If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Options
Racist colleague, how to deal?
Indrid Cold
Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
I recently found out that one of the people at the same office is racist. I thought she was joking at first because otherwise she seemed very nice, but she wasn't joking.
This might be a very basic thing for most others, but I really don't know how to deal with her now. The next few days I didn't even say "Good morning", or anything else, but as there's only 11 of us in there we're obviously going to be seeing each other a lot, and surely the others will soon notice that something is "off".
Do you think I'm overreacting? I have to say that racism is one of the worst things I can think of in people without them having committed any crimes, and the thought of one of them so close is making me disgusted.
Last but not least, I'm supposed to be helping everyone in there if they need help with computers (pretty much anything) and while before our "talk" she needed help with something quite often, since then she hasn't spoken to me at all either. If she did ask for help with something I would do it of course, but if she won't and ends up needing help it will become obvious that there's an issue between us more quickly.
Sorry if the above text isn't organised very well, but I didn't really want to sit down and put my thoughts on this in a clear order. I hope it makes sense at least.
This might be a very basic thing for most others, but I really don't know how to deal with her now. The next few days I didn't even say "Good morning", or anything else, but as there's only 11 of us in there we're obviously going to be seeing each other a lot, and surely the others will soon notice that something is "off".
Do you think I'm overreacting? I have to say that racism is one of the worst things I can think of in people without them having committed any crimes, and the thought of one of them so close is making me disgusted.
Last but not least, I'm supposed to be helping everyone in there if they need help with computers (pretty much anything) and while before our "talk" she needed help with something quite often, since then she hasn't spoken to me at all either. If she did ask for help with something I would do it of course, but if she won't and ends up needing help it will become obvious that there's an issue between us more quickly.
Sorry if the above text isn't organised very well, but I didn't really want to sit down and put my thoughts on this in a clear order. I hope it makes sense at least.
0
Comments
Racism is not the evil thing people make it out to be - because it's simple ignorance.
What is evil is beating people up, raping women, killing people, harrassing them etc. The motivating factor of ignorance which causes them to do be like that could be based on skin, sex, gender, hair colour, whatever.
Racism is the current hot potato but holding a racist view is no worse than having it in for someone because they're ginger, bald, fat etc.
But I still don't know how to deal with her. I mean, if I go back to how things were before, it will seem like I'm OK with what she said, when in fact I'm not.
If your colleague had said something like "Who's that slaphead in the office next-door" would you feel as uncomfortable?
EDIT: Never mind, I saw what it means. No, I guess I wouldn't be. But I'd think that was a bitchy thing to say (regardless of the sex of the one who said it).
And in any case, maybe I should just go "normal" and at some point, or if she mentions anything, I should apologise for how I was in the past week and simply state that I don't agree with her views and think she's terribly wrong?
As for what you should do, how about nothing at all? Just carry on as you've always been to her but if she makes that comment again just say you want to make it clear you feel very uncomfortable with it?
Without knowing the full circumstances involved it really sounds like you're massively overreacting.
There's a newsagents near me run by Bangladeshis, if he's popping down there my mate sometimes says "I'm off down the Paki's to get fags". He's never said anything racist to me, or acted in a hostile way to anyone, he just uses a particularly unfortunate and inappropriate word out of ignorance and convenience He's not the sharpest tool in the box but I don't see him signing up for the BNP.
I do see that I overreacted, and I'll be fine from now on. I think something of what she said (which wasn't just a word btw, she really did admit she's racist) struck a sensitive nerve in me, which I guess shouldn't have been that sensitive in the first place.
What I would do is let her know that you don't agree with her attitude towards other races but that she is entitled to her own opinion all the same and you won't let it affect your work or relationship to her to the point that you will ignore her etc.
As far as I'm aware, no one has ever been lynched for having ginger hair.
Or forced out of their home for being fat.
Or been beaten up for being bald.
So that's your measure of racism? It's okay to drop it casually into conversation if you're a bit thick but watch the fuck out if you join the BNP?
Having a racist view and being destructive or acting on it are 2 seperate matters. My parents are of the 'Alf Garnett' generation. When Colin Jackson won medals for Wales in the Commonwealth Games they used to say things like "I wonder which part of Wales he's from". But would they be hostile to a black person? Would they walk on past an injured Indian/Pakistani? Would they try and run over a half-caste person? No on all counts.
The 3 instances you've pointed out are what's wrong with the world and need to be dealt with. Racism in itself is not the problem - it's acts such as what you've describe that are the issue.
Clearly I didn't say it was ok (and please don't put words in my mouth), I said I'm pointing out the difference.
In any case, I just said "good morning" like normal today.
Racism is a hard issue to deal with and grasp as a reality unless we see it. Whether its is an action or a comment, realising that there are still people out there who openly act racist can be shocking. I think it might be unfair to say the OP was overreacting, as the feelings felt at that particular moment can be unpredictable.
It may be hard to ignore it, yet in such a work environment you will inevitably have to deal with it, mainly within yourself. Try not to let it bother you at work as much, and if you feel frustrated, just talk to your friends outside of work.
Good luck
you say that someone told you that they are racist. Do you have any knowledge of that being the case? Especially when you say that they were nice in the first place. I do not think you can just go on what someone else tells you. If they happened to make a racist comment of some sort to you then it would be a different matter all together. As for my husband ... a white man tells my husband to go back to his own country...little did they know that he was born in England and raised in Holland. Now that I find very racist indeed and told the person that he was.
I would just carry on as normal and see if anything comes out of what this other person has told you?
I work with young people and it is a big issue in our community.
To be more exact, it all started when she mentioned that she doesn't like a particular train station because there are many black people there and they scare her. I asked what she meant exactly and she said that they're beggars and tramps (not exactly the words she used, I don't remember) and have faces of criminals.
It is a fact that there are many beggars and "tramps" in that part of the city, most of them immigrants I think, and many of them happen to be black. So I said that maybe what scares her isn't what people are, but what they do.
I don't remember what she said after that, but I replied with "Now you're scaring me!" she asked why, and I said I didn't expect to come across racism, and she said "Oh yes, I am a racist" matter-of-fact-ly.
Then she said that she really can't stand Albanians, and that was basically what struck the sensitive nerve (not that everything else didn't matter to me).
Typing this now I'm feeling upset again. On one hand she really does seem nice, besides that conversation, and I felt bed when I didn't speak to her last week. But playing the conversation again in my head, I also feel like a traitor to my principles for talking to her like nothing happened...
People have a right to have and express their opinion, as long as they don't hurt anyone, and it doesn't sound like she will.