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Love or Lust?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
Love or Lust?
We have been dating for 3 years, but we always ended up have sex in my house. He has all kinds of excuses to not go to his place... I use to believe him(call me stupid...). Untill now I still dont know where he lives. He never introduced me to any of his friends or families... His father died about 3 weeks ago, I said I would like to go to the funeral as his normal friend. He was totally freaked out. I dont know what i am doing now, just feel so sad. He did say he loves me and he is a sweet guy sometimes. I do feel he just uses me for sex. He always says he is difficult guy and he needs time. Is it true? Should I give him more time?

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just needs time?
    Well he's had 3 years worth of that so ultimatum his ass and see how that pans out.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I wouldn't.
    icey wrote: »
    Well he's had 3 years worth of that so ultimatum his ass and see how that pans out.

    :thumb:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well, it's been 3 years, I don't think he needs any MORE time. I'd vote for lust. Question is, does it bother you? You need to be in the clear that you probably won't have a usual relationship with him.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    When i first read that description it sounded to me like he was married to someone else or living with them and having an affair with you.

    Either that or he is just realllly odd or comittment phobic
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Firstly are you happy with him? If so then yes give him more time.

    This may be really innocent as in he may be ashamed of his background & he may have had previous relationship(s) end because of where he came from. He may be ashamed of his family or where he lives- although I would question why you dont know where he lives
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Confused_2008 wrote: »
    Firstly are you happy with him? If so then yes give him more time.

    This may be really innocent as in he may be ashamed of his background & he may have had previous relationship(s) end because of where he came from. He may be ashamed of his family or where he lives- although I would question why you dont know where he lives

    He is not that type of person, actually he is quite arrogant. He always say he will take me to his place, but never did. I didnt push too hard just respect his privacy.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Wyetry wrote: »
    When i first read that description it sounded to me like he was married to someone else or living with them and having an affair with you.

    Either that or he is just realllly odd or comittment phobic

    I suspected too, but he said if that s true, he couldnt come to c me or have sex like everyday with me. .... I dont know...

    Most of the time, I m quite lonely and sad. We dont do too much together. He can be a really nice guy and I do love him. I m just lost now.... and more sad.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If he is making you sad then i would say its not worth it. You should probably cut your losses now and do somethings to make you happy.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He's dickin you about big time. He's got best set up in the world for a player...which he could be! :chin:

    I would not waste any more of your time on him. If he loved you he would have made more of an effort...I'm a commitment-shy lazy wanker at the moment but never would I, or could I, string a girl along for 3 years just banging her and not letting her be part of my life. It's a pretty fucked up setup imo.

    I'm gonna come off as a massive cock/bitch (whats new :lol: ) but it sounds like you are just he's glorified FWB/fuck buddy. End it!

    Seriously - you may like/love him now but he's wasting your life away. Its doubtful even if you break up with him that he'll change, he might promise he will, I wouldn't trust him though.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i reckon hes already married
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Harmless wrote: »
    He's dickin you about big time. He's got best set up in the world for a player...which he could be! :chin:

    I would not waste any more of your time on him. If he loved you he would have made more of an effort...I'm a commitment-shy lazy wanker at the moment but never would I, or could I, string a girl along for 3 years just banging her and not letting her be part of my life. It's a pretty fucked up setup imo.

    I'm gonna come off as a massive cock/bitch (whats new :lol: ) but it sounds like you are just he's glorified FWB/fuck buddy. End it!

    Seriously - you may like/love him now but he's wasting your life away. Its doubtful even if you break up with him that he'll change, he might promise he will, I wouldn't trust him though.

    I do feel a bit like this, that s y I m here and asking Qs. I said to him I wanna be part of his life, he said I know where he works and he tells me lots of thing about his life. So I am part of his life. Is it really? Does those count? What should i reply if he uses these excuses again then?
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    littlemissylittlemissy Posts: 9,972 Supreme Poster
    I think that one of the biggest things you need to ask yourself honestly is if you see this relationship having longevity. From what you have said here, I don't think it does. If you see yourself together in 5 years time, settling down a bit, in a totally committed relationship then you may have a chance. As things stand I don't think that your relationship has that.

    Be honest with yourself. He is pissing you around. If it was me, I would be out. But I don't know the full ins and outs of your relationship.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I dont wanna be judged as a slut.......

    He actually is my boss, and hinted if we broke up and couldnt work together. i dont wanna lose my job. He helped me get the job while i was down about one year after we date. I was greatfull and did almost everything he asked to keep our relationship as a secret. 3 years....I just wanna have a normal relationship with him and feel being loved. (He is quite discreet about himself, so nobody knows his private life.) Am I really his F*** body?
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    littlemissylittlemissy Posts: 9,972 Supreme Poster
    SaraJ wrote: »
    Am I really his F*** body?

    Sadly, I think you are :(

    What do *you* think?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    SaraJ wrote: »
    I dont wanna be judged as a slut.......

    :confused: how do you believe that will happen? :confused:

    IMO this is one abomination of a relationship you have - It must not be allowed to carry on. You've lost yourself in he's world of lies.

    I've been at my new job for 6 weeks and seem I know more about my boss than you do yours, and you've been fucking yours for 3 years.

    As littlemissy what do YOU think of this all? I'd remind you few home truths though

    You aren't a slut!
    You don't need him to be happy!
    There are loads of blokes out there quite happy to make you big part of their lives!
    You'll inner confidence will rocket once you get out of this messed up relationship.

    And he can't get rid of you if you break up, not without you having him for unfair dismissal. Beside he's your boss and you've been banging him for while, you must have some dirt on him. Hmm It sounds like you've let him bully and tell you how things will be for long time, it's not too late to change though. :)
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