Feeling pretty low

Former Member

I've just acted pretty badly this afternoon and I'm not really sure what to do about it. I went to visit my dad in hospital earlier. On the way there I got a text from my ex saying the girl he left me for is going to be around this weekend. It shook me up a bit because he contacted me out of the blue a few weeks back saying how much he hated her and wanted to go find her and kill her, he then sent a few of our friends a text about how he was going to kill himself. He hadn't mentioned her since, so I figured they hadn't been in contact. I don't want to get back with him and have felt this way for a long time, I don't have romantic feelings for him at all anymore, but at the same time, I don't want to think of him being suicidal, so I'm sometimes unsure of how to react when her name gets mentioned. Anyway, the context of him getting in touch whilst I was in a hospital and the fact my dad is very ill, just made me start crying. I feel really bad as it must have been upsetting for my parents (I didn't mention the text to them).

I was really looking forward to seeing my friends this weekend, especially since the past few days have been particularly heavy going, but I think it'll be best to arrange to meet them away from my ex and this other girl. I do feel guilty as I want him to be happy and I'd want to try to get on with someone who makes him happy, but it's hard to forget how she has behaved in the past and I think I just need to have little or nothing to do with him now.

To complicate things further, recently I've been talking to a nice sounding guy who I seem to have a lot in common with. He wants to meet me later on this week. I'm scared of getting involved with someone. My only serious relationship has ended with him leaving me for someone else, him trying to kill himself, then the girl he left me for trying to kill herself. I feel responsible for at least part of that and don't see why wouldn't it happen again? I just feel like a complete mess at the moment.

**helen**

flibbertygibbert wrote: »

I was really looking forward to seeing my friends this weekend, especially since the past few days have been particularly heavy going, but I think it'll be best to arrange to meet them away from my ex and this other girl. I do feel guilty as I want him to be happy and I'd want to try to get on with someone who makes him happy, but it's hard to forget how she has behaved in the past and I think I just need to have little or nothing to do with him now.

:yes: sounds like a sensible well thought through decision - would it be possible to explain this to them in advance and maybe grab some time with them alone?

flibbertygibbert wrote: »

To complicate things further, recently I've been talking to a nice sounding guy who I seem to have a lot in common with. He wants to meet me later on this week. I'm scared of getting involved with someone. My only serious relationship has ended with him leaving me for someone else, him trying to kill himself, then the girl he left me for trying to kill herself. I feel responsible for at least part of that and don't see why wouldn't it happen again? I just feel like a complete mess at the moment.

it's easy to put ourselves at the centre of past events and imagine that our actions had a major contribution to things turning out as they did. In reality, there's only so much we can control and other people's choices aren't always a reflection of what we've done, but how they've felt about something, or their interpretation of certain things. Just because you and your ex perhaps weren't as compatible as you first thought, that doesn't mean that a relationship with someone new, who you enjoy spending time with, doesn't have a chance.

Perhaps try to avoid thinking about this new relationship as the be all and end all, but as something to enjoy and explore without any pressure. Have you made plans to do something fun together?