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feeling low and inadequate when I don't have sex
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi guys
I have been a big reader of the site and hardly ever post.
Just writing this to vent I suppose but any advice would be welcome.
I'm a 24yr old male and I have only had sex with one girl. It was a long-term relationship and it was great but we are no longer together.
I have never been good at pulling in bars or clubs although I have a couple of times before. I've always been on the verge of speaking to girls at these places but almost every single time I have held back and got cold feet.. the handful of times I have taken the plunge (usually intoxicated!) they've gone relatively well, even on the times I was rejected I've taken it on the chin and it's never been bad.
My mates have all had more sex than me and my best friend has had about 7 or 8 girls in the last 2 years. He's 25 and he used to be like me up until 2 years ago. something just clicked in place for him and he started getting loads of female attention.
It troubles me on a daily basis, I sit down and I think 'shit I should be having more sex, I'm in my prime' etc. and it really brings me down, makes me feel inadequate and I don't know why. I try my hardest not to worry or think about it, it makes me feel extremely immature to worry about sex in this way but I feel as if I'm missing out on something important.
I was brought up in a single parent household, have never met my dad but have plenty of uncles who were good with the opposite sex when they were younger (one still is even now and he's almost 50). I always feel like a complete loser when they ask me if I've been with any girls recently and I keep saying no.
I don't seem to have problems speaking to people normally, I can click with people well and I like to think I'm not a complete arsehole. I know in the back of my mind something trivial like not having sex really shouldn't bother me! I tell myself all the time, but it doesn't help the way I feel.
I just constantly feel inadequate and the more inadequate I feel the more pressure I put myself under to get more sex. It's a vicious circle.
The strange thing is, no one has ever judged me for not having sex so I have no reason at all to be wound up about this.
I don't know what it is, I feel as if something is holding me back. I know I can speak to girls, I know I can deal with rejection and I feel happy being the person I am. I have good mates, good family and my life has been great aside from this minor setback of not getting any.
It wouldn't bother me so much, but there is a point every day where I actually think about my lack of sex. It's totally involuntary, it just suddenly sweeps my mind and then I start thinking.
I've made a promise to myself to stop smoking weed and to go out more this year as I haven't really been out much the past year or so and it's been going well.
If you read this far then thank you. Writing this all down has kinda put things in perspective for me, any comments welcome.
I have been a big reader of the site and hardly ever post.
Just writing this to vent I suppose but any advice would be welcome.
I'm a 24yr old male and I have only had sex with one girl. It was a long-term relationship and it was great but we are no longer together.
I have never been good at pulling in bars or clubs although I have a couple of times before. I've always been on the verge of speaking to girls at these places but almost every single time I have held back and got cold feet.. the handful of times I have taken the plunge (usually intoxicated!) they've gone relatively well, even on the times I was rejected I've taken it on the chin and it's never been bad.
My mates have all had more sex than me and my best friend has had about 7 or 8 girls in the last 2 years. He's 25 and he used to be like me up until 2 years ago. something just clicked in place for him and he started getting loads of female attention.
It troubles me on a daily basis, I sit down and I think 'shit I should be having more sex, I'm in my prime' etc. and it really brings me down, makes me feel inadequate and I don't know why. I try my hardest not to worry or think about it, it makes me feel extremely immature to worry about sex in this way but I feel as if I'm missing out on something important.
I was brought up in a single parent household, have never met my dad but have plenty of uncles who were good with the opposite sex when they were younger (one still is even now and he's almost 50). I always feel like a complete loser when they ask me if I've been with any girls recently and I keep saying no.
I don't seem to have problems speaking to people normally, I can click with people well and I like to think I'm not a complete arsehole. I know in the back of my mind something trivial like not having sex really shouldn't bother me! I tell myself all the time, but it doesn't help the way I feel.
I just constantly feel inadequate and the more inadequate I feel the more pressure I put myself under to get more sex. It's a vicious circle.
The strange thing is, no one has ever judged me for not having sex so I have no reason at all to be wound up about this.
I don't know what it is, I feel as if something is holding me back. I know I can speak to girls, I know I can deal with rejection and I feel happy being the person I am. I have good mates, good family and my life has been great aside from this minor setback of not getting any.
It wouldn't bother me so much, but there is a point every day where I actually think about my lack of sex. It's totally involuntary, it just suddenly sweeps my mind and then I start thinking.
I've made a promise to myself to stop smoking weed and to go out more this year as I haven't really been out much the past year or so and it's been going well.
If you read this far then thank you. Writing this all down has kinda put things in perspective for me, any comments welcome.
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Comments
Also, as cliché as this might sound, you should think about taking up a hobby for when you're indoors. That way you might not dwell over it too much and you can keep yourself occupied.