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How do you force youself to fall out of love?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi again,
Thought I would update you all of my situation since it's been a while since i posted. I have managed to land myself a job in portsmouth, its not what i want, its shift work, and its going to be hell having to finish late at night or early in the morning and then having to travel the 2 hours home after an 11 hour shift. the money is crap, and after i have taken out travel expenses i am earning less than minimum wage and working/traveling so many more hours. i'm seriously wondering if i am doing the right thing.
i know i said i was going to move to portsmouth but i'm finding things so tough at the moment, i'm still with the nasty boyfriend, he has eased up on the discusting comments for some reason but they still slip out every now and again. I honestly thought we were getting somewhere these past few weeks but i feel i'm back to square one now. He's also not been violent towards me since valentines day which is good but the only reason he hurt me then was becuase i accidently hit him in the balls, so i "deserved" it.
all logic tells me to dump him, move to portsmouth, save on travel costs, get on with my new job and start my new life. but i just can't. the only thing keeping me here is my bf and i am not strong enough to walk away.
I've been speaking to my mum about it tonight and she understands that i'm not ready for this relationship to end, she said that before she split with my dad she felt the same and nothing could make her walk away from him because she loved him, even though she knew it wasnt working. thats how i feel.
so the question i'm hoping to find an answer to is how the fuck do i make myself stop loving this nasty, selfish person? becuase until i don't love him anymore i have no chance of walking away because i am a weak person.
Thought I would update you all of my situation since it's been a while since i posted. I have managed to land myself a job in portsmouth, its not what i want, its shift work, and its going to be hell having to finish late at night or early in the morning and then having to travel the 2 hours home after an 11 hour shift. the money is crap, and after i have taken out travel expenses i am earning less than minimum wage and working/traveling so many more hours. i'm seriously wondering if i am doing the right thing.
i know i said i was going to move to portsmouth but i'm finding things so tough at the moment, i'm still with the nasty boyfriend, he has eased up on the discusting comments for some reason but they still slip out every now and again. I honestly thought we were getting somewhere these past few weeks but i feel i'm back to square one now. He's also not been violent towards me since valentines day which is good but the only reason he hurt me then was becuase i accidently hit him in the balls, so i "deserved" it.
all logic tells me to dump him, move to portsmouth, save on travel costs, get on with my new job and start my new life. but i just can't. the only thing keeping me here is my bf and i am not strong enough to walk away.
I've been speaking to my mum about it tonight and she understands that i'm not ready for this relationship to end, she said that before she split with my dad she felt the same and nothing could make her walk away from him because she loved him, even though she knew it wasnt working. thats how i feel.
so the question i'm hoping to find an answer to is how the fuck do i make myself stop loving this nasty, selfish person? becuase until i don't love him anymore i have no chance of walking away because i am a weak person.
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Comments
secondly, i think you need to focus on the positives that you can create for yourself in this new life thats unfolding in portsmouth.
the more you build yourself up, the more you will see that you don't need him, or want him, because you are a better person and deserve better!
if i was single and didnt have any emontional attachements then i would be so excited about my new job and excited about finding a place to live and embarking on a new chapter of my life..... BUT its never as easy as that is it?
i know for a fact what a CUNT this man is but i am 100% head over heels in love with him, and i am a weak person, always have been, and i know i cant walk away, the pain would be to much. i know it sounds silly but the pain i would feel to loose him would be greater than any sort of physical pain. im so sad.
i just wish my love for him would vanish
you are scared to be alone, and its understandable, he's made you feel dependent on him.
it is that easy, you just need to take the jump...once the ball is rolling, walking away is the easy bit...its the rebuilding your life after thats hard. but in the end its so worth it! if i hadn't i wouldn't be at uni now, having a really good time!
Yes i am scared to be alone and i am also scared of thinking about what hes going to be getting up to if we split up (drinking, drugs, shagging birds :crying: ) i swear it will send me mentaly insane thinking of these things over and over and over
you need to take a deep breathe walk away and don't look back. and being alone is good, gives you time to think for yourself and get your priorities sorted.
This is a common worry whenever someone splits up with their partner, and yes, when someone you once shared your life with finds someone else or gets up to no good, it does hurt.
But it's a fact of life and you just have to deal with it. You can't live your life worrying about what may or may not happen.
You are so much better than him he shouldn't even take up a tiny part of your headspace, there are so many better things for you to be thinking about.
IMHO the pros of moving to Portsmouth far outway the cons; the biggest pro being finally getting out of this destructive relationship.
When you're out there enjoying yourself, being around your friends, meeting nice lads and building a new life I hope and I'm sure you'll hardly give him a second thought.
You mum did have kids to think about back then as well ... so you're not as bad off as she was ...
Did she walk away in the end? What does she say gave her the strength? It's great that she understands where you're coming from, but she might also be able to support you in taking further steps to actually do this. I don't think you're back to square one as you've come so far in your thoughts on this already and so it will be good for you to try and harness what has helped you to get this far. The thing is that there's no quick solution to coming through this, but every small step is really relevant and will help you to get to a stage where you are really proud of yourself and can feel excited about the future.
Lots of really good points from TT and HunnyPot. :yes:
Its my first day of my new job tomorow and i'm shitting myself, untill i got made redundant from my previous job i had been there almost 4 years so its going to be scary starting a new job with new people and my bf knows im nervous as hell but that still hasent stopped him calling me scum and trash and a slut this morning. we were watching the music channels and a blu cantrall video came on, "oh look babe its your role model, she is a major slut, use to be a porn star, bet you want to be just like her". i'm reading a jackie collins book at the moment and he is discusted by this. he thinks that because i read books that are about sex etc then i'm a huge slut. i read a katie price novel a few weeks ago and "i make him sick" becuase i'm such a slut for reading it
one good thing though is i'm finding the time we spend apart easier. before i use to be really sad and want him 2 come over all the time but now i'm actually enjoying time on my own.