Being Honest...

Former Member

Hi Guys,

and hello to everyone, has been a while :wave:

have got a bit of an issue, this might end up a bit long, if so then i apologize in advance!!

Basically, im thinking im a bit stuck in a rut with my boyfriend. We've been together almost two years, but im thinking its going nowhere, I really do love him though and have never been so close to anyone or trusted anyone like I do him.

Basically when we got together, it got serious quite quickly, now I feel like I depend on him an awful lot. One of my best friends died not long after we got together and another went to the other end of the country, so although I have mates, I dont feel the closeness I did have with my friends. I've always found it very hard to trust people and as I trusted him I felt i just clinged to him when I lost my friends and never let go.

Added to this he has problems with drugs, nothing hard. But he spends all his time and money on weed and most weekends gets fucked on MDMA/coke which im not greatly interested in, I dont smoke week but dont mind the odd line or two etc but im not so fond of his drug taking friends so tend to stay out of it. Last year we had a trial seperation while he went on holiday, while he was away I found out I was pregnant, when he came back he said he didnt want to be with me anymore, I then broke the news and he threatened all sorts like he would go bankrupt/kill himself/fight me for custody if I didnt have a termination. Being quite confused and to be honest pretty emotional, I let him manipulate me and ended up having an abortion which I didnt really want to do and I since regret. We got back together about a month after the abortion.

Since then things havent been good, I realise I deeply resent him for the abortion, and although I kind of hate him and dont want to be with him/know I can do better, the other side of me knows I would be on my own without him, with no real close group of friends. He shows no sign of committing in the future, wont even discuss moving in together.

Bit confused, and my minds all over the place at the moment, in a couple of weeks will be my due date and have been teary for about a month and dreading the day. He isnt very sensitive about it and says stuff like he dosent want to ever talk about it, he got what he wanted etc. He said this to me at xmas and I ended up punching him, which i'm so ashamed of, now everytime we argue he accuses me of 'domestic violence' and says my life would be empty without him.

Any ideas, sorry it is so long!!

Former Member

Just read +Lover+'s threads. You will get all the advice you need.

Former Member

I think you should try to speak to someone about the feelings you are having about the abortion. It can be a very emotional thing to go though especially if you feel that it was not the right choice.

I think the fact that when your partner came back from holiday he wanted the relationship to be overwith before you advised him you were pregnant speaks volumes.It sounds as if neither of you love or respect the other. It will be hard but for the sake of both of your futures, let him go and dont keep in contact.

Yes its possible that your life will feel empty for a while but when things calm down you can start to fill your life with more healthy things. I think that despite what he says about your life being empty he will also feel the split as it sounds as if you are putting up with a man who wants his own way all the time with no regard for your feelings and needs and he would struggle to find another partner so willing to put up with his behaviour.

I know its hard to let go but in the long run it will be worth it.

Former Member

I think he's being really tactless and insensitive. I'm really sorry to hear about your abortion and it definitely sounds like he manipulated you into it. It's gonna be hard but just from reading this I reckon you can do a whole lot better.