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Breaking up with someone two days before xmas
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I don't know whether to wait for a few weeks or just drop the bomb now.. If I stick with her it's unfair because I really don't want to be with her anymore, she's gotten very obsessive-clingy with me and it's both pissing me off and freaking me out.
She's constantly checking up on me, breathing down my neck and testing me. If I go out with my friends then she expects me to txt her to tell her where I am going and who I'm going to be with (which I think is really weird!) and even then she still is angry with me when I eventually speak to her.
I feel like I'm going out with Big Brother.. if we have an argument she'll constantly ring my mobile, house phone, mates phones etc and if she doesn't get through to me she'll turn up on my doorstep or catch me on the way to work (she knows my route, which I've started changing because of this!). She's even scoured the internet to find my works telephone number so she could speak to me before.
I don't want to make any excuses but she's recently lost her grandma and grandad this year and all of her friends have stopped seeing her because she constantly causes rifts and troubles between them. There are other reasons why I want to finish with her, but to be honest I sometimes feel like I'm being stalked and that's not how a relationship should be.
Does anyone think I'm wrong to finish with her now? Should I wait til after xmas? Any advice is appreciated.
She's constantly checking up on me, breathing down my neck and testing me. If I go out with my friends then she expects me to txt her to tell her where I am going and who I'm going to be with (which I think is really weird!) and even then she still is angry with me when I eventually speak to her.
I feel like I'm going out with Big Brother.. if we have an argument she'll constantly ring my mobile, house phone, mates phones etc and if she doesn't get through to me she'll turn up on my doorstep or catch me on the way to work (she knows my route, which I've started changing because of this!). She's even scoured the internet to find my works telephone number so she could speak to me before.
I don't want to make any excuses but she's recently lost her grandma and grandad this year and all of her friends have stopped seeing her because she constantly causes rifts and troubles between them. There are other reasons why I want to finish with her, but to be honest I sometimes feel like I'm being stalked and that's not how a relationship should be.
Does anyone think I'm wrong to finish with her now? Should I wait til after xmas? Any advice is appreciated.
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Take this friday just gone for example, my mate called when I was over her house asking me if I wanted to go out for xmas eve to a free party and I said I'd be up for it as it's literally been months since I've been out properly with the lads.. she had a massive go at me, ended up running out of the house with just a t-shirt on in the pouring rain and hid in the street somewhere.
I eventually managed to find her, got her back to her place and said that it has to stop now.. She was crying at the top of her voice, woke everyone up in the house and the only reason I didn't leave and go home was because I thought she'd do something stupid.
Anyway, last night she had a massive go at me because I got home at half 9 and didn't txt her until 10ish because I was talking to my mum when I got in.. that was the final nail in the coffin for me.
I don't know what's more unfair, doing it two days before xmas or acting all nice with her then turning around a few days after xmas and saying "Well, actually..".
I had a friend who was dumped on Christmas Eve at a party which was all not so good - but they had only been going out a few months so it wasn't so bad.
But I think that you should probably do it sooner rather than later - that way she has some time to wallow at home before seeing anyone else - and maybe it will give her a chance to arrange something fun to do for NYE (if shes not already managed to annoy all of her friends)
however i would suggest that afterwards you tell a mutual friend or maybe her mum that your worried about her and to keep an eye on her.
Well in that case I think you should do it now and then at least you have the xmas eve party with the lads to look forward to.
Becks - There is a LOT of communication in our relationship, I have always told her how I've felt and vice versa..
I almost feel bad for saying it, but she can be very manipulative and sly when arguing with her.. it's hard to explain, she uses lots of emotional blackmail ie, "either believe what I say or finish with me", constantly plays the victim.
She tries to make me feel small in front of her friends, she accuses me of fancying her mates and if I so much as speak to any girl when I'm with her so goes into a serious jealous rage.. I agree she's really insecure, we've spoke about it loads of times and I've tried my upmost to reassure her but she needs it constantly and I just can't do it anymore.. it's making me resent her and the stalking bit really doesn't help! The last thing I need when I want a break from her is her turning up on my doorstep or at work.
I care for her but I don't love her anymore. It sounds stupid but for the past 6 months I've just been going through the motions without really thinking about it.
I trust her completely though, if she goes out I leave her to it.. I don't have a compulsive obsession to know exactly what time she's going out, where to, who with and for how long and then quiz her for hours when she gets back.
It's the "plaster theory" and I don't see the point in postponing heartache just 'cause it's Christmas. But maybe I'm just a total bitch/not that attached to (or romanticised about) Christmas.
Good luck!
I gave her the ultimatum friday and she did the same stuff all over again on sunday, I haven't spoken to her since but I'm going to chat to her later and tell her it's over.
I honestly have no inkling why she's like that.. she comes from a decent family that seems to treat them all fairly (she's the middle of three sisters but her mum gets on best with her), she's never been cheated on or treated like shit by past boyfriends (although I can see why they probably chucked her!) and her friends always seemed really sound to me but she caused so much shit with them they don't want to know her anymore.. but according to her it's everyone elses fault.
Still, at least I've made up my mind now. Gonna have to return all of her xmas presents but I guess that's the way it is! Thanks to everyone for the advice and happy xmas
lol really? I think if my boyfriend dumped me but then said "here are your xmas presents anyway" I'd want to chuck them back at him!
It also sounds as though she is trying to control you and that is not good for any relationship.
All the best
I stood my ground even though she threatened to kill herself and said I was the only thing in her life that was keeping her going and now I feel fucking awful. But she's gone now.. I'd feel so wrong if she did actually top herself but this is for the best.
Well done for sticking to your guns. She sounds like she's got some issues she needs to resolve.
She needs to talk to someone for sure. Have a good xmas
but nicen it up if you can
or if not id just drop the bomb straight away i mean...i got dumped a week b4 xmas.. =l
It's a shame as she was a really nice girl when she wasn't in flip-mode. Just wish the guilt would let up a bit!
It's emotional blackmail, mate. It's unfair when people threaten to kill themselves to keep a relationship. It's probably best, not just for you, but for her too.
As of the last 5 or 6 months she was a really difficult person to be with.. She used to slag off all her mates when I first got with her and I thought they were all nasty fuckers.. but after being with her that long I kinda know what they're talking about! It's mental really.
when i got over her
i was like "wow im such a frikkin moron" never doing that again.
its stupid but in times like them you dont think about things as much
and just because im 15 doesnt mean im a total idiot in relationships even tho ive probly screwwed my current one over
Which means she's either vindictive or emotionally immature. I guess the latter is a nicer thought.
she could be 100% ok in the head but
in breakups - or being the dumped the whole thing can mess withyou alot