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Feeling lonely and stuck
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi there.
There's probably a good few posts on this type of thing on tons of forums but I thought I'd give it a go, just to see if I can get some advice.
I've been pretty down in the dumps recently, much like everyone is at some point in their life, and I often feel totally depressed, which always manifests itself mainly through guilt, fear and anxiety. This has been with me since I was a kid but I've never seen a GP or really spoken to anyone about, basically because of the guilt, fear and anxiety; it's always nagging me that it's not a "real" problem and that I just need to snap out of it and stop being stupid.
To give a bit of background I'm 27 and I moved back to my home town six years ago, after fifteen years in another part of the UK and a failed attempt at university in St Andrews where I came away knowing no one. My home town is quite small and I still don't know anyone apart from my immediate family. I work in the nearest city and I'm friendly enough with people at work and other people tell me that I'm well thought of, but I never feel as though I have any close friends there, or anywhere, that I can call up and have a yarn with or generally hang about and go out with. I'm a pretty quiet, shy person but I always feel guilty for talking to people in case I'm boring or distracting them, or say something dumb. In that sense my confidence has been shot to bits. I always try to be respectful, kind and friendly towards people but I worry if that's coming off as being a prude, or being far too serious or unapproachable - for example, I don't drink alcohol or anything - or that people just take advantage of me because they see me as soft-spoken and quiet.
I've never really had a girlfriend as such, just a couple of very brief things lasting no more than a couple of weeks. It's not really that big an issue at the moment, it's just the lack of a social life that's starting to make me wonder if there's something wrong with me. I've tried getting out and about, to gigs, going clubbing or courses, but I always feel that it's pointless. As aforementioned my confidence is gone and I never feel totally comfortable in my own skin, I have huge bags under my eyes and my hair is thinning, which doesn't help me.
For the last couple of years I've tried to keep my mind off it by spending all of my time relentlessly practicing the guitar, to a reasonable level, but I've never felt good enough to join a band or anything, just through fear of making mistakes or generally not having any knowledge of theory.
I dunno... whinge, moan, whinge.
There's probably a good few posts on this type of thing on tons of forums but I thought I'd give it a go, just to see if I can get some advice.
I've been pretty down in the dumps recently, much like everyone is at some point in their life, and I often feel totally depressed, which always manifests itself mainly through guilt, fear and anxiety. This has been with me since I was a kid but I've never seen a GP or really spoken to anyone about, basically because of the guilt, fear and anxiety; it's always nagging me that it's not a "real" problem and that I just need to snap out of it and stop being stupid.
To give a bit of background I'm 27 and I moved back to my home town six years ago, after fifteen years in another part of the UK and a failed attempt at university in St Andrews where I came away knowing no one. My home town is quite small and I still don't know anyone apart from my immediate family. I work in the nearest city and I'm friendly enough with people at work and other people tell me that I'm well thought of, but I never feel as though I have any close friends there, or anywhere, that I can call up and have a yarn with or generally hang about and go out with. I'm a pretty quiet, shy person but I always feel guilty for talking to people in case I'm boring or distracting them, or say something dumb. In that sense my confidence has been shot to bits. I always try to be respectful, kind and friendly towards people but I worry if that's coming off as being a prude, or being far too serious or unapproachable - for example, I don't drink alcohol or anything - or that people just take advantage of me because they see me as soft-spoken and quiet.
I've never really had a girlfriend as such, just a couple of very brief things lasting no more than a couple of weeks. It's not really that big an issue at the moment, it's just the lack of a social life that's starting to make me wonder if there's something wrong with me. I've tried getting out and about, to gigs, going clubbing or courses, but I always feel that it's pointless. As aforementioned my confidence is gone and I never feel totally comfortable in my own skin, I have huge bags under my eyes and my hair is thinning, which doesn't help me.
For the last couple of years I've tried to keep my mind off it by spending all of my time relentlessly practicing the guitar, to a reasonable level, but I've never felt good enough to join a band or anything, just through fear of making mistakes or generally not having any knowledge of theory.
I dunno... whinge, moan, whinge.
0
Comments
"I dunno... whinge, moan, whinge." Don't be afraid or feel bad about the way you feel. You're entitled to feel the way that you feel and you shouldn't just shun it away as nothing.
I also want to commend you for the way you've dealt with things so far. That you've tried going out and being out there, making new friends etc is a very brave step! Be proud of yourself at least for trying! It's more than most people would do!
At the end of the day, though, I would highly recommend going to see your GP. I know all about feeling guilty etc about going to see a doctor or counsillor but you have to go. If they're decent in the slightest then they won't make you feel like you've been wasting their time.
From the sounds of things you have anxiety issues. But you should discuss the way you feel with your GP and see where things go from there.
Best of luck!
P.S Welcome to the boards!
Anytime!
Everything DancingHorse said is absolutely right. :yes: We all wish you a warm welcome to The Site.
It does sound like you have got some issues around self-esteem and anxiety, as you have identified yourself. If you've not already checked them out - The Site has some great information pages that may help you to figure out some options, or just help you to think about what is going on for you at the moment. The ones on anxiety, self-esteem and building your self-esteem may be a place to start?
Speaking to your GP is also great advice - they may be able to suggest some talking therapies to help you deal with some of your feelings. It is their job to help you, so try not to feel guilty. Your problems are just as important as everyone else's and the idea of them being 'real' lies with how they affect you as an individual.
Once you have worked a little on your confidence, other things like; friendships, conversations, relationship building, artistic drive will all hopefully begin to fall into place. Our advice would be to work on yourself first with the support of professionals.
Have you also thought about speaking one to one with someone on a helpline? Helplines are not just for people in crisis, but for people who may just want to talk things through - ideas, feelings, hopes, fears etc. The Samaritans are trained to listen and support. Their number is 08457 909090.
Hopefully some of this will help. Keep posting to let us know how things go for you. Take care -
There once was a time when I was the brightest and most forward person you could meet.. then along came lots of bad happening.. I felt just like you did during these times..
You know what I did, I took action and stuck my head in front of a computer and used our mighty friend Google.. I then came across a book, by David Molden and Pat Hutchinson.. named Brilliant NLP.
It's a self help book in it's own right but what it did for me was something more than I seen in self help books because of the various different exercises you are instructed to do..
It gave my life a purpose again and put me back on track.. I took this interest further and bought the NLP workbook by Joseph O'Connor, now this book is perfect it has every tool and trick there is to help me be from getting creative ideas to nulling a feeling or thought..
So now I have future plans to do an NLP and Life Coahing course.. but for you just try it buy one of those books and you'll see a change.. and it's not a temporary change it's a lifetime change.