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Personality differences + housemates
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hey guys. I'm a bit grumpy atm 
.
Yesterday it was lots of little things, I was loading the dishwasher and one of my housemates kept taking things I'd put in out and putting them in other places and laughed and said "you don't have a dishwasher at home do you?". Well, actually I do, but at home I'm not so OCD about it, as long as everything is in and has space for the water to get for it, it doesn't matter if it's in a nice line.
Then I poured everyone a glass of water for dinner, and housemate threw it in sink and repoured one as it cloudy and 'warm' apparently (from cold tap, mine was cold..). This really hurt my feelings as I felt everything I was doing was being rubbished.
Thing is, I've noticed I've got a different personality to some of my housemates. Lets say there's John, Charlie and Hannah (and me!).
Charlie seems to be lacking in consideration - not maliciously - he just seems a bit oblivious to it. This includes imposing on others, not offering to do chores or proactively doing them, he even leaves his dinner plate on the table after he leaves. Yesterday when I was already hurt by the d/washer / water thing (probably stupid) when John was serving up and said 'who wants a small bit' Charlie looked straight at me.
Whenever dinner is being served up, he always watches my plate being served up (and probably others) and it makes me feel bad, like he's judging whether I'm getting more or less than him. I don't mind having less at all, just yesterday I was quite hungry so wasn't going to volunteer for the small bit! I do like him, I should put that straight, he just seems a bit like a 'mummys boy' in that he's been nurtured to be a bit self centered and cater for his own needs/wants.
Hannah is also lovely, but at times can be very childish. She will often try to play mother and explain the simplest of things, like for example when I was loading the dishwasher, I put the scissors in, spread the blades, she took them out, spread the blades further and explained how they need to be fully opened. :eek2:
It doesn't normally bother me, it's one of those gremlins you have with friends, but being continually patronised does get upsetting as it makes you feel like people have no confidence in your ability. And when its stupid stuff like the correct way to chop vegetables or fry mince or whatever... I am too worried about being offensive to say 'errr, I do know how to this you know'.
John is sound pretty much. I think he's in a similar position to me, in that he is possibly over polite of the other's misgivings. It's little things, like we wait until everyone has been served for dinner before eating, whereas the other two will serve themselves and just begin eating, it just seems a bit impatient.
I think maybe I have different standards as well to things - in that I don't mind if they're not 'perfect' as long as it's ok. I wanted to do some of my own recipes this term but felt too scared as I think my housemates standards are very high. Personally as long as things are cooked it's ok, but I've seen on occasion a housemate leave a plate full of food because apparently they didn't like it.
I'm just a bit sensitive at the minute and a bit grumpy and it's just starting to get to me. I'm still for whatever reason still a bit hurt by having my dishwasher-filling skills criticised and my glass-of-water ability questioned lol.
.Yesterday it was lots of little things, I was loading the dishwasher and one of my housemates kept taking things I'd put in out and putting them in other places and laughed and said "you don't have a dishwasher at home do you?". Well, actually I do, but at home I'm not so OCD about it, as long as everything is in and has space for the water to get for it, it doesn't matter if it's in a nice line.
Then I poured everyone a glass of water for dinner, and housemate threw it in sink and repoured one as it cloudy and 'warm' apparently (from cold tap, mine was cold..). This really hurt my feelings as I felt everything I was doing was being rubbished.
Thing is, I've noticed I've got a different personality to some of my housemates. Lets say there's John, Charlie and Hannah (and me!).
Charlie seems to be lacking in consideration - not maliciously - he just seems a bit oblivious to it. This includes imposing on others, not offering to do chores or proactively doing them, he even leaves his dinner plate on the table after he leaves. Yesterday when I was already hurt by the d/washer / water thing (probably stupid
) when John was serving up and said 'who wants a small bit' Charlie looked straight at me.Whenever dinner is being served up, he always watches my plate being served up (and probably others) and it makes me feel bad, like he's judging whether I'm getting more or less than him. I don't mind having less at all, just yesterday I was quite hungry so wasn't going to volunteer for the small bit! I do like him, I should put that straight, he just seems a bit like a 'mummys boy' in that he's been nurtured to be a bit self centered and cater for his own needs/wants.
Hannah is also lovely, but at times can be very childish. She will often try to play mother and explain the simplest of things, like for example when I was loading the dishwasher, I put the scissors in, spread the blades, she took them out, spread the blades further and explained how they need to be fully opened. :eek2:
It doesn't normally bother me, it's one of those gremlins you have with friends, but being continually patronised does get upsetting as it makes you feel like people have no confidence in your ability. And when its stupid stuff like the correct way to chop vegetables or fry mince or whatever... I am too worried about being offensive to say 'errr, I do know how to this you know'.
John is sound pretty much. I think he's in a similar position to me, in that he is possibly over polite of the other's misgivings. It's little things, like we wait until everyone has been served for dinner before eating, whereas the other two will serve themselves and just begin eating, it just seems a bit impatient.
I think maybe I have different standards as well to things - in that I don't mind if they're not 'perfect' as long as it's ok. I wanted to do some of my own recipes this term but felt too scared as I think my housemates standards are very high. Personally as long as things are cooked it's ok, but I've seen on occasion a housemate leave a plate full of food because apparently they didn't like it.
I'm just a bit sensitive at the minute and a bit grumpy and it's just starting to get to me. I'm still for whatever reason still a bit hurt by having my dishwasher-filling skills criticised and my glass-of-water ability questioned lol.
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Comments
This year is A - who is perfectly lovely, but has a bad habit of leaving lots of mouldy tuna dishes around.
B - who smokes, so the house smells, and washes her dishes in cold water.
C - who is a health freak and really intense in all his conversations
and D - who I was good friends with until we moved here and is being a complete and utter bitch to everyone else in the flat.
Then there's me who can't be fucked with flat politics so I do my best to deal with it. I think that's all there is for it. Dealing with it. Best method I've found so far!
i only share a kitchen, and we're all pretty adult, and we sat down and talked about stuff when we first moved in. but i know i'd blow my top after a while of being patronised...
I hate drinking warm water, anything other than pretty chilly tastes foul to me, so always run the tap well before I do myself a glass of water. If he got the first one and I was in his position I'd have changed it for one from a run tap.
The dishwasher loading thing may well be the ways he's grown up, I know some households where dishwashers are loaded just so, and others were stuff is randomly spread round. My parents disagree on how to do it and one frequently will rearrange what the other has done because they are genuinely convinced it doesn't clean as well that way round.
To him it's not a criticism as such, just a difference in experience.
I wouldn't go so far as to say you are being unreasonable, but it's coming up to the end of term and people are all tired, and thus less tolerant of each other, less considerate and generally more irritating habits shine through. It's worth remembering that even people who get along well need some space from each other otherwise you start to get annoyed or upset by the tinest things. You said you hadn't been feeling top notch receently and spent all your time in the flat so that won't be helping your feelings on this.
As my dad used to say, if you were stranded in a desert...
Sorry but that's a ridiculous argument
If you were stranded in a desert you'd probably have to drink your own piss to survive but I doubt you'd be too happy if your housemate poured you a glass of weewee
I can see how it might get a bit annoying people telling you how to load the dishwasher, but I think you're being way oversensitive over the water thing
I can understand, though, that it's the last straw kind of thing. It only takes something small and insignificant to take you over the edge. Like yesterday when my flatmate took the dish drying rack away. I don't know what she was trying to achieve, but that pissed me off in addition to a thousand other things.
You don't *actually* have to take sayings literally you know.
It's about being grateful for things and not being excessively fussy.
The water was cold from the cold water tap. It wasn't the first because mine was (the first two went to the far end of the table where I sat). It was because I had poured it quickly and it was cloudy.
I'm with you on that one!
Hugs SB...just look forward to the hols now
I'm pretty sure that this knowledge is basic to people viewings this post, and it's just Shyboy's housemate who is being difficult!
And to have a dishwasher in a shared house - NICE!
ARGH.
Also, it's good to have a list of chores from period to period, divide them between you and have a rotation, so that everyone has the chance to clean the showers and the toilets...
See, we're alright for the general cleaning but some people can be so freakin anal!
I see. But as far as I'm reading I can agree that your mates go too far if they are picky on how to chop vegetables or how to load a dishwasher. But then you have to talk to them about it and say that these picky things doesn't affect cleanliness at all and that you don't care how they like to bend the scissors before cleaning but that you find it unnecessary. You shouldn't accept being patronized and patronizing won't stop before you put your leg down.
From personal experience, that DOESN'T work. We had a washing up rota last year and I usually ended up doing a whole week or half a week's worth of washing up on my day because they never did it.
That's why I put my foot down and told her to stop being daft. But she got really pissed off at me and told me that she'd never mentioned other people and what they do.