I feel my boyfriend's mate cares more!

Former Member

Me and my boyfriend have been together 8 months this time but I don't feel as strongly for him as I did the first time we went out. We rarely leave our houses even though I ask him and he's quite selfish sometimes. I didn't really start questioning our relationship until the other day when one of my exes told me I deserved more. He told me that he had loved me and still does but knows that I don't want him anymore. Then another ex told me he wanted me back but he also knew that ship had sailed.

On New Years Eve, me and my boyfriend went to an intimate party at his best mate's place. Another mate starting flirting a lot with me and he was managing to press all my buttons, not just sexual but the way he treated me aswell. My boyfriend was in the same room but he didn't get jealous or stop the guy. I was really drunk and only managed to stop him doing one thing that turned me on, by that time I had fallen for him. We stayed up, just the two of us, really late talking and we did the same last night. He really seems to appreciate me which my boyfriend doesn't and he seems to know just what I'm thinking.

I really don't know what to do because I want this guy so much, I can't stop thinking about him. I don't wanna hurt my boyfriend though and I don't even know if it would work with the guy because he lives a few miles away and goes to a different college.

Help??? Please

Former Member

Had you been drinking when all this stuff happened?

Former Member

You've been with your boyfriend for 8 months and it sounds like the 'honeymoon period' is more or less over. You both need to start putting in some effort to make the relationship work. Tell him how you feel, tell him things need to change, and most importantly tell him that if they don't change your not going to be hanging around much longer. If her cares about you he should start to make an effort and realise what he's got.

As for the other guy. When things are tough in your relationship it's easy to find attention elsewhere and fall into an easy trap. At one point you'd have felt like that with the boy you are with now as that's what it's like in the early stages of a relationship, whose to say that it wouldn't be the same result with the boy you are liking now.

My advice would be to have a serious talk with your boyfriend and make him realise how you feel. If things don't change then leave him, but stay away from the other guy as your feelings can become very confused if you start getting too close. Sort things out with your boyfriend before you get involved elsewhere.

Former Member

I had on New Years Eve but I was sobering up by the evening. I talked to him all last night and it was the same ..

And my boyfriend isn't one I feel like I can talk to about things like that. I've tried a few times before to talk to him about us and said we need to change and he ignores me. He even admitted to me that he pays no attention

Former Member

MrG wrote: »

Had you been drinking when all this stuff happened?

She said 'I was really drunk'.

Former Member

I was really drunk when he started biting me etc., sober when we started talking

Former Member

If he doesn't listen to you then imo there isn't much hope. Part of a successful relationship is the ability to listen to one another and compromise. If he isn't capable of doing that then you're not going to get very far. I would end it sooner rather than later.

Former Member

I just can't bear the thought of hurting anyone, I've been best friends with my boyfriend for 3 years now and I know I would screw that up

Former Member

To be fair do you not think its a bit shocking of this new guy to bite you while your boyfriend is in the same room as you? Im just reading from what you put in your first post up there, but even if your bf wasnt in the exact same room, does this new guy have no sense of decency or respect for other people?

As I think someone said in another thread in regards to a situation like this, If the bf cant change, id stear clear of both of them.

Former Member

Lodemai Poison wrote: »

I just can't bear the thought of hurting anyone, I've been best friends with my boyfriend for 3 years now and I know I would screw that up

Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind and put your own happiness first. Why should you be miserable just for the sake of not hurting his feelings. And to be honest if he doesn't care about you or your relationship I doubt it would hurt him if you broke up with him.

Former Member

We were both drunk at that point and no one saw him bite me because I was lying on the sofa with him hugging me and his hair hid my neck. My boyfriend just doesn't get jealous, he feels flattered when guys come onto me apparently which makes me feel unwanted somewhat, hehe
x

Former Member

Lodemai Poison wrote: »

We were both drunk at that point and no one saw him bite me because I was lying on the sofa with him hugging me and his hair hid my neck. My boyfriend just doesn't get jealous, he feels flattered when guys come onto me apparently which makes me feel unwanted somewhat, hehe
x

in that situation i find it a bit weird that he didnt say or do anything to stop that. I wasnt there so I dont know the situation, but from the face of it, most people would feel a bit uneasy.

But back to the main point, would you really want to go out with a guy thats capable of doing that do his best friend. Would this have all happened and the late night chats if you both hadnt been drunk at the party?

Former Member

I don't know .. they're not best friends, they're friends that were invited to the same party. The late night chat probably would've because I stayed up to watch him on guitar hero, the notes hypnotise me I think I'm gonna see how it goes, I've got exams and things to deal with right now and I can't cope with all this stress at the minute. I'll just stay friends with the guy.
Thanks for all your help
xx

Former Member

Im guessing AS/A level exams?

Seriously, whatever you do with this situation it is your choice, but think of the fact you dont need this stress when you have important exams on. Step back from it all and possibly deal with it at a later date

I apologise about the best mate thing, i reread your first post, and noticed that you went to a party at your bf's best mates, but the guy in question was just a mate.

Former Member

No worries and yeah, 2 AS retakes on the 8th. 1 A Level on the 25th
xx

Former Member

your boyfriend sounds like a bit of a tosser no offense though..


follow your heart thats the best bit of advice anyone can give

Former Member

I can't revise because all I want to do is talk to the guy =/ I can't concentrate at all because I keep trying to phone him/get hold of him. His phone battery died in the middle of a big conversation we were having and it's the only way I can contact him atm and he only has my number on his phone. God I'm pissed off, why is New Years Eve just before exams :gonk:

Skive

Wrong thread.

Former Member

In a way I think no matter how shit your boyfriend is, you shouldn't be chatting up someone else while you're still with him. Either ditch your bf or stop playing him.

Skive

wooooooooah wrote: »

In a way I think no matter how shit your boyfriend is, you shouldn't be chatting up someone else while you're still with him. Either ditch your bf or stop playing him.

And I think that's spot on.
And this new bloke sounds like a prick.

Former Member

I've split up with my boyfriend because I know it will hurt us more if I drag it on. I have no plans now but I'm gonna live each day as it comes because if I think ahead I can't think straight. Thanks for all your help x