how to let someone down...

Former Member

hey all
this is worrying me a fair bit, i really don;t know how to let some one down nicely (as in saying no to being asked to date them)

the story so far:
a while a go i met a girl and i quite liked her but she was in a realitionship so i moved on, then she broke up and i though i stood a chance so i spent time with her getting to know her better and i realised that she still really, really liked her ex and that we were defintly not right for each other, so again i moved on but stayed friends with her. this morning i got a text from her telling me about how i was in her dream and that in it she wanted to kiss me and all that sort of thing. this has completly thrown me and i don't wanna hurt her feelings, in some respects i realise that this is impossible and she's basically bearing her heart to me and i'm going to say no to it if she does, i would never give it a go as i realise so much about her, she hates my type of music and tells me so often its crap when music is a major part of my life, and, we're completly diffrent attitudes, i'm outgoing, fun loving and basically just wanna have a good time (probly why i'm failing college) whilst she hates work but gets on with it, she hasn't really made any new friends at college and she keeps her self to her self.
basically i have no idea how to say no in the nicest possible way and let her know theres no chance of us ever happening as i've moved on a met and really like someone else

can anyone give any advice
thanks
curly

Former Member

Hey, <her name>. I just wanted to tell you, that I don't have feelings for you anymore. I once had, but it passed. So basically, we won't be happening, sorry to say that.

Former Member

You just have to tell it like it is and make sure she understands. There's nothing worse than getting mixed signals! Don't say things about staying friends if you think that's something you wouldn't follow up. If you see her in person just start by saying "look, about that text..."
Good luck

Former Member

about the text, i don;t really wanna bring it up in convosation in case she thinks that i'm gonna make a move or something
and well, also i don't wanna tell her i had feelings for her at one stage, cos, well she'll think that i may have feelings for her again
but thanks u 2

Former Member

You may have already seen this but just in case, take a look at our article about how to reject someone.

It's not easy to tell someone you don't like them in 'that' way but letting it drag out will be worse for her and could jeapordise any hope you have of staying mates. If you can move on then in time so will she. Good luck with it

Former Member

maybe just tell her your too different? and say to her 'do you really think you could be with someone you had nothing in common with?' usually they understand if you say you still want to be friends but you dont feel it could work in a relationship? hope all goes well x

Former Member

OMG! SERIOUSLY! WTF IS UP WITH THAT GIRL
i had some issues today, basically feeling the lowest i've felt in ages, still stuck college out,
in tutor i pretty much blanked out everyone out expect a few friends, i blanked her out(which might explain it), but i messaged her later in the day to say i'm sorry i didn't talk 2 her because i was already talking a bit to other people and i just read a face book message saying: oh i thought u were a nice guy, and how she has problems in her life too, she probaly does but why doesn't she respect the fact that i needed to talk to some good friends, not some one that i had feelings for and someone that has made it pretty obvious that she has feelings for me.

i honestly do not get some people
and jo, i don't think that we're gonna remain friends any more, i've seen her to be who she is, and its pretty clear to me that she's not the type of person that i wanna be friends with. yes she has her nice points but hey, imo she's not worth the trouble

Sorry if that turned out to be a bit of a bitch and moan session but its basically what i think and what happened

ARHHH! if thats the way i feel why am i feeling so fucking guilty
FFS!

Former Member

ah well, there's worse, but I think in the long run you are doing her a favor by not maintaining a friendship with her, just don't be bitchy.

Former Member

i don't plan on being bitchy, not my style and not who i am
tbh, she has her own friends and i have my own, so i'll only really see her in tutor, live no where near each other, diffrent tast in music(which is a massive part of my life)
i don't really see how it could have worked

Former Member

omg, seriously that girl is getting so bloody annoying
she knows i've moved on and i don;t really wanna be friends with her anymore,
considering the things that she said to me and how she expects me to be able 2 talk to no matter how i'm feeling, i don't really see y i should give her another chance

and well, i've met someone else, a girl (of course) and i really really like her, and when ever we're just talking and she sees us she always comes over and starts to bitch and moan to me and just generally try to put the other girl, lets call her H off! H has kinda picked up on this and isn't let it phase her, but well, i can see its pissing her off and i think she may just attack the first girl. I've tried talking to girl 1 about why she's doing it and she pretends she doesn't know what i'm talking about,

Today when she tried it me and H just ignored her and moved away from her and sat more in the sun and just talked with some friends

any way, i'm thinking of making a move and asking H out, any advice please, i've read through the sites articles bout it and well, i just really wanna make it perfect, i'm doing it tomorrow cos we're going to a beach with some friends to watch the sun set and have a fire and sleep out under the sky (with blankets) and if it rains it's near someones house so we'll just go there, anyway, i was thinking of asking her out at sunset, idk if thats corny or romatic but any way, thanks people