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I want him back and I am confused! HELP!
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi,
My boyfriend and I that have been together for about 4 and a half years just broke up like a month ago. We started dating when we were sophomores in high school. We talked about getting married and were planning to when I was finished with undergrad school. We loved each other so much. But, I started to go to college that was 45 minutes away and things started to get extremely complicating. This is my second year and I was planning on moving back home just to be with him while I was still going to the same school that was 45 minutes away. I was going to commute. So I went to my adviser to talk about getting classes to be at least once or twice a week all day. My boyfriend said that if I couldnt get my schedule to once or twice a week to not worry about it. Because he would never be able to see me since I would be either at school, studying or at work. So I decided that I needed to stay at instead I thought that he was ok with it. Now, my dad does not like him at all for no reason. My dad never wanted to get to know him because he thought that my boyfriend would ruin my chance at getting an education. To tell you the truth that was one reason that I did not want to move back because my dad would be so pissed off. Also, my boyfriends parents that I could always count on to support me were not to keen on the idea. They knew that it would cause a lot of problems with my family. My boyfriend told me how hurt he was once and I said that I did not feel like talking about it right now because I did not know how to talk to him about it yet. I was eventually going to but I thought that he was ok with the idea. He only told me once that he was upset. I was so occupied with making everyone happy which is what I do all the time instead of making myself happy that I was so stressed out I sort of was not the best girl friend. But, he also made it really hard to make him happy, he never seemed to appreciate my tries. Then, when he broke up with me I found out that he was upset about a lot of things. He did not like how I drank every weekend he said that was a big reason for breaking up with me. He has said that he is rooting for me and is on my side, he wants me to stop drinking so much and change that for him, but should I? I am so confused! I am going home now because I want to. He wants to be friends and so do I. He saw some pictures of me drinking on online and now he said that there is no chance. He makes it seem so easy to get over me. I want another chance but he is holding so much against me that I feel like it is going to interfere. We are great together when we were actually together but on the phone we would fight! What can I do to get another chance? Should I change for him knowing that he could just find someone else and forget me? Knowing that there may never be a chance? We want to hang out during my spring break possibly what should I do during that? I need help! I love him and I know that he loves me. He has told me that he loves me and misses me. But, he has told me recently that I need to stop telling him that I love him because it makes things harder on him. He even yelled at his parents because they started to tell him how much they missed me and were talking about it. He makes it seem like sometimes that it is so much better without me. We are still extremely in love but we know that we need this time apart. I don't know what to do! Please help!
My boyfriend and I that have been together for about 4 and a half years just broke up like a month ago. We started dating when we were sophomores in high school. We talked about getting married and were planning to when I was finished with undergrad school. We loved each other so much. But, I started to go to college that was 45 minutes away and things started to get extremely complicating. This is my second year and I was planning on moving back home just to be with him while I was still going to the same school that was 45 minutes away. I was going to commute. So I went to my adviser to talk about getting classes to be at least once or twice a week all day. My boyfriend said that if I couldnt get my schedule to once or twice a week to not worry about it. Because he would never be able to see me since I would be either at school, studying or at work. So I decided that I needed to stay at instead I thought that he was ok with it. Now, my dad does not like him at all for no reason. My dad never wanted to get to know him because he thought that my boyfriend would ruin my chance at getting an education. To tell you the truth that was one reason that I did not want to move back because my dad would be so pissed off. Also, my boyfriends parents that I could always count on to support me were not to keen on the idea. They knew that it would cause a lot of problems with my family. My boyfriend told me how hurt he was once and I said that I did not feel like talking about it right now because I did not know how to talk to him about it yet. I was eventually going to but I thought that he was ok with the idea. He only told me once that he was upset. I was so occupied with making everyone happy which is what I do all the time instead of making myself happy that I was so stressed out I sort of was not the best girl friend. But, he also made it really hard to make him happy, he never seemed to appreciate my tries. Then, when he broke up with me I found out that he was upset about a lot of things. He did not like how I drank every weekend he said that was a big reason for breaking up with me. He has said that he is rooting for me and is on my side, he wants me to stop drinking so much and change that for him, but should I? I am so confused! I am going home now because I want to. He wants to be friends and so do I. He saw some pictures of me drinking on online and now he said that there is no chance. He makes it seem so easy to get over me. I want another chance but he is holding so much against me that I feel like it is going to interfere. We are great together when we were actually together but on the phone we would fight! What can I do to get another chance? Should I change for him knowing that he could just find someone else and forget me? Knowing that there may never be a chance? We want to hang out during my spring break possibly what should I do during that? I need help! I love him and I know that he loves me. He has told me that he loves me and misses me. But, he has told me recently that I need to stop telling him that I love him because it makes things harder on him. He even yelled at his parents because they started to tell him how much they missed me and were talking about it. He makes it seem like sometimes that it is so much better without me. We are still extremely in love but we know that we need this time apart. I don't know what to do! Please help!
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Comments
From the sounds of it, this has really preoccupied your mind and a lot of the decisions you're trying to make are based on how other people might react. This isn't a bad quality becuase it shows you care about all the different feelings involved and you respect their opinions. However, the battle between your own feelings can be really hard work and leave you feeling like you haven't stood up for yourself enough.
You say that you're great together and that you still really love eachother but you often fight over the phone and this distance is causing a problem. You also say you know you need some time apart at the moment and it sounds like he's very confused about what he wants.
Perhaps rather than seeing being away at college as a barrier to you being together, focus on your time there and use it to put a bit of space between the two of you. When you do eventually move back you could take things from there and see if you still have something worth working on.
This problem with you drinking, did you have no idea that he felt this way? Only you can decide if it's something you'd be willing to give up for the sake of another shot at your relationship but if it's something you enjoy you could risk resenting him if things don't work out. Perhpas if he'd communicated his feelings to you whilst you were together you might have been able to reach a comprimise about it rather than viewing it as something you did wrong.
Could the two of you can find a time to sit down and talk things through without any parents being involved or you could write him a letter telling him how you feel and giving him time to take that all in?
It's hard to let go of someone you were planning yoru future with, I hope you can find a way to work it out
Giving up your friends is a big sacrifice. Maybe you deserve to be with someone who doesn't mind if you go out and party with your mates? You might be able to do it for a while but you may end up resenting it in the future?
You say that for now you want to let go and grow, being able to do that could have a big effect on how you feel about this relationship in the future and whether you still think it has a chance.
If you do want to let go and move on then the 'Do's' on this list are a good place to start. Simple things like really making time for yourself, putting some real space between you, not contacting him and trying not to think about the what ifs?
It's a scary step when you have a strong connection with someone but it's also great to learn to be happy on your own for a while and really figure out what you want.
I hope that helps and good luck