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I need advice
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi,
A little story which lead me to where i am now.
My girlfriend decided she wanted to split up with me 2 thursdays ago. i'M 21, SHE'S 19.
We were together for 4 months and we knew we loved each other, we met each other at work, 3 weeks ago she got hereself a new job in her home town which is about 25 mins drive from mine. As she was training until late from monday to friday, we didn't get a chance chance to see each other during the week.
So I was expecting to see her on the first weekend of her training, as we promised we'd see each other as much as we could. Anyway, her real close friend from university was back for the weekend so she wanted to see her and go out on the saturday and spend time with her on the sunday. I explained i wanted to see her but i understood. She drove down on the saturday and we had just 4 hours together until the next weekend.
I was a bit miffed and it showed i think, we had an argument that she thought i was made her feel bad for seeing her friends. But we left on good terms.
Into the next week, i phone her on the monday and say can we do something on saturday night, she says i might be working. I said ok that's fine, if you are, can't help that. I texted her the next day, and asked if she knew if she was working on the weekend. She replies, 'I'm sorry, i am wporking on the saturday but until 5, and i'm going out with my friends, I'm sorry'
I had a go at her for making plans, when i specifically asked if we could do something. I even asked if she even thought of me before making plans, and she never. Roll on another barrage of your making me feel bad for seeing my friends. I would have only seen her for 4 hours in the last three weeks. And wirth her new job being further away from me we promised to make the effort.
After this she said 'give me a couple of days space'. I was starting to get worried because she was being off with me. But i said ok.
I check my facebook on the tuesday or wednesday last week, and she'd changed her elationship status to single and took me off the friends list. I sent her a friends request and told her to accept it. I knew something was going on so i texted her and said what is going on? She said it was facebook playing up. But she wouldn't accept the request again, and was just ignoring it. She wasn't texting me.
I texted her on the thursday (the day she dumped me) and said what is the matter/ what is going on? are we still together, and said replied saying yes i still want you and love you but she had quit her job. But something else was up because she was so off with me.
I get home from work and she calls me, and says ' i don't know how we are going to do this, i need to learn to take care of myself, i love you but i don't think i can be with anyone right now'
I couldn't let her go without good enough reasons, i could understand.
I contacted her last week and said is there any chance for us she got angry at me and said i should know where i stand. But when someone tells you they love you and then at the same time leaves you it's hard to understand.
But she said there is now way for us to get back together. I' was so angry with her that she was playing with my feeling, and my mind. Conflicting feeling for her were driving me mad.
I was desperate for information, as to why! I rememberd her facebook password as she gave me her ebay one and said it was the same a while back. I shouldn't have bu8t i looked. Shew had put pictures up of her and another guy posing and getting cosy, from the weekend when her mate got back from university. He had sent her a message saying thatm saturday night was a great night out, and did she have a boyfriend? She never replied, on facebook anyway. She hid these from me and waqs obviously mixed up about us.
I saw she had a message from another guy saying hi and asking if she was single. This was only a coupe of days after starting hger new job. Wehn she was perfectly fine with me, No sign of any trouble in our relationship. She said she was, and said to him ' you never got back to me about doing something.'
I still don't understand to this day what she was thinking. I sent her the print screens in an email and asked her to explain it, I said some angry things and she just texted me and said, don't phone, text, or email again, just leave me. No explanation.
--
Back to my main point. Being depressed. I never had any friends from when i left school. I had big confidence issues, i never went out to night clubs, or drinking. I'd spend most of my time at home. Since i left school 6/7 years ago, i have never been able to socialise. I met my ex at work and it took so much courage to ask her out on a date. So much i can't describe because i was so down before. We did and we really did connect.
For 4 months i felt i was wanted, she gave me confidence i could do something in life, even the small things i avoided because i was so scared of making contact with people. I went out to pubs and dancing with her in clubs.
Now we've split up i feel worse than before i met her. I've lost all the cponfidence she gave me. I dopn't know what to do with my life, i have no friends, i'm so scared of doing things now she's not there with me.
I'm scared i'll be even more depressed because the girl who told me she loves me has left me, i've been low before i met her.
I'm just so lost, and scared, i don't know what to do..
A little story which lead me to where i am now.
My girlfriend decided she wanted to split up with me 2 thursdays ago. i'M 21, SHE'S 19.
We were together for 4 months and we knew we loved each other, we met each other at work, 3 weeks ago she got hereself a new job in her home town which is about 25 mins drive from mine. As she was training until late from monday to friday, we didn't get a chance chance to see each other during the week.
So I was expecting to see her on the first weekend of her training, as we promised we'd see each other as much as we could. Anyway, her real close friend from university was back for the weekend so she wanted to see her and go out on the saturday and spend time with her on the sunday. I explained i wanted to see her but i understood. She drove down on the saturday and we had just 4 hours together until the next weekend.
I was a bit miffed and it showed i think, we had an argument that she thought i was made her feel bad for seeing her friends. But we left on good terms.
Into the next week, i phone her on the monday and say can we do something on saturday night, she says i might be working. I said ok that's fine, if you are, can't help that. I texted her the next day, and asked if she knew if she was working on the weekend. She replies, 'I'm sorry, i am wporking on the saturday but until 5, and i'm going out with my friends, I'm sorry'
I had a go at her for making plans, when i specifically asked if we could do something. I even asked if she even thought of me before making plans, and she never. Roll on another barrage of your making me feel bad for seeing my friends. I would have only seen her for 4 hours in the last three weeks. And wirth her new job being further away from me we promised to make the effort.
After this she said 'give me a couple of days space'. I was starting to get worried because she was being off with me. But i said ok.
I check my facebook on the tuesday or wednesday last week, and she'd changed her elationship status to single and took me off the friends list. I sent her a friends request and told her to accept it. I knew something was going on so i texted her and said what is going on? She said it was facebook playing up. But she wouldn't accept the request again, and was just ignoring it. She wasn't texting me.
I texted her on the thursday (the day she dumped me) and said what is the matter/ what is going on? are we still together, and said replied saying yes i still want you and love you but she had quit her job. But something else was up because she was so off with me.
I get home from work and she calls me, and says ' i don't know how we are going to do this, i need to learn to take care of myself, i love you but i don't think i can be with anyone right now'
I couldn't let her go without good enough reasons, i could understand.
I contacted her last week and said is there any chance for us she got angry at me and said i should know where i stand. But when someone tells you they love you and then at the same time leaves you it's hard to understand.
But she said there is now way for us to get back together. I' was so angry with her that she was playing with my feeling, and my mind. Conflicting feeling for her were driving me mad.
I was desperate for information, as to why! I rememberd her facebook password as she gave me her ebay one and said it was the same a while back. I shouldn't have bu8t i looked. Shew had put pictures up of her and another guy posing and getting cosy, from the weekend when her mate got back from university. He had sent her a message saying thatm saturday night was a great night out, and did she have a boyfriend? She never replied, on facebook anyway. She hid these from me and waqs obviously mixed up about us.
I saw she had a message from another guy saying hi and asking if she was single. This was only a coupe of days after starting hger new job. Wehn she was perfectly fine with me, No sign of any trouble in our relationship. She said she was, and said to him ' you never got back to me about doing something.'
I still don't understand to this day what she was thinking. I sent her the print screens in an email and asked her to explain it, I said some angry things and she just texted me and said, don't phone, text, or email again, just leave me. No explanation.
--
Back to my main point. Being depressed. I never had any friends from when i left school. I had big confidence issues, i never went out to night clubs, or drinking. I'd spend most of my time at home. Since i left school 6/7 years ago, i have never been able to socialise. I met my ex at work and it took so much courage to ask her out on a date. So much i can't describe because i was so down before. We did and we really did connect.
For 4 months i felt i was wanted, she gave me confidence i could do something in life, even the small things i avoided because i was so scared of making contact with people. I went out to pubs and dancing with her in clubs.
Now we've split up i feel worse than before i met her. I've lost all the cponfidence she gave me. I dopn't know what to do with my life, i have no friends, i'm so scared of doing things now she's not there with me.
I'm scared i'll be even more depressed because the girl who told me she loves me has left me, i've been low before i met her.
I'm just so lost, and scared, i don't know what to do..
0
Comments
Sounds like things are really tough for you at the moment and I don't blame you for feeling scared and confused about what's happened and your future. It's a knock to your confidence and is bound to make you feel down.
First things first though - please don't try to get back in contact with your ex. She's made things quite clear, and while her ways of doing it have been harsh, I think it'll just make it worse for you if you continue trying to speak to her or get explanations out of her. Keep telling yourself you deserve better than someone who's going to treat you like that - because you do!
Secondly, you need to try and work on building yourself back up. Try to focus on all your achievements, like the going out and trying new things. There is nothing to say you can't do these things now you're not with her. Take some time to look after yourself - it's natural not to want to go out and face the world when you're feeling low, but don't stay in and hide for too long. Are there activities you've been interested in trying, hobbies you've wanted to take up, groups you've wanted to join? Anything that will get you out and meeting new people will really help you boost your self-esteem and before you know it you'll have your very own social life that doesn't revolve around this girl who treated you so badly.
One last thing - DO NOT keep looking at her Facebook page. Block her if you have to. It will make things harder for you and hamper your road to recovery. Cutting off all contact with her will be tough, but you need space from each other and to focus on yourself, not torture yourself with thoughts about what she's doing and who she's with.
Keep positive