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Getting back with an ex
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Sorry for the long post. Quick summary: We broke up, now we're going to try and get back together. Some of her friends don't like me, and they're influencing how she acts with me. However, we both want to try and make it work! If you have any opinions or past experiences please share 
Long version: My girlfriend and I broke up back in the summer. We were going off to different ends of the country and decided it wasn't going to work out between us. Our decision to go elsewhere was probably partly based on doubts in our relationship, as otherwise we would have moved to the same place together.
Since then we we started out not communicating much or at all, then talking intermittently and seeing other people. After that we were quite open about what had happened. We started talking more often and for the past couple of months we've talked most days.
We both still have strong feelings for each other. Despite the distance, we want to try and make a go of it again. I've had a lot of time to think, and I feel like I was stupid to throw away what we had. At the time I was being selfish and probably took it for granted.
It's obviously not going to be easy and there's no guarantee it will work out. However I'm confident for the future as we both feel the same way. I also feel my attitude towards a lot of things is more positive than before. I think a lot of the problems we had previously came from the fact I was going through a bad patch with low mood stuff, and I didn't feel comfortable telling her much about it at times. She'd ask why I felt down but I'd say everything was fine. She took that as me not trusting her or being able to communicate, but I don't think an issue like depression is as simple as that (is it?). Those problems also manifested in how I was with her, and at times I'd go through patches where I didn't call or text her... obvsiouly that was all she saw from her end, but for me it was actually not leaving the house, being in bed all day and finding it difficult to motivate myself to be around people or do anything normal.
Well we've talked about that a lot since then, and although I still have problems, I do talk to her about all of it. There a couple of things that are making her less confident about a relationship though. Firstly she doesn't want it to be like it was at the bad times before. I know in myself it won't be like that, but I can't convince her without just showing her how it can be. The second thing is some of her friends have quite a negative opinion of me. She's told me that she used to talk to them about me in a negative light, and never really mention all the good things. So now she's considering getting back with me, they're all understandably negative about it. The thing is, some of these people have never even met me and really know nothing about me. I mean I bitched about her sometimes, but my friends were quite easy going and didn't let that affect their opinions of her. She's said that some of them are very pretencious judgemental, and while she knows that, she still appreciates their opinions.
So anyway we're going to try and make it work. I'm hopeful despite the things that seem to be against us. I guess if it does work then maybe I can convince them I'm worth it? Or perhaps I only really need to convince her, and they'll follow? I'm worried about being around her friends - they've slipped into open nastiness about me to her now, but I don't want it to be weird or awkward with them. They've also voiced a lot of negative opinions about me taking drugs and clubbing, which apparently makes me a 'certain type of person' - to be honest that's a whole other story! Basically they dislike me.
If you have any thoughts let me know. If anyone has any experiences with getting back with exes I'd like to hear them. Don't just say it's a stupid idea without a good reason
Long version: My girlfriend and I broke up back in the summer. We were going off to different ends of the country and decided it wasn't going to work out between us. Our decision to go elsewhere was probably partly based on doubts in our relationship, as otherwise we would have moved to the same place together.
Since then we we started out not communicating much or at all, then talking intermittently and seeing other people. After that we were quite open about what had happened. We started talking more often and for the past couple of months we've talked most days.
We both still have strong feelings for each other. Despite the distance, we want to try and make a go of it again. I've had a lot of time to think, and I feel like I was stupid to throw away what we had. At the time I was being selfish and probably took it for granted.
It's obviously not going to be easy and there's no guarantee it will work out. However I'm confident for the future as we both feel the same way. I also feel my attitude towards a lot of things is more positive than before. I think a lot of the problems we had previously came from the fact I was going through a bad patch with low mood stuff, and I didn't feel comfortable telling her much about it at times. She'd ask why I felt down but I'd say everything was fine. She took that as me not trusting her or being able to communicate, but I don't think an issue like depression is as simple as that (is it?). Those problems also manifested in how I was with her, and at times I'd go through patches where I didn't call or text her... obvsiouly that was all she saw from her end, but for me it was actually not leaving the house, being in bed all day and finding it difficult to motivate myself to be around people or do anything normal.
Well we've talked about that a lot since then, and although I still have problems, I do talk to her about all of it. There a couple of things that are making her less confident about a relationship though. Firstly she doesn't want it to be like it was at the bad times before. I know in myself it won't be like that, but I can't convince her without just showing her how it can be. The second thing is some of her friends have quite a negative opinion of me. She's told me that she used to talk to them about me in a negative light, and never really mention all the good things. So now she's considering getting back with me, they're all understandably negative about it. The thing is, some of these people have never even met me and really know nothing about me. I mean I bitched about her sometimes, but my friends were quite easy going and didn't let that affect their opinions of her. She's said that some of them are very pretencious judgemental, and while she knows that, she still appreciates their opinions.
So anyway we're going to try and make it work. I'm hopeful despite the things that seem to be against us. I guess if it does work then maybe I can convince them I'm worth it? Or perhaps I only really need to convince her, and they'll follow? I'm worried about being around her friends - they've slipped into open nastiness about me to her now, but I don't want it to be weird or awkward with them. They've also voiced a lot of negative opinions about me taking drugs and clubbing, which apparently makes me a 'certain type of person' - to be honest that's a whole other story! Basically they dislike me.
If you have any thoughts let me know. If anyone has any experiences with getting back with exes I'd like to hear them. Don't just say it's a stupid idea without a good reason
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Comments
Don't worry about her friends. They mean well but you only need to make sure you're being fair and honest to your gf, and not blocking her out from your troubles. Should your relationship last you will, at some point, go through another bad patch. You just have to make sure that you're being honest and fair to her.
I got back time, and time again, with my ex that I loved. It fucked me up because it never worked out long term, it damn well destroyed all my confidence and left me broken hearted. But that was 'our' journey, yours and your gf may end differently. Whatever happens life goes on and you find happiness again.:)
What I'd learnt is don't take anything for granted when in a relationship, and to forgive yourself for past mistakes made!!!! You aren't living in the past mate, it's the now that matters, right? Make sure you be a good bf going forward, don't leave it down to your gf to contact you all time. Even if your having a down day open up and tell her so. Talk with her, it'll be the key to making sure you're relationship lasts. I figured that out too late really lol.
That way these little problems you have I.e her friends, will be able to get resloved much sooner. She'll be able to see what wrong and isn't left thinking that you don't care about her. If her friends are only hearing that then you can't blame them for disliking you, we all want what's best for our mates. Not to see them getting dicked about.
her friends are probably only being protective and she seems wise enough now not to let it cloud her judgement of you.
congrats and hope things work out
It's good that you now feel like you can speak to her about various issues in your life and also in regards to the "drugs and clubbing" thing. Horses for courses. I'm sure her mates do a lot of things, or have done a lot of things, that you wouldn't approve of.
Getting back with an ex is always going to be difficult for external parties and when I got back with an ex (who ended up being an arsehole anyway but at the time it was love) I remember getting up the courage to tell my mum. My mum cried, went mad at me but at the end of the day it was my life and she couldn't do or say anything to effect my decision.
Good luck with it though. LDRs are hard but 9/10 they are worth it.
Xxx