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Dumped by girlfriend, and struggling to cope

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I was with my girfriend for just under 2 years, and had some amazing times together. We got very close during this time and even started to discuss starting a family in a year or 2. Over the 2 years, we didn't have 1 argument - we just clicked and knew each other inside out.

Anyway, 2 weeks ago my girlfriend came round my house to spend the evening together. We had some dinner and then I started asking where she would like to go on holiday, but she seemed a little vague so dropped it. I admit that this put me in a little mood and this then caused our first arguament.

She wanted to talk to me about it, but I stupidly said I wasn't in the mood now. This went on for about an hour, and she threatened she'd leave and that'll be it - she's not coming back. Of course, in my stupid mood I let her go. And that was it.

I met her last week, and she said that she doesn't want to get back together as she is tired of putting in more effort into the relationship than I do (I work a lot - full time and my own business, so can see her point on this). She basically said she's run out of energy.

I can completly see her point, and had neglected her for the last month or 2 - just not initiating meeting up, texts, etc. I did say that I've felt a little stressed, and to let me prove to her that it won't be like this anymore, but she said 'i don't go back'.

I can't stop thinking about her and it is killing me. All I want is for her to take me back, as I love her so much. I nagged a bit last week with texting/calling, so have now not spoken since Saturday as I realised this would probably annoy more than do good. Do you think not having contact will make her miss me? Not hearing from her now is killing me, and makes me feel she isn't thinking about me or missing me.

I really don't know what to do - how can I get her back?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Another relationship fell victim of not talking to each other about the existing problems.

    well, guess I can only wish better luck next time.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey deanuk and welcome to the boards :thumb:

    Really sorry to hear you're finding this whole situation pretty hard at the moment. It sounds like the break up was quite unexpected and happened over something relatively trivial. It's also clear that you know things hadn't been right for a while and that you'd been neglecting your girlfriend a bit.

    Right now it sounds like she might be at the end of her tether and the lack of contact might mean she just needs some time before she can begin to absorb anything you're saying to her. If she's been feeling drained for a while then she may not have the energy right now, as she puts it, to really talk things through and might only take what you're saying as a reaction to the break up. Perhpas she's unsure whether you really mean it and are keen to give things another go and sort out the problems you were having, do you think they are solvable?

    If you can, it might be good to try and give her some space and she may well get in touch. It's hard to do but if you can find a distraction and let her calm down you might be able to have a much better talk about everything once she's feeling less 'nagged'.

    Good luck, it sounds like you really care about her :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    StrubbleS wrote: »
    Another relationship fell victim of not talking to each other about the existing problems.

    well, guess I can only wish better luck next time.

    That doesnt sound very supportive
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jo7 wrote: »
    It's also clear that you know things hadn't been right for a while and that you'd been neglecting your girlfriend a bit.

    I feel foolish now, as I can see how I had been neglecting her. At the time I was so wrapped up in my work life, and trying to expand my own business. What a waste.
    Jo7 wrote: »
    Right now it sounds like she might be at the end of her tether and the lack of contact might mean she just needs some time before she can begin to absorb anything you're saying to her. If she's been feeling drained for a while then she may not have the energy right now, as she puts it, to really talk things through and might only take what you're saying as a reaction to the break up. Perhpas she's unsure whether you really mean it and are keen to give things another go and sort out the problems you were having, do you think they are solvable?

    Yes, I honestly believe it is solvable. I can see exactly what you're saying - my head at the moment agrees one second, and then disagrees the next! But logically, I agree with this.
    Jo7 wrote: »
    If you can, it might be good to try and give her some space and she may well get in touch. It's hard to do but if you can find a distraction and let her calm down you might be able to have a much better talk about everything once she's feeling less 'nagged'.

    The last thing I want to do is push her away by annoying her, so I am trying my best. I have deleted her number from my phone, to stop any chances of drunken texts! My only concern is that she may see me not contacting here like I don't care anymore?
    Jo7 wrote: »
    Good luck, it sounds like you really care about her :)

    Sure right - she was my world, and I just got to comfy and didn't give here what she deserved. My biggest mistake ever! :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I can't believe she walked after one little argument! It's not like ye were together only a few weeks. I presume ye are not teenagers etc if you have your own business etc. could she be testing you? You know to see "if you really love her you will chase after her, kind of thing"? Maybe, like you said, if you have discussed marriage, but if she saw NO ring coming, she was trying to shake you in acting? Contact her & apologise for neglecting her & that you didn't mean it. She at least owes you a proper conversation about things. Discuss things, you will be better off when you know where you stand.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That doesnt sound very supportive

    well, but it's the sad truth. You can give him some solace in soothing words, but in the end his g/f is not coming back (read the OP, he already asked and begged) and he has to manage on his own to get over her, unless you know some magician who can transfer half of his pain onto you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My only advice to you is dont live life as if your getting back together! Just dont do it, think the worse! Live life as if shes never coming back, if you spend weeks believeing your getting back together and then it doesnt happen, your at square one of the break up again, trust me, i made this mistake.
    It genuinly does sound like she has had enough, and after a few weeks i would have thought she would have come back if that was what she wanted.
    I hate to be the bearer of bad news but I dont think shes coming back!
    at the minute you should probably focus on how to get over her rather than how to get her back, if she comes back, great! if she doesnt, its not the end of the world. you'll learn that! Good Luck with it anyway :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    TBH, doesn't seem like she's interested in coming back. The best you can do is to get on with your own life and try to keep yourself from contacting her. You can always send her a letter/text to thank her for what you had together to keep the break as clean as possible and as a final gesture but apart from that is's usually less painful if you keep contact to a minimum or even burning bridges completely if necessary.

    Trying to keep in touch when your ex doesn't want contact will very often make even more distance between the two of you, in some cases make you resent your ex.
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