH! And what do I go and do! I'm so useless I can't do anything right. Why do I bother.:banghead:
It was so hard aswell, and I just go and muck it up. 4 months of fighting urges and myself to try and find other ways to cope. Urgh I just give up, it was so hard! I can't cope ATM.:crying:
It's solo frustrating! It makes me want to do it again, I deserve it...
Oh my god! I lasted 4 months with out SH! And what do I go and do! I'm so useless I can't do anything right. Why do I bother.:banghead:
It was so hard aswell, and I just go and muck it up. 4 months of fighting urges and myself to try and find other ways to cope. Urgh I just give up, it was so hard! I can't cope ATM.:crying:
It's solo frustrating! It makes me want to do it again, I deserve it...
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Comments
You know what, I've had enough. I don't want to go through any more than I have. I can't do this anymore.:crying:
You are OK, you're doing so, so well - try not to underestimate how far you've come - this is potentially a minor set-back that you can come back from using the strength you've displayed so far. Whenever any of us are trying to give something up, whether it be smoking, a destructive relationship, or in your case self-harming, there are often times when we find ourselves falling back on old habits. This isn't a sign of failure, it just can happen when we lose sight of the things that have kept us going on our way forward. The last four months will have made a difference and each time you have those urges, the distance between them will become longer and longer.
I can't help but wonder whether thesite.org evaluation might have had an impact? If it has then I'm really sorry and I'm happy for you to drop out of it. For instance, if you're trying to get over something and then you have a striking reminder of it then it can act as a trigger. Perhaps that has happened here? PM me if you need to.
With mum or me. So that's not been very fun! It's just that everything has built up and I didn't have the will power to stop myself.
No, I'm fine to do the evaluation!
Aww, no you mustn't - I just wondered about it, but it's not a big deal at all.
It certainly does sound like you have a lot on. Have you checked out the Women's Aid section for young people called The Hideout? there seems to be lots of useful info and links to other websites that you might find helpful.
*hugs*
I'll have a look. Thanx
It's not like it's rlly bad or anything although this time it actually quite scary, I don't think I'll forget the look in his eyes in a while, especially when it was at me coz I stepped inbetween him and mum - which I would do again, even if I do end up getting hurt... She's my mum
I can't help thinking that it's all my fault and maybe if I wasn't here everything would be fine...
I can't sleep:impissed:
I went over three years without cutting and then did it when I was being bullied at work. It's been nine months since I last cut again. You can do it.
:yes:
try to see what happened as a slip-up, not as a relapse. the four months wasn't for nothing, because it helped you to show yourself that you can do it, and that's important. having a blip is normal, it doesn't mean you have failed at stopping. it's such a hard thing to do, it's only normal that you will have times when you go back to your old coping mechanism, especially when you are under stress like you are now with your exams. don't be too hard on yourself, you're doing really well. x
As everyone has said - going 4 months without self harm is a massive achievement. Keep moving forward from this blip and seeking support from where you find it most useful.
You may have already seen it - but we have some good information pages on exams and all the related issues - perhaps you could check them out, they may be able to help you?
Take care and good luck tomorrow. :thumb:
I'm still finding it hard to cope with dad getting violent every once and a while and constantly putting us down and it's something I definetly can't talk to anyone I know about because if the wrong people find out then it could cause all sorts of problems. Bit I suppose I'll have to live with that, I mean I bet half the time I deserve it anyway.
Nobody deserves to be on the receiving end of violence, especially from their parents. You've been given some links to some good resources - have you managed to check them out? Your feedback would always be welcome.
Take care
Been hard with mum and dad around, but I will have a proper look. It's werid I feel really bad for looking at it and like I'm somehow betraying them.
hey notanotherusername!,
just to reiterate and recognise your four months without self harm and
the events that have happened at home for you.
how are you feeling tonight and what has gone on today with your exam??:)
I'm really not feeling good, my head is all over the place and I don't know what to do and I really feel like my only option is to end it.
My exam was not too bad, it was hard to concentrate but I thought it went ok
hey,
cool, glad to hear it went ok, what do you want to do after your exams???
sometimes concentrating on yourself and your own plans into the fuure can give you some hope. its a great achievement that you got through an exam considering the pressure you were under, it shows courage and strength:yippe:
Firstly, I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a tough time at the moment. As a former self-harmer myself I do know how hard that battle within can be at times, It certainly isn't easy. However what you must try and remember is that no matter how much we'd all like, none of us can control external circumstances and we certainly can't be responsible for how another person acts (or reacts). Unfortunately we can only govern our own lifes (and even that's difficult at times!) So you really shouldn't feel responsible for your Dads actions, and the things which are beyond your personal realms of control.
Secondly, Four months is an incredible achievement so well done for managing to get as far as you have. Ok so you've self-harmed recently under 'immense' pressure but that doesn't automatically mean you are back to square one, infact far from it! However, how you deal with your self-harm now is your choice. You can either let the self-harm regain contol over you or you can take back some control over it. As some of the posters have already said this is done in small steps,set yourself small targets. Although picking yourself back up and dusting yourself off isn't easy, it can be done. Even if you manage another four months then that would mean you have self-harmed only twice in eight months, and then if you managed another four months after that, then that would mean you have self-harmed only three times in a whole year!
It's not easy to retrain yourself over night so be a little kinder to yourself, but please be assured you can find new ways to cope. This site has some great tips, also do feel free to PM me if you need to as I also have some information on distractions etc.
Please take care!
i know i can't control it but i still can't help thinking that i at least deserve it, i mean there must be something i'm doing wrong. But everyone seems to be getting along at the minute so its not too bad this week. Everything seems to be just stacking up and i don't really know how to deal with it, so i'm returning back to my 'old ways' without really noticing. I forgot how much SH can help and i guess i got a big of a fright.
I am proud of my four months
But i do still feel sh*t and i can't help thinking that not being here is the best option, and if i'm honest this thought doesn't scare me anymore.
It seems like the 'best option' because at the moment it probably feels like it's your only option. But it isn't you'll always have other options available to you. Sometimes it's just difficult to see things when we're walking through the fog, however it doesn't mean that the options aren't there, they're just a little harder to see.
My moods are changing quite a bit but they are more extremes, one minute every thing couldn't be going any better and the next i don't want to be here. I can like someone one minute and i don't want to leave their side and if they annoy me i hate them. It's really messing with my head.
There doesn't seems to be anything inbetween its just extremes.
Everyone relapses at some point you just have to pick yourself up again not fall into a downward spiral!
I still don't want to be here. I keep bouncing from feeling good to feeling crap, and its really really starting to pee me off. and the SH is very much back. so i guess iam falling down into the spiral...
There are going to be times when your up and down, not knowing which way to turn, but as you ve said You`ve done 4 months so whats another 4
It takes a lot of emotional strength to achieve what you have, its not easy and you have experienced that first hand,try to keep focused and think off the positive feelings.
Why not write them down and when your at a low point read them to remind yourself off how far you ve come,use the site to help release whats on your mind and allow your self time.
Take care
Well done :thumb: for trying new things. its not easy like you said when your in a good mood its great but when your not its harder.
Keep going :yippe: lets us know how you ve been
take care:)