open relationship parameters?

Former Member

I have a girlfriend a little older and we're going well but we both like sex and don't object, in principle, to one and another having sexual relations with other people. She's had an OR before but I haven't. Seeing as we've both had experiences with our own sex then we basically, on paper anyway, have no constraints but I'm very uncomfortable with her doing other guys. I don't mind her doing a lot of stuff with other men, including oral, but I'm not keen on the thought of her having coital or anal sex with other guys. If she wants to do girls then I'm not concerned at all. She says that it's only fair if she can't get fucked by guys then I can't have extra-privillages, so I could do everything with the girls but coital and anal. Which left us with just the same sex and though we've both done stuff it's neither of our first choices so now I'm thinking just scrap the whole idea but she's still pretty keen on it.

Former Member

:crazyeyes :crazyeyes

Thank fuck I'm not in a relationship :cool:

Think OR have to be all or nothing. Beside Dude, would you believe her if she came back to you after having an 'open relationship date' with a bloke and said she's only given him a blow job?

And what girl is only going to give you a bj and not expect you to go down on her or fuck her brains out. It's just not gonna work mate.

If you're "very uncomfortable" with the idea of some guy's cock in your birds pussy than don't do it. Simple as, you'll only end up tormenting yourself with images of them being bigger/better than you and her enjoying it more with them. You may end up doing yourself long term harm in the bedroom.

Former Member

Hmm. I think if you're new to all this, you need a bit of extra time to think about boundaries and what it would mean to you as an individual being in an open relationship as well as a couple. Have you both been monogamous with each other up until now?

She says that it's only fair if she can't get fucked by guys then I can't have extra-privillages, so I could do everything with the girls but coital and anal

I think that's a little unfair, open relationships aren't all about, "If I can't fuck x, you can't fuck y - just because it's 'fair' that way," it's about what you feel comfortable with as a joint decision, and not a straight cut thing. I'm quite happy to let my boyfriend have sex with someone else, but him going on a date I feel less comfortable with, whereas he's ok with that and we compromise with each individual situation that's presented to us.

If you weren't happy with the situation, do you think she would be happy being monogamous? That would be the first thing I'd want to know.

Former Member

I hate to say this but this 'relationship' looks at though it may be rather doomed or, certainly, one that will never be that serious, unless you get past her fucking other guys.

It sounds like she wants her cake and eat it, and if you are unable to fulfil that need for 'cake', she is never going to want anything other than an OR.