confused

Former Member

Im 18 years old and to the point of really not caring about anything anymore. I use to tell myself I was being crazy and things would get better. Im just to the point of not even wanting to try anymore. I constantly will loose my temper over little things, though most of the time I just don't feel anything. I find myself wishing everyday for it all to just end, for something to happen and end it. I have not been happy for years really, I do have an occasional day that I am, but its rare.

All my teen years was spent with people telling me that it was my fault everyone in my family was not getting along. My parents have turned their backs on me and even turned what few friends I had against me. I only have my aunt and uncle left that try to help. I moved in with them when my mother started spreading lies about me. I barely talk to anybody anymore, im to scared of being hurt. Plus with everything else I have been through, I just do not know who I can trust.

Now im back to cutting, though its lite. Just enough to bleed. I just never seem to have the energy for anything. The last friends that stuck with me, I just seem to be distancing myself from them.

I really half the time just wish I did have somebody that I could talk to, somebody that understood what I was going through.

Former Member

I think a councillor is the next best thing to some who knows what you're going through. Maybe see your doctor and tell him/her what you're going through. It does seem like you're severely depressed.

I really couldn't cope not having my parents support. It must be pretty awful for you. Figure out who you can trust (such as your aunt and uncle) and only confide in or rely on these people.

Best Wishes.

Former Member

Hi Darkgoddess

This is one of your first posts - so we all wish you a warm welcome to The Site. You spoke about wanting to have someone to talk to that understands you. The Site and the community here is full of people who have had similar experiences as you, hopefully you can share and learn from each other, and in turn get the understanding that you are looking for.

As The Convincer has said - you may want to try some talking therapies like counselling. You would need to see your GP and ask them about it and they would make a referral. Have you ever seen your GP about these feelings you have? Your GP may also be able to suggest some other treatments too?

As has also been said, you Auntie and Uncle sound like they have been there for you - do you think that you can trust them enough to open up to them? How do you think it would feel to do this?

Have you also ever thought about talking to someone on a helpline? You could call Childline - 0800 11 11 or The Samaritans - 08457 90 90 90, or Supportline - 020 8554 9004. They are all trained to listen to you and support you. Verbalising how you feel can often be the best release.

You may also want to check out some of the pages we have on self-harm as you have described being back to cutting. There are loads of pages, the ones on distraction techniques and coping with urges may be a place to start?

You say that you have the occasional happy day? Is there a pattern to these days? What kind of things do you usually do, or where are you when you have these happy moments? Identifying what makes you happy is a big step towards trying to achieve those positive feelings more and more. Perhaps when you are low, you can take yourself back to one of these happy days?

It sound's like your parents have not been positive in your life, and for now maybe it's best that they are not in your life? Concentrate on getting yourself to where you want to be. Physically and emotionally.

Anyway, hope some of this helps. Take care of yourself.

Former Member

I have thought about getting a counselor but then I get really scared. Mainly because I have never been one to talk to people about my problems. Plus everyone who has ever told me I can trust them, turned their backs on me. Im even more scared to tell my doctor anything though. My mother goes to him all the time and I feel him or his nurse might slip and tell her. Then she will just have more fuel to use against my uncle. She will try and say its his fault.

It is hard not having any support from my parents but they always liked my brother more. This is why we are against each other now. He did something really wrong and I refuse to take up for him. So now she is going around spreading lies of me through the whole family and neighborhood. My aunt, uncle, and then godparents are all I really have. Though, my godparents don’t live where I can just go visit them. I can talk to my aunt and uncle but they are also going through a lot. Everything really started actually with me taking their side. My brother had wronged them severally. Then when somebody found out they reported it and now all the blame is put on me and my uncle. We had nothing to do with it. They were making him leave that is all. So I can’t really talk to them, they would just feel worse for me going through this for them.

Thanks for the helpline numbers though, I been looking for them and couldn’t seem to locate them. I thought about giving them a try. I will look into the pages on self-harm though im pretty good at keeping myself from doing it. I usually throw myself into work to keep my hands busy. Its when im alone that I have trouble fighting it.

There is not really a pattern to the happy days. Though I can usually cheer myself up reading a fantasy book. It distracts my mind from my life and lets me visualize something that will never happen. I can’t read all the time though, and it doesn’t help all the time.

Former Member

Councilling is the best bet theyre there to HELP not to laugh or anything so just be open and honest its a good way of getting help