Advice needed- Dont know what to do

Former Member

Hi all

I know my previous thread suggested that I am unhappy but please try to ignore that when reading this. Thats sorted now.

I am happily married with 2 wonderful children, they are 1 & 4. Recently Mrs Confused has started to drop hints that she would like another baby. This is something I dont want- I have told her this but she said 'You'll be fine when the baby is born; to which I replied 'Oh so I havent got a choice then?!'

That was a couple of weeks ago & things havent been the same between us since then. I dont want anymore children as I am more than happy with my life now.

What do I tell her?

Former Member

1. Stick to your guns.

2. Seriously though, this is a difficult one. Have you had her work out if you can actually afford to have another baby?

3. Get a vasectomy. A friend of mine did this as he was in the same situation - left pretty much no margin for error. In all honesty, is a drastic solution... not sure if it's the right one.

Former Member

I have considered this but as I am 23 the quack wont refer me & I cant afford it privately

Former Member

If you can't afford that privately, I have a feeling that another baby would be stretching finances somewhat as well.

Former Member

Yes but when Mrs confused & her parents say '3 would be so nice'

I reply 'Yes that fair enough but I like to live in a house!'

Feels as if Im talking to a brick wall

Former Member

Do you NEVER want another baby or is it just right now? If it's the latter then say maybe in a couple of years so you have time to save a bit of money?

Former Member

Franki wrote: »

Do you NEVER want another baby or is it just right now? If it's the latter then say maybe in a couple of years so you have time to save a bit of money?

It seems selfish but I dont ever want another baby.

Former Member

I would sit down and talk to her (away from her parents) and find out exactly why she wants another kid at this point in time. If her main argument is '3 would be nice' that seems a bit odd that she's putting pressure on to have them now. Assuming she's a similar age to yourself, 23 does seem young to have 3 kids. It does seem like you're not set against the idea of having another in the future, and that to me sounds perfectly sensible and a logical compromise. I would suggest be firm but understanding. My mum tried a similar thing when she had me. I'm the youngest of 3 and she did the whole 'you'll be ok when it's born' with my dad. I can only imagine it didn't quite happen that way as although they're still together I don't ever remember them being close or affectionate with each other, or sharing a bedroom for that matter, quite how I was conceived remains mystery...:p

Former Member

Oh ok...since I wrote that you posted saying you don't think you'll ever want another. You need to be straight with her about that if you're not thinking you'll change you're mind in a few years time.

Former Member

Confused_2008 wrote: »

I am happily married with 2 wonderful children, they are 1 & 4. Recently Mrs Confused has started to drop hints that she would like another baby. This is something I dont want- I have told her this but she said 'You'll be fine when the baby is born; to which I replied 'Oh so I havent got a choice then?!'

<SNIP>

What do I tell her?

The truth.

You have a right to want children, and you have a right to decide when you've done your bit and don't want to take on any more. She has the exact same rights.

If the roles were reversed, with you wanting more but her wanting to keep things as they were... how utterly wrong would it be for you to tell her "You'll come around to the idea" after bowling your load up her? Society would find you to be controlling and abusive.

You both have rights here - if she can't respect yours, then you should give as much respect to her wants. What we're effectively talking about here is the creation of a new life, and whether it exists or not - you have a responsibility to do as you think is right.

The whole country is "coming around" to the idea of a collapsing housing market, deep recession, and no security. Does that mean any of us want it? Or that the banks were right to make the decisions they did and put us through what we're currently seeing?

Former Member

Confused_2008 wrote: »

I have considered this but as I am 23 the quack wont refer me & I cant afford it privately

If you do want vasactomy it up to the hospital surgeon the dr just sends referals go back ask again.I got sterilized 2year ago and i was 22year got 2 girls.And you need to tel her how u realy feel :yes:
And also 2 kids at 23 isnt that young i got 2 and im 25 in nov.
There another new poster who 15years got 2 kids and one on the way soon.