My brother is being a....

Former Member

Here's the skinny in bullet points...

-My Dad - 66 has had 5 hear attacks etc.

-My Brother - 25 Jobless (has been for ages) smokes weed, sleeps around doesn't pay rent and uses our house as a door mat.

My brother is the kind of guy who thinks he knows it all despite not getting anywhere in life. He's smug with himself... like I'll go shopping with my Dad and brother for food and we'll come back and ask if he can help put away... all we get is.. OH WHY DID YOU GET THIS FOR?! or AHH THIS IS HORRIBLE... and when I say well its not like you come shopping with us or pay rent for that matter.. and he says shut up i'm older than you (wtf?!) and 'I dont DO shopping' he's just an ungrateful git!

Not to mention when my dad was in hospital and me an my other brother go to see my dad everyday and stuff.. my other brother (the idiot) he goes out with his friends, and goes out camping..

It's like okay umm... thanks for being the older brother in time of crisis hey? and he rang up and said oh hows dad and I was like.. like you'd care are you having fun with your mates forgetting about any responsibilities you have - and hung up ( I admit harsh... but necessary)

He came back from camping and went and saw dad.. for once :S (his excuse is I hate hospitals :S) and cries saying how out of order I was for saying that... =S oh AND he burnt his finger on a camp fire and said 'See this is what I done worrying about dad' - bugger off you were too stoned to hold the sausage proper and burnt it.. simple. Boo Hoo

He's just so harsh to my dad.. my dad shouldn't be having argument and my brother always has them with him... I mean my dad cant drive now.. but when he did he gave him lifts EVERYWHERE even at 2am back from a nightclub ever week.

Now my dad asks if he can get a lift down to our local town which is 10mins away and my brother moans and constantly brings it up.

My brother was too lazy to give him a lift so my dad used his car to get petrol and gas and scraped his car or something and my brother went of his nut (his car is crap) plus my dad bought the car for him :S

he's just grr such a nutter.. I hate him.. he's proper gone in the head.

I hate it cause he argues with my dad and im like grrr dads got a condition he shouldn't be under a lot of stress!!! and he says loads of hurtful things to my dad like you don't care and I hope something bad happens to me so that you feel sorry for not giving a damn.

I hate him...

Any ideas on what I can do..?

he treats my dad like shit..

Former Member

Sounds like a really difficult situation to have to live with.

Your brother seems quite immature and like he doesn't cope with stressful situations very well (maybe that's the reason for the drugs and social life, not having a job etc).
He does sound like he's been acting like a complet knob, but my instinct would be that he needs some patience on your part cos he's obviously not coping with holding his life together very well and that's why he reacts the way he does. Maybe he's depressed? It's very hard to change your life around and be nice to people when you have a low opinion of yourself (and if you hate him, he probably picks up on that and reacts even more to it) and I'd say that trying to talk to him rather than arguing when he's done something insensitve would be the best way forward.

Try not to let him get to you, and maybe talk to your dad and come up with stratagies to cope with your brother's childish ways in a positive way so it helps all of you.
It doesn't seem fair to have to be the one to take control of the situation when he's older than you and should know better, but the truth is someone is going to have to so I hope you find a way of making it up with him.

Former Member

He does complain a lot and says you dont care and I'm trying hard.. but everytime I hear this I can't help but think that he's being a drama queen who just wants attention... its annoying.

I am really nice to him when he's normal even though he irritates me...but its just if you've done something wrong in his eyes he's lairy.

oh and once for example he said something a lairy voice and im like sean theirs no need for the lairyness and he was like i wasnt being lairy.. again using a lairy voice..

I hate arguing and try to take my time with things but he makes my blood boil. He thinks no one cares about him yet my dad constantly worries about him taking drugs and always use to call him up to see where he was.. isn't that worrying/caring? ahh he's so pathetic he moans about that but then complains no one cares.

I mean I can deal with it but its so horrible the way he treats my dad in arguments and then the next day asks him for fag money...

I try to tell him to shut up but the fact is he's bigger/stronger/scarier than me and arguing gives me the shakes... so I wonder how my dad feels and with his fragile heart.. I hate the thought of him going back into hospital..

I wish he would get a job and bugger off and live with his mates or something.

I know that sounds bad but meh

Former Member

It doesn't sound bad... It just sounds sad that it's got to this stage.

Maybe you should write him a letter about how you feel so that he can hear what you're saying without answering back and getting into an argument.

Sounds to me like the drugs and stuff really are his way of calling out and trying to get you to notice him... Reguardless of whether you feel it's obvious that your dad cares about him or not, the message he seems to constantly be giving is that he doesn't feel like he is cared about; and that's probably getting worse with the vicious circle of him acting up, you getting annoyed with him, so he acts up more so you get more annoyed... etc etc etc... See what I mean?
He sounds like he needs a lot of reassurance that he's cared about no matter what... and if you can't do that for him because you're finding him so difficult, maybe your dad could find some other ways of letting him know he's there for him.
Sounds like he needs counselling too, but that can be a difficult one to bring up and doesn't really work if people are forced into it.
Maybe even all of you going to see a counsellor together would help... I'm sure you can do that.

It's difficult to put yourself in other people's shoes sometimes... And I think that's the main problem here, neither you or your brother are really considering how the other is feeling deep down. It's really difficult to sometimes but it can help a lot to see it from the other point of view; and you seem more honest and rational about the situation so maybe you need to be the one who makes the effort this one time for the benefit of everyone, because he obviously isn't going to do it himself.

Former Member

well, yeah, he sounds a bit unthankful, but not a whole lot you can do, as long as your father tolerates this. He could be stricter too, like telling him, who bought the car for him (because your father scratched it) and that he is still the righteous owner and could just take it back, etc.

It sucks that he isn't more considerate of your father's condition, but your father - ill or not - is not a little child and could stand up for himself if your brother's behavior was so unacceptable to him.