Don't know what to do

Former Member

My god, there's so much to get my head around I dont even know where to start.

I broke up with my ex (M) about 6 weeks ago. There were things about him that couldve been improved on, as well as me no doubt, but one day out of the blue i stopped hearing from him. I tried all possible ways to contact him and i got no reply, so i ended it two weeks later.

Another two weeks later i got in contact with an old friend (G). we'd known each other a few months but cos i was with M, i didnt pursue it. One drunken night i texted him, and we've been texting and msning ever since with plans to meet up and even discussed how we'd like to be together, all this with still not hearing anything from M.

Now, on new years day i finally hear from M. He apologised for everything and asked me to forgive him, telling me he went off the rails, forgot about everyone, and has been kicked out his band for it. At first i was adamant i wasnt going to forgive him, he was my first and only love and i was hurt beyond belief with what he did. I told G i had no intention of getting back with him and would rather forget about it. But now i'm having second thoughts.

Theres a long list i could come up with, with what he's done to me and why we shouldnt be together but ever since we've talked i've started to think about him more and have considered giving him another chance if he gets his act together. We had briefly discussed plans for when i leave uni, either living together or taking a holiday and i cant just forget all those things.

I also dont want to hurt G. He's said for me to do what i want and to not worry about hurting him but i do. We've gotten really really close and i dont want it to seem like i was only stringing him along and then to go back to M. But i still love M and have never met G properly in person.

Will i be a mug for giving M another chance? I've only been feeling this since we've regained contact and before then i've wanted nothing to do with him. G is also almost the complete opposite of M, so sweet i wouldnt even want to consider hurting him. My mind changes every minute from one to the other and i dont know what to do. At the moment G thinks everythings fine and we're right on track and M thinks theres no chance at all.

Former Member

Lexi99 wrote: »

Theres a long list i could come up with, with what he's done to me and why we shouldnt be together but ever since we've talked i've started to think about him more and have considered giving him another chance if he gets his act together.

Isn't the bolded the main thing? Sounds to me like he doesn't have his act together and you could as well have this happen to you again. Is it correctly understood that you didn't hear from him for a month?? And you're wanting to give him another chance so soon after?

Of course I have no idea what caused him to go off the rails nor do I understand how one can forget everyone for a month and suddenly re-appear... It doesn't sound encouraging to me.

Former Member

Hmm I reckon you're going to get back with/shag M sooner or later. You may as well inform G that you don't want to hurt him and friendship may be best for him. If he's still wanting you, then tell him you're likely to break your will power and end up sleeping/being with M.

It's then all on him - he can either walks away or risk meeting up with you knowing what may happen. Just because he's 'nice' doesn't make him right for you.

Normally our History will win over on 'niceness' and you'll most likely slip back to what you know and loved. But Fuck it, it's just life and you're young. Don't panic or stress out over it. Just enjoy M while he's back. In time you'll find the long term strength to tell M to fuck off and you'll get with a bloke like G/or even G when your ready.

Whatever outcome you pick wont effect you long term imo.We build shit up bigger than it is but that's because we dealing with it in the here and now, a year or 2 down the line and none of it wont matter and you'll be laughing about it.
You'll still find love and happiness whatever happens. Although I would say don't get into habit of letting yourself be dicked around by blokes like M. It's not cool on you.

Former Member

In my opinion i wouldnt get back together with him. If he went a whole month without any contact then thats a little bit silly isnt it? Did he even give you a GOOD reason why he didnt want to talk to any one? No ones perfect so of coarse there will be a few things you dont like. Unles he does werse than most smelly guys. :razz: Be careful what you pick because either way your gonna have to let down one guy.

Former Member

update

well, i'll bet i made the wrong choice. I chose to give M another chance, as was probably guessed. I told G and he now hates me and reckons its all doomed to failure, which it probably is.

I still have issues with M tho. I dont know if i can completely trust him. i told him to tell me if there was anything i should know and he just said, 'dont worry you cant trust me, i dont want to hurt you'. To be honest, i'm going back for comfort, because its familiar and comfortable, no matter how fraught with paranoia and insecurity im going to be from now on.

we're also going to meet up when im back at uni. he says he will come down to cambridge but we'll see. I really dont know what im doing at the moment.

Former Member

Making a break with someone usually doesn't take on the first attempt. The two of you will eventually start speaking again and everything will be forgotten and the two of you will get back together. M doesn't sound like the right guy for you and the two of you may eventually part ways in the future. You made the normal rational decision in this case I think. You chose M the person you knew, not G the person you haven't properly met in person. You've probably ruined your chances with G. But who knows M might get his act together and everything will work out. In any event best of luck to the two of you in the future.

Former Member

Another update!

I broke it off with M this morning. I realised i just wasnt going to happy and was more likely to be stressed, hurt and worried the whole time. I'm only just trying to get myself over the last time and i think it will feel like taking a step backwards if i go back with him.

Understandably, G is still quite hurt and i think confused about why i did what i did. Ive explained that i never meant to hurt him and i want us to be as close as were again and pick up where we left off, but i think it will take for him to come round. I hope he lets me, cos i dont want to have fucked this up for everyone.

I dont really know what to say to him either apart from sorry. i thought i was doing what was best and he said to me to do what i want to do. I jst hope he forgives me and gives me another chance. :crying:

Former Member

Well in my opinion i think you made the right choice. But the question is do you think its the right choice?
Aslong as your happy thats all that matters and in times like this put yourself first and dont worry about the others. They will get over it.
You ok? x

Former Member

Yea, i'm ok, i reckon i'm gonna be happy whatever happens. It's pretty much up to G now to decide. If he wants to be with me, ok, thats cool, if not... well i reckon being single for a while will be good for me.

I just feel bad for hurting G. If he decides not to give things a go, it will be my fault, i ruined everything and it was going so well.

How do people cope with knowing theyve hurt someone else? Even if they dont mean to or cant help it.

Former Member

What a turn of events, didn't see that one coming. I think G will give you another chance. His ego may be a little bruised at the moment but I think he will eventually come around. If I were G I'd give you another chance.

As far as copeing with when you knew you have hurt someone, in your case you had a decision to make and that decision was going to hurt someone. Not your fault its just how it was going to be. Maybe think a little longer about these big decisions next time. One person was always going to get hurt in this situation. Best of luck to you and G.