Meeting sex partners over the internet

Former Member

Hi all

I'm a 33 year old professional guy, in a committed relationship for the last seven years with a woman who is 7 years older than me.

For quite a while our sex life has not been great, and over the last year or so my partner has completely gone off sex. She is seeing a therapist for this and other reasons, but it's early days and there's no way of knowing whether her libido will come back.

My partner has been saying for ages that she's happy for me to have casual sex with other people, and I think the time for this has come (no pun intended), as my frustration is having too much of an impact on our relationship.

Ideally what I would like to do is to hook up with a girl over the internet - that way I can be completely open about who I am, what I want and what I can offer. I'm too old (and shy) for chatting girls up in clubs!

I was wondering if anyone has done this, and what is a safe way of going about it?

I have found a few sites which look OK, but when I signed up for one of them I *immediately* received two messages purporting to be from women looking for sex, which I thought was a bit unlikely as I hadn't even entered any details about myself, e.g. age, location etc.

Many thanks for any advice on this :-)

Rob

Former Member

when your partner is looking to find a solution probably isn't the best time for you to decide to go out into the field. I'd strongly suggest you make do with your right hand for a couple more months.

I can't offer much advice on straight sex sites, but I'd recommend you use one which has clearly defined areas for commercial members, so you have less chance of getting involved in a sales pitch instead of a genuine offer.

Also be doubly cautious when giving out details and meeting.

Former Member

I couldn't see me doing this, if I was in you position, either, but if she's cool with it, then it's your business.

I've never really done online dating, but from what people have told me, it's always best to go to a site with a membership fee, as you'll be less likely to find people who are just messing about. I think the problem here is that you're just wanting to get your end away. I'm not sure if openly advertizing this on such sites yields much success or not.

Former Member

Thanks for the advice guys. I know what you mean Big Gay, but this problem is a long-term one and psychotherapy doesn't offer any quick fixes! (She's been going for a year already.) I don't think I can cope with possibly several more years of celibacy, so the only alternative to 'playing away' is for us to break up, which neither of us wants.

Regards

Rob

Former Member

I agree with 'The Convincer' about choosing a site with a membership fee. This is the only SAFER option. Make sure that before you do see/talk to any of the people that they're the same age or a similar age to you and not some teenager/underage person messing around.

Also, for the sake of your relationship make sure that your partner is definately sure that they don't mind you doing this. People find themselves in your position and when they do "play away" it causes more stress on the relationship...

I hope this helps and Good Luck (:

xxx

Former Member

Would it be an option to go with her to one of her therapy sessions to discuss the idea of you having casual sex with someone else whilst still in the relationship with her?

She might not want to break up with you and she might feel that allowing you to do this is the only way to stay in a relationship with you, regardless of how much that would hurt her.

Is this kind of thing (open relationships) something that you had ever discussed before?

Former Member

Er, not to sound like a complete slut (!) but I actually think looking at the casual sections on those sites is kinda OK if you're honest with your partner and about what you want online.. and from the stuff I've read, I think there are plenty of people in a similar situation to what you describe,.

- no idea if it gets them any actual responses though...