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Is it...

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
hey haven't been around for a while so sorry if this is cheeky but just a warning i reckon this could be something that could upset people and i didnt know where to put it so sorry if in wrong place

basically this is something which happened a couple of years ago and well my ex boyfriend kind of forced sex and well i was talking to someone and they said it happened to them and well basically they called it rape and maybe it's just me but for myself i cant see it as that or at least i dont want to and im just wondering is she right and i dont know sorry just so confused at the moment

sorry again if in the worng place

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Don't be sorry hp, yes when someone forces you to have sex it's always rape no matter what the circumstances. I can't really give you any personal advice but I would recommend you take a look over here: http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/

    Take care
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ShyBoy wrote: »
    Don't be sorry hp, yes when someone forces you to have sex it's always rape no matter what the circumstances. I can't really give you any personal advice but I would recommend you take a look over here: http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/

    Take care

    Yes, I second that, and I know that everyone else here will.

    x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    really sorry for this- i dont want to accept it i think im just really sorry-just wondering if it was all my own fault sorry
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Of course it's not your fault, how can it be? Everyone has the right to say no and what he did was wrong, don't blame yourself.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    just thinking maybe i didnt give enough to him and he needed it so i should have given it to him more often and then it wouldnt have been that and yeah sorry
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hyper person wrote: »
    just thinking maybe i didnt give enough to him and he needed it so i should have given it to him more often and then it wouldnt have been that and yeah sorry

    That should never have to be the case, though. He still has no right to do whatever he wants with you. It's your body.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hyper person wrote: »
    just thinking maybe i didnt give enough to him and he needed it so i should have given it to him more often and then it wouldnt have been that and yeah sorry
    I'm sorry, but no. Me and Rich have had a lot of problems with sex recently, resulting in him not really getting any, but he has NEVER forced himself on me, no matter how horny he was feeling.

    Your right to say no is much more important than his right for sex.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sorry
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hyper person wrote: »
    sorry

    Don't be sorry!
    We're just trying to make your realise that this is something that you shouldn't blame yourself for.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    IWishIWas wrote: »
    Don't be sorry!
    We're just trying to make your realise that this is something that you shouldn't blame yourself for.

    Just feel like it is my fault that i must have asked for it or done something to deserve it some how-sorry
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Please don't be sorry none of this is your fault!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i must of done something wrong
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hyper person wrote: »
    i must of done something wrong
    Why must you?

    If this had been anybody else, would you be saying it was their fault? Nothing you could have done in any way excuses what he did to you.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He said when i didnt sleep with him he got depression and stuff-anyone else no i wouldnt say they had done anything wrong-just feel really dirty and stuff now which is tupid as it was like two years ago now-sorry
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hyper person wrote: »
    He said when i didnt sleep with him he got depression and stuff-anyone else no i wouldnt say they had done anything wrong-just feel really dirty and stuff now which is tupid as it was like two years ago now-sorry
    But that's not your fault. He shouldn't have made you feel guilty for not wanting to have sex. Like I said before - your right to say no is MUCH more important than his right for sex, no matter whether he got depression or otherwise.

    Please stop saying sorry. You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for. It is clearly still affecting you and so if you want to talk about it then you have every right to and we will listen if you want us to, and we will try and help as much as we can.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I just dont know why it bothers me so much-i mean before someone said it was rape it bothered me a bit still but nothing like this-maybe i've just been speaking or thinking about it to much but i dont know-i'm probably being really stupid or something letting it effect me again
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Everyone is right hp. Forced sex is classed as rape and do not feel sorry for telling us about your experience. Have you told anyone about your situation? Apart from your friend? I am sorry that you have had to experience this. Have you reported it as a crime?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    becks27 wrote: »
    Everyone is right hp. Forced sex is classed as rape and do not feel sorry for telling us about your experience. Have you told anyone about your situation? Apart from your friend? I am sorry that you have had to experience this. Have you reported it as a crime?

    noone apart from my friend-havent reported it no-doesnt seem worth it-was two years ago-i think its just cos he is kind of still around in my life and trying to get me back into bed and that might be why its back in my mind alot more as well
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you can report it if you want to as he should not be able to get away with it.
    I would talk to someone else it may help you. Have a look on the site. In the sex and relationship section or continue to chat here and I am sure we can help you.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    becks27 wrote: »
    you can report it if you want to as he should not be able to get away with it.
    I would talk to someone else it may help you. Have a look on the site. In the sex and relationship section or continue to chat here and I am sure we can help you.

    I dont know it just seems like it would be my word against his and i cant go through it all and couldnt deal with others finding out-im really sorry i dont know why im not dealing with this better
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    **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    hyper person wrote: »
    i cant go through it all and couldnt deal with others finding out-im really sorry i dont know why im not dealing with this better

    Hey hp, as others said you shouldn't feel you have to apologise, you've experienced something really tough and it's totally normal to be struggling to come to terms with it. As other have said, do stick around TheSite.org to chat if it helps you and you may also find our article relating to this topic useful. Take good care. :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    **Helen** wrote: »
    Hey hp, as others said you shouldn't feel you have to apologise, you've experienced something really tough and it's totally normal to be struggling to come to terms with it. As other have said, do stick around TheSite.org to chat if it helps you and you may also find our article relating to this topic useful. Take good care. :)

    Thanks helen...
    Just gonna take a while i think-doesnt help i just want to see him now to prove it cant be right...just revisting everything including all the stuff he said recently about how he still loves me and stuff-sorry again
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    **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    hyper person wrote: »
    just revisting everything including all the stuff he said recently about how he still loves me and stuff-sorry again

    Hey hp, one of the key things to think about in any relationship is actions speak louder than words. Regardless of what he may say to you now, it's important to think about how you actually feel about what he did and how you've felt about the way he's treated you in the past. One of the things that really stands out in this thread is when you said you thought it might have been your fault that he forced sex. As others said, that is never the case - sex is something that should only happen when both people consent. It's quite worrying to think that what he may have said to you made you feel that it could be your fault. Therefore, when thinking about the future, perhaps ask yourself whether or not you think you'll be able to become a stronger and happier person if he's still in your life.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    **Helen** wrote: »
    Hey hp, one of the key things to think about in any relationship is actions speak louder than words. Regardless of what he may say to you now, it's important to think about how you actually feel about what he did and how you've felt about the way he's treated you in the past. One of the things that really stands out in this thread is when you said you thought it might have been your fault that he forced sex. As others said, that is never the case - sex is something that should only happen when both people consent. It's quite worrying to think that what he may have said to you made you feel that it could be your fault. Therefore, when thinking about the future, perhaps ask yourself whether or not you think you'll be able to become a stronger and happier person if he's still in your life.

    Thanks Helen again. I dont know what I feel-probably at the moment its more confused than anything else, as i said im revisiting so much of it in my head and at the moment just want to talk to him to see what he says but dont have the confidence to do as im such a wimp. i am truly sorry for all of this and wish it would go away and i could move on.
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