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Mixed Signals from him im so confused.
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I started a new job in september 2007 and met this amazing guy. We became friends but soon after that i wanted it to go further. Finally got the courage to tell him that in may 2008. We started flirting and decided as we were both going to a mutual friends wedding we would get together for the night. We both agreed that whatever happened on the night we would never let it ruin our friendship. Before the wedding we spoke,emailed and text loads and somehow got to know each other more. Anyway,we did get together on the wedding night and it was the most amazing night. He made it feel like it was not just about taking our clothes off. As we work for the same company but different locations we never got so see each other but stayed in contact by email and texts. Soon after i began to realise i had strong feelings for him and made it known to him. He said he was flattered but we just (don't click). I was really upset. We had a huge argument and stopped talking. This pattern continued for months,talking then not. He told me he wasn't looking for a relationship which at the time i didn't understand because he always confused me. Anyway,my feelings for him grew a lot more. In november we had a company thing to go to and i asked him if he wanted to come stay over at mine as i lived closer to town. I was shocked when he said yes after all the grief and drama i had put him through. I thought well thats good because he always told me i would never get a reaction out of him no matter how hard i tried. He came over in november and we did it again. Had an amazing night and again he made it feel like its not all about that. On the monday i was just so frustrated i started an argument with because i felt emptiness form him in that he said i coulld not get a reaction from him. He emailed and said he understands how i feel and that it wouldn't be so difficult if he was not attracted to me. I continued to push him and once again we would stop and start talking. In december we met up again. After that night i decided i wanted so much more i told him i had really fallen for him,he said he didn't feel the same and did not want a relationship. I got so angry with him again,i always asked him what he thought about our situation and all the wrong things but he always ignored my questions about us. One minute he would b;ow hot then cold and always gave me mixed signals. I pushed him so hard to get a reaction from him,just to find out what he really thought and i always got heavy and hectic which he did not like. 3 weeks ago i decided to push one more time and this time i got the reaction i wanted, i pissed himoff so much by my constant nagging he flipped and told me not to contact him and implied that im not good enough for him let alone anyone else,he also said i was right in saying he is cold and heartless. He told me to move on and forget aboput him completely. I told a friend at work to call him as they close and he said to her that he is angry with me for pushing him to boling point,he always said only 2 people have ever pushed him to that point and i was one of them. He then told her that he has got feelings for me,weather he meant just sexual or emotional i don't know. That all happened last monday,by the thursady i was feeling so bad i emailed him to say sorry,he replied and said sorry to no hard feelings. I left it like that for a while but thought how could i mess it up so much when we had an undersatnding that we would get together at least once a month.i know that soulds stupid but i was happy with that. So here is my big deal. He went on holiday on wednesday,but on tuesday i emailed him to say i was sorry about last week and told him that i got nothing to loose if i told him what i think. I told him that i will not do hectic anymore or analyze things or question him or do drama . I said i would love to carry on seeing him once a month and promised to make it all about fun. To the biggest surprise of my life he actually and can you belive this,,,,he replied to say he would be a fool to turn down such a tempting offer but if i do hectic he is off. he said i must imagine all the fun we will have. Now after everything that has happened and all our arguments and bear in mind we were only together on 3 occasions he said YES. I can not begin to explain how happy i am i will not do hectic and all that nonsense again cause im thinking rather have something instead of nothing. He is back next week and said as soon as he gets back we will arrrange a night together. Im so confused as to what he is thinking or thinks,if he treated me the way did i would have walked away from him long ago but he hasn't and has agreed yet again to see me, what is going on with him,can anyone help me understand.
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Comments
Use them.
You're crazy! If you push anyone for anything or any reason, they aren't going to necessarily respond in a way that seems desirable to you. IE stability in your case. He likes you, but doesn't know how to show it. As you said he claims himself to be "cold and heartless". He's been hurt before and doesn't want to go through that again. But he does like you, at least from the way it sounds.
So don't be crazy anymore! Don't let your emotions get the best of you. He'll come around with time, but if you push him for information, you're going to end up alone.