Took a break, maybe it's time to be done.

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi all,
My girlfriend and I have worked through a lot of our problems throughout our 3.5 year relationship. Nothing too major honestly, but the little things are finally starting to weigh in.

Last month, we took a break for about a week. Both of us were very unhappy, she was nigh on depression according to friends/family. She finally called me, and said it was a horrible idea and that she misses me. We got back together. We've been doing relatively good, she has a lot of stress in her life at this time though, which always affects her attitudes towards me. (Particularly pissiness, bitchiness, and moodiness.)

She has always said that she wants me to choose more, instead of letting her choose, basically saying I'm a pushover when it comes to decisions such as where to eat out, where to go to hang out, stuff to do, etc. She also says I need to be more aggressive when it comes to sexual activity, being the one to make the first move instead of her having to hint at it so much.

We have always been a couple who isn't too physical, and have both decided to remain virgins; particular to her catholic faith which I am completely fine with. We practice your normal kissing, foreplay, etc, but -generally- abstain from oral activities. We've had a bit of a battle with this part, as she seems to want to practice it, but her faith and moral conscious often gets hugely in the way.

She has always had a pattern of flip-flopping back and forth between doing it and not, but unfortunately also almost always 'blames' me when it occurs saying that I haven't kept my 'word' that I wouldn't do it, even though she aggs me on to. Often she will maintain that it's fine once and awhile, but then when it happens the next time, she'll be clearly upset and resent my actions.

Tonight made me very angry, simply put. We had a lovely night, visited the local grocery store, picked up some food to cook at my place. We came back, watched our favorite television program, and made/ate dinner. Things get a bit steamy, and we get physical, and it happens to lead to these oral activities described above. She didn't seem to mind at all, so hold onto this part for later.

After we were done, we sat and relaxed. After perhaps 20 minutes, I started kissing her to possibly go for a second run. No-joy on that one, she, while not 100% clearly, seemed to deny it by not reciprocating. No big deal, I thought, and I went on with life and relaxed some more.

After 20 or so more minutes, she said, "Well, I guess I should get going if we aren't going to do anything else." This stunned me, but I figured I'd try again, no-joy of course on that attempt to, the feeling was already hiking to the peak of a Mt. Saint Helen's without my company. :(

She was obviously perturbed, but we sat a bit more without much talking, and she gave me a hug and left. I give her a call and ask, "What's the Deal?" She says that she is tired of making all the moves, and making all the decisions. I told her that I -had- made some, and I -did- try to be physical, and I even picked out what we had for dinner. I think I more than qualified for her expectations, but apparently not in her book.

After a bit of arguing over the fact that I did try, I then told her that I wasn't as aggressive due to her not wanting to be physical all the time, which she then said, "Well now I feel stupid, but you should have just told me that's why." I still don't quite understand the feeling stupid, but I regress...

She then randomly popped out that she was mad about our 'oral escapades' and that I 'broke my word' that I wouldn't. Now keep in mind that she told me no more than 2 weeks ago that once and awhile was fine, and we hadn't done it recently at all. How did I break my word exactly? If you ask me, it's just to put the blame on ME instead of HER. Am I right in assuming that?

Honestly, our break was rough for both of us, but I definitely thought it would take a lot longer to start arguing again. In case you are wondering, we split up due to stupid future-looking circumstances, that weren't a fight or anything like that.

I just don't know folks, I'm really sorry for the long post, but I just really needed to vent and get some input on what to do. We've NEVER had a big fight, cheating issues, or anything like that; most see us as the perfect couple. All of our things are small, but unfortunately they are adding up quickly; I just don't know if I should throw it all away for small things, or jump the boat.

Thanks for reading. :crying:

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sounds similar to the point my relationship got to (we've just broken up), but it's such a hard decision to make and just because it was right for me, it might not be right for you.

    Are you happy with her? I mean day-to-day, are you miserable because you're arguing?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Day-to-Day is usually good. Unfortunately, these little episodes of her being mad or upset with me happen almost every other day; and have for the past few months. It usually doesn't last -too- long, but basically it's a constant stream of her getting mad, us making up, then back to mad again.

    I'm happy when things have subsided, very much so, but it never lasts for more than a day or two before something happens again; which of course makes me ridiculously miserable during such times.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    "Life passes you by as you make your excuses", that's what this reminds me of. Does she always use her faith as a start of an argument, even though she's the one who has broken her faith, and not you? It takes two.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Weird - Sounds like the relationship im in....

    She maybe wants you "to choose more" - meaning that she wants you to stop the physical activity and in her eyes she can act as the weaker one (seeing that she the girl) and you the upholder of your faith.

    Her saying that "it is ok once and a while" is because she wants it to happen -- but after it happens she is ashamed making, her upset at herself but needing someone else to blame (you).

    You seem like a very patient respectful guy and I wish you luck with this - girls are tough to understand - I know.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I really appreciate the responses, and I think both of you are right on. She wants simply a 'scapegoat'. And thank you very much Conway for the compliment, I can use all the ones I can get right now.

    UPDATE:

    Last night we had a -very- serious talk about how I cannot deal with things like this as well anymore due to it happening so often, and that if this keeps up, we won't be together. She explained that she knows she is being a b****, and can't blame me for not just taking it. It was a very nice discussion, and made me feel like she really was listening to me, and understood; and perhaps was actually trying to fix it.

    We hung out today. She got upset because I made plans with a friend for tonight, instead of taking her out this evening. She got mad, only after she heard from a friend that she hadn't seen in a long time that she wanted to hang out tomorrow, effectively getting rid of our chances of going out this weekend.

    I had no idea this friend would call, and in all actuality, she is the one blowing me off. (Not that it really bothers me, honestly.) Yet, she is blaming me and saying that I should have gone out with her tonight, and while she maintains she isn't 'mad' at me, rather she is 'upset', she still is raising her voice and blaming the whole problem on me.

    Seriously. :eek2:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Satai wrote: »
    I really appreciate the responses, and I think both of you are right on. She wants simply a 'scapegoat'. And thank you very much Conway for the compliment, I can use all the ones I can get right now.

    UPDATE:

    Last night we had a -very- serious talk about how I cannot deal with things like this as well anymore due to it happening so often, and that if this keeps up, we won't be together. She explained that she knows she is being a b****, and can't blame me for not just taking it. It was a very nice discussion, and made me feel like she really was listening to me, and understood; and perhaps was actually trying to fix it.

    We hung out today. She got upset because I made plans with a friend for tonight, instead of taking her out this evening. She got mad, only after she heard from a friend that she hadn't seen in a long time that she wanted to hang out tomorrow, effectively getting rid of our chances of going out this weekend.

    I had no idea this friend would call, and in all actuality, she is the one blowing me off. (Not that it really bothers me, honestly.) Yet, she is blaming me and saying that I should have gone out with her tonight, and while she maintains she isn't 'mad' at me, rather she is 'upset', she still is raising her voice and blaming the whole problem on me.

    Seriously. :eek2:

    Sounds like things are only going to get worse. She needs to grow up.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Agreed Jaloux. I just hate to throw it all away if she -will- grow up. :confused:

    UPDATE #2:

    After my entry, she showed up at my house with a stuffed dog, a rose, and a big card saying how I was right and she was wrong, and a huge apology. She took me out for a midnight dessert, which was nice.

    So far things have been okay since then, but I'm just holding my breath on when it'll happen again.

    It's just so back and forth, it's just so hard, and as you UK folks say, a bit "Daft". (Am I right?)
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