worried :(

Former Member

hey guys, hmm just looking for some advice, i have become really worried about my best friend, i just dont know what to do Shes 18 years old and has been through the most awful things lately, She had a baby 5 months ago with her long term boyfirned but he died in a car accident the same day he was born- they didnt even get to meet. The baby was really ill when he was born and has been in and out of hospital ever since as he has a really bad heart problems- she puts on a brave face but i know that it is killing her it couldnt possilbly not be. Her mother who suffers from cancer has not long left to live and she has never had a father, my friend now wants to take care of her little brother and sister who are 7 and 3 - i love her so much shes so strong and had such kind heart but what i worry about it how she is going to cope? she visits her boyfirneds grave every day and just sits there for hours on end, shes even slept there a times. i have never once seen her cry and ive never been through such a thing so i wouldnt know but its lmost as if she hasnt grieved yet and when the time comes how will she deal with it when she has a small baby, a 7 year old and a 3 yer old to watch out for 24/7 , i have tried speaking to her but she just tells me that i will never understand. would she even be allowed to be like a legal gardian for them the way things are!? sorry if im babbling i just need some advice on how i can help her get through this?x

Former Member

She has definatly been through a lot and I think one thing you can do is just let her know your there if and when she needs or wants to talk.

Former Member

Normally social services will try and keep familes together if the can - as your friend is over 18 she is likely to be the first in line to be the main carer for her younger brother and sister. But as you said that isn't exatly the problem your worried that she will be taking on to much and won't be able to cope and she will need some support. Ideally she should plan with her mother what happens to her family after she dies and investigate with her social worker what help there is avaliable to her out there. (if she doesnt' have one she shoudl phone social services and see if they can help - i'm pretty sure they have duty to do so and she will have a better chance of getting to stay as a family if she starts planning with thier assistance sooner rather than later - that way she can also include her mother and ensure her wishes are in any plan that she comes up with.

As a friend in the short term what you need to do is be there for her as much as you can - maybe see if a few of you could get together and a few of you look after her baby whilst the other takes her out for the day or even for a few hours to do something. Or get her to come round and bake cakes and drink tea.

You should tell that yoru willing to listen to her and that she is right you might never understand but that you are still willing to listen and that she should at least give you a chance to see if you can understand part of what she is going through.

Former Member

Oh my god, you wouldn't wish any of that on your worst enemy, would you? Such an awful burden to put on someone so young. As her best friend, you are in a much stronger position than you believe. At the moment, your friend is in denial about recent events - and given how much has happened, I can't really blame her for it. She might be attempting to push you away, but don't allow her to. Sooner or later, she will realise that she has to deal with things - and you will, most likely, be the person she turns to for help.

In the meantime, tell her that you will listen to what she has to say and will do all you can to help at this painfully difficult time.

Former Member

How awful
Its good that you are there for her. I can understand her wanting to be there for her brother and sister rather than see them possibly go into a home, but obviously shes got lots of other issues too. Is she on antidepressants? It might be an idea for her to contact CRUSE.