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Stages of a relationship
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I was looking online about relationships and found that the stages of a relationship kept cropping up. What do you think about them? What stage do you think you are in at the moment and how long do you think each one lasts for?
The stage 2 and 3 sound really sad and its probably when most couples break up but if you can get through them then you will stay together for a long time and have a deeper understanding in your relationship. But then will things ever be as good as they were in the beginning?
Stage One: Attraction and Romance
All couples experience this phase. It occurs when you are beginning to get to know each other. It might also be called the fantasy phase because your partner can seem perfect during this time. How long this phase lasts varies, but it can be anywhere from a few months to a few years.
In this stage, you are focusing on your similarities. You are likely spending a lot of time together. You are in love, after all, and you can’t imagine being apart from your lover. Conflict is not only avoided in this stage but seems like it will never happen at all.
This stage is a lot of fun but is not sustainable. People who are constantly changing partners are often trying to remain in this stage.
Stage Two: Reality Sets In
This stage often will begin to creep in slowly during your relationship, but will sometimes happen all at once. In this phase, you now start to see flaws in your partner or behaviors you just don’t like. It’s not that you are no longer in love, but your partner doesn’t seem as great as he or she was in stage one.
Biology is fighting against you as well. The romance stage features many endorphins running through your body that gives you that “high” sensation. Your body can’t keep this up forever, and so in this stage your elation begins to level off. You might even wonder if you are still in love.
Stage Three: Disappointment
What began as reality setting in during stage two often turns to disappointment in stage three. The problem here is that as a couple you believe that arguments are bad but you are angry at each other anyway. Some of the anger can be over trivial things such as small differences between you. Since you don’t realize that conflict can be healthy, you wonder if this relationship is doomed. In fact, you likely have thoughts of breaking up or getting divorced.
Without strong communication, trust and the ability to work as a team, couples are unlikely to advance past this stage.
Stage Four: Stability
If a couple can navigate through the unstable waters of stage three, they will find that stage four offers much rest and enjoyment. As a couple, you now have history together and you have been able to work through some differences. The fantasy of stage one is completely gone, but you have accepted this. Yes, you have differences and you sometimes fight, but you love your partner; feel connected to him or her, and you trust that you can work through any future conflicts.
You may, however, feel a little bored at times as the chase is definitely over. You may also miss the stage one feelings and wonder if those feelings can be found in someone else.
Stage Five: Commitment
Few couples make it this far, even couples who are married. In this stage, you are truly a team. You have chosen to be with your partner, flaws and all. You no longer miss the romance stage because that would mean being with a new person and you don’t want that. You have a vision for the future together as a couple. If dating, this is the stage where you can get married and feel comfortable with that decision. It is a stage of mature and sustainable love.
The stage 2 and 3 sound really sad and its probably when most couples break up but if you can get through them then you will stay together for a long time and have a deeper understanding in your relationship. But then will things ever be as good as they were in the beginning?
Stage One: Attraction and Romance
All couples experience this phase. It occurs when you are beginning to get to know each other. It might also be called the fantasy phase because your partner can seem perfect during this time. How long this phase lasts varies, but it can be anywhere from a few months to a few years.
In this stage, you are focusing on your similarities. You are likely spending a lot of time together. You are in love, after all, and you can’t imagine being apart from your lover. Conflict is not only avoided in this stage but seems like it will never happen at all.
This stage is a lot of fun but is not sustainable. People who are constantly changing partners are often trying to remain in this stage.
Stage Two: Reality Sets In
This stage often will begin to creep in slowly during your relationship, but will sometimes happen all at once. In this phase, you now start to see flaws in your partner or behaviors you just don’t like. It’s not that you are no longer in love, but your partner doesn’t seem as great as he or she was in stage one.
Biology is fighting against you as well. The romance stage features many endorphins running through your body that gives you that “high” sensation. Your body can’t keep this up forever, and so in this stage your elation begins to level off. You might even wonder if you are still in love.
Stage Three: Disappointment
What began as reality setting in during stage two often turns to disappointment in stage three. The problem here is that as a couple you believe that arguments are bad but you are angry at each other anyway. Some of the anger can be over trivial things such as small differences between you. Since you don’t realize that conflict can be healthy, you wonder if this relationship is doomed. In fact, you likely have thoughts of breaking up or getting divorced.
Without strong communication, trust and the ability to work as a team, couples are unlikely to advance past this stage.
Stage Four: Stability
If a couple can navigate through the unstable waters of stage three, they will find that stage four offers much rest and enjoyment. As a couple, you now have history together and you have been able to work through some differences. The fantasy of stage one is completely gone, but you have accepted this. Yes, you have differences and you sometimes fight, but you love your partner; feel connected to him or her, and you trust that you can work through any future conflicts.
You may, however, feel a little bored at times as the chase is definitely over. You may also miss the stage one feelings and wonder if those feelings can be found in someone else.
Stage Five: Commitment
Few couples make it this far, even couples who are married. In this stage, you are truly a team. You have chosen to be with your partner, flaws and all. You no longer miss the romance stage because that would mean being with a new person and you don’t want that. You have a vision for the future together as a couple. If dating, this is the stage where you can get married and feel comfortable with that decision. It is a stage of mature and sustainable love.
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Comments
Even if relationships appear to be divided into phases, I don't think these phases are necessarily static. For exmple, even if you reach it to the final stage, I don't agree that one never misses the romance stage. Even couples that have been together twenty years and that can be "classified" as committed couples have their issues and some do split up because they feel more like friends than lovers.
Also, I don't think these phases can occur once, for some they iterate over and over again, so if you find yourself in the stability phase one should never expect instability to not occur again. People change over time, and if two people in a relationship diverge too far from each other that may cause instability at any phase imo, because people change opinions, perspectives, interests and jobs, all of which have an impact on any relationship.
Having said that, I don't feel ready for marriage or babies yet at all, which is nothing to do with not wanting to commit to him but more that I'm happy with how things are and see no need to change them for the time being. That's why I'd say we're at four for now rather than five.
Haha! Good effort!
Heheh, I'm not surprised. And to think people say you can't find romance with a fling...
I'd like to think, from the way things are going right now, that we've reached stage 4, but with elements of stage 1.
I think in my last relationship made it to roughly stage 2 but never lasted more than few months at best. It's a shame but maybe one day it'll happen.
I would quite happily of stated that 2 years ago I was at stage 2/3. The thing is we stuck at it and came out the other side. I knew things were bad but we got through it and I wouldn't have had any shame in admitting that at the time.
Actually I agree. I don't think you can boil the complexities of human love and relationships into 5 stages that everyone goes through. This is the kind of guff they use to pad out Cosmo.
In my life I've been surrounded by a lot of happy and successful relationships, and they are all totally different. Thinking about stuff like this is probably what stops people getting into a relationship that makes them happy, lest they not follow the rules right. :chin:
It does kind of sound like the kind of thing written by someone who hasn't had a lot of experience with relationships.
To me it sounds like it's been written by someone who's married but not that happy, and is bitter about losing the romance, trying to make out that if you still get butterflies for your partner and worship the ground they walk on, you obviously have an immature and unsustainable relationship, and that unless you are disappointed by the features of their character that don't meet up to your exacting standards, you aren't being realistic about them.
I would take it all with a large pinch of salt.
I sat there, pondered about my words and produced, "love is the reason why you are together with a person, long after you forgot why you are together with this person."
he laughed and said I was a pessimist, but hey, it's not too false I guess.
Haha! Yeah, or that!
This stage malarky is obviously by no means the way to go about thinking about relationships. It's massively impossible to definite the stages so easily, and it doesn't happen this way.
People's posts are testament to that!
seriously though, communication is the key to a good relationship (including good sex, but that's for another forum!)
I think it's also a case of inexperience; if you have never been in such a long term relationship then you might not know how to deal with it or realise that relationships will always be up and down and they are hard but they are worth it too.
Hey i just joined+i been partner 8yr 4mth+3wk lived together for 8yr+3mth+3wk of it got 2 gorg daughter 6yr+2yr +he 27 in feb i turn 24 nov08!i love him to bits dnt regret anything i am bi tho +i do worry what one day that wil bring xoxo
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the chiffre machine Enigma is nothing im comparison to this post