Should i be worried?

Former Member

Well here's my little story

Being a 22 year old guy that hasn't had a relationship that's lasted longer than 6 months i'm not full of confidence about the whole relationship thing. I have always been very doubtful that i would fall in love but have always wanted it to happen being the sensitive type of guy i am.

so this is it in a nutshell (can skip 2 last paragraph if bored lol)

I went out wth a girl when i was like 13. We were first loves and all that stuff u feel wen your 13 lol. she saw me in a club in 2007 and said a brief hello and then went but said she was on myspace. I think the girl is beautiful so i thought i wold checkout her myspace but couldnt find it. Then i moved to ireland. So months later and i get a message from her! we get talkin about everything. Shes with a guy who shes been seeing for about 5 years. I said i was over visiting 4 xmas so we arranged to meet for a drink. We ended up meetin a few times and falling for each other, i know whats the chances lol.

right im gonna have to cut this down. we talked and talked but by august 2008 i started to forget about it....then she says she will com and vist. so now we have spent some brilliant time together getting really intimate and everything is like a dream come true lke really thinkin she could be the love of my life.

Heres the problem...i just got back after being over to visit friends and her also......she rings me up and says her ex bf has been up to her house to leave stuff off and she wanted to let me know. I didnt think much at the time and all i questioned was when they split up, she said november. I was ok but now im backtracking thinking about her being with this guy when she was with me. Im starting to think of things to try and poke holes because everything is so great ( u know if something seems 2 good 2 be true and all that).

Im worried that shes hiding some things about her ex and because she was seeing me before she finished with him.should i be worried that she left a guy after so long? should i ask why? is it a big no no to ask about ex partners?

Former Member

Hmmm, i would say you should at least deserve to know what happened, as in, if she was with this guy, was she also going out with you? did she see you both as an item and if so, why if she was this other guy, and why did they break up? If you were 'together' as a couple then im my opinion, she cheated on both of you. I'd definately be a bit cautious of her until you know the whole truth.

Also, I dont think it's a problem asking about exes, not after how long youve known each other. Obviously dont ask enought to be considered a stalker or anything, but in this case, you definately deserve to know what happened.

Former Member

mrniceguy wrote: »

I was ok but now im backtracking thinking about her being with this guy when she was with me. Im starting to think of things to try and poke holes because everything is so great....should i be worried that she left a guy after so long? should i ask why? is it a big no no to ask about ex partners?

Yes, yes and not in my view- For your own long term welfare I'd suggest finding out why she left him. As the reason(s) could have direct effect on you. Better to know all the details if my view then make up your own mind afterward.

Were you doing the dirty with her whilst she was with ex bf?

and was she banging her ex/current bf at the time while she was with 'seeing' you?

Former Member

Aw thanks for the advice

Being a quie paranoid person im worried that i will wreck things if i start be questioning her when everything is going so well.....iv really fallen for her

I have asked her out officially and she said she didnt want 2 rush after a long relationship which im ok with but after tellin me about her ex she said that was half the reason she didnt want to make it official so things could cool down. Its touched my paranoia cuz now im thinkin there could be more 2 the story but i really dont wanna mess things with her. Im scared id go a bit mad with questions if i started!

Former Member

I believe that they have properly split but she told me november and i was seeing her before that!

should i be worried or let it rest?

Former Member

The whole paranoid thing is one of the things i hate most about relationships which comeswith being quite insecure i guess...

This girl could be the best thing that has ever happened 2 me, iv completely fallen for her. Like whats the chance of falling in love with your first love years later?? and im thinking asking questions can only destroy it?

Former Member

Hmm yea i can see where you're coming from but if you ask at least you'll know. Admittedly, it could all go wrong but if you want to, you can both work past it and be happy together.

If it does work and you end up together in 30 years time will you still be wondering what happened? If you are insecure and paranoid as you say, surely it would be easier to know then you can put all the worries you have about her to side and forget about them.

Former Member

Yey the thing is im thinkin about what i could lose i.e the love of my life.

she said she didn leave him for me cuz that would have been unfair on the both of us she just wasnt happy. Even if she did leave him for me should i be that botherd? is that not just life?

she told me they split in novemebr which was after we had been together/slept together. Now this is bad as i only found this out the other day when she was telling me that he left off her stuff. However if shes with me now isnt that all that matters?

its all so annoying but experience tells me if your looking for perfection your wasting your time. Its also past and i wanna think about future with her. I am now thinkin im gonna slow it up a bit but not sure about the questioning.

who here would have 2 question before moving on??

Former Member

Seems to me you're pretty content with the way things are and if you're happy with forgetting about it and moving on then you do that.

Former Member

Im just so happy 2 have a gorgeous girl give me attention. So yey i do wanna be content but i guess im not or i wouldn be on here lol

Former Member

STOP!!!!

Pussy. Pedestal. No!!! :banghead:

At the end of the day mate she is just a girl. If you start looking at her like a goddess and ignoring her past you run big risk of getting proper burnt. Take things slowly and enjoy it for sure....but don't ignore key facts and dont be afraid to tell her if shit don't smell right.

I'd have to get few things clear in my head before allowing myself to let this bird into my heart.

If her relationship with the ex run it's course and it ended because they drifted apart than great news. I'd dig little deeper and ask few more questions, if be doing so, you upset her than so be it. Better to know now rather then fall more in love with her - You never know 6 months down the line the ex pops back claiming to have 'fixed' whatever problem(s) that caused the break up and you get dumped.

Anyway slow it down and try not to build her up so much...as it only hurts so much more when they let you down.

Former Member

cheers dude! im findin it hard 2 keep my feet on the floor with a girl thats so dam gorgeous and lovable and just feel like enjoying something while its there.

your totally right tho if i dont stop looking at her in this way she could destroy me.

what would you make of her seeing me before she finished with her ex? she was seein him for 5 years and said she had never thought of cheatin until she met me. I dont know weather 2 be flattered or suspicious? im only worrying now cuz when i asked wen they split i didn realise it was only 2 months ago i thought it was before. we have been gettin it on for about 5 months. shouldn she have finished it before then?

Former Member

Indeed she could - I sadly couldn't stop seeing my ex with loving eyes and the bitch destroyed me. But it's life and whatever happens you'll get through it.

mrniceguy wrote: »

shouldn she have finished it before then?

In a ideal world yeah!!! I mean put yourself in her ex's shoes for moment.

I guess on one hand she been honest and that shows she trustworthy to a degree, yet she has done the dirty on her bf at the time. We've all done stupid shit that isn't cool and we try to justify why we did it at the time. No one is perfect etc.....You've known her for years...you know what sort of person she is, although don't let your heart fool you, even the prettiest angelic looking bird can quickly turn into evil bitch in blink of an eye.

On that note enjoy yourself but keep your wits about you. 2 months is nothing compared with 5 year relationship. Her ex will know what buttons to push and may well creep back into her/your lives.

Former Member

cheers, its nice to get an outside perspective.

well i thought i would bite the bullet and question her.

she said that they were on a break which i now remember her tellin me. I can remember thinkin "so you plan 2 get back with him" but didn question it. She then told her ex she didn want 2 get back with him.

She said she has seen him but hasn been with him in the time we have been together. She said she finished it cuz she hadn had feelings for him for over a year

So all in all i think it went well as she seemed free 2 talk about it which i think is the main thing. Although i thought tellin her ex she wanted a break then finishing it off that was a bit dodgy but thats just life i guess.

we went out when we were 13 and haven seen each other for like 9 years! i dont know her at all yet but she returning all feelings so far so its all good

I was tempted 2 ask how many people she had slept with but thought that might be pushin it and would be screwed if it was less than myself lol cuz she surely would of asked me back. As you say nobodies perfect and i could keep diggin all day and night. I think thats enough for me 2 close this 1. Shes looking like a real keeper but will think of your advice 2 keep my feet on the ground