Closeness

Indrid Cold

Once again today I got reminded that I have no one to be close to. Sure, there's people to go out with and have fun and everything, and that's great, but there's absolutely no one to whom I could say anything that's on my mind or to help me feel less alone when I need to.
I often say there never were such people, but the truth is there used to be, up until I was 15 or so. Then they left me (except one, but even with him things were never the same) and that's how it's been all these years since then.
Over time I've learned to pretend it's fine, to occupy my mind with all kinds of other stuff, just as long as I never have to think about it. But once in a while, like today, I'm reminded of how things are and how much I need someone to be close to, but there's still no one.
And sometimes I think that it's my fault because I rarely/never open up to anybody, but then again no one else opens up to me either. There's no reason I should be the one to do it first, is there? So it must be the people I know as well.

I just needed to let that out a bit. Thanks for reading.

Former Member

You are definitely not alone in how you feel. Alot of people feel like that.

I live in halls at uni, and it's dead at weekends and it gets quite lonely during the long winter nights. It wasn't so bad when i had a gf, but since we've broken up I'm back by myself again.

There are loads of people who feel the same way as you and are looking for someone to be close to. Everybody is looking for somebody.

Indrid Cold

I think most people have at least one close friend of family member they can share things with, don't they?

Former Member

Indrid Cold wrote: »

I think most people have at least one close friend of family member they can share things with, don't they?

Supposedly. I can share things with my boyfriend, but he's my best friend too and I don't want to overload that with heavy, heavy horrible talk all the time. Does that make sense?

So I often find myself without people I can talk to... I find it really hard to trust people and I've yet to meet anyone I can get close too. I guess there's a lot of things about me and my past that people hide from. The one person I did get close to asked me something about my past. I told him something that I had never told anyone, because I trusted him, and he never looked at me the same way. I haven't spoken to him properly in years.

But please know that I'm more than happy to listen whenever you need to get something off your chest. I won't judge, and I'll treat anything you say with confidence.

**helen**

Hey Indrid,
I agree with the others, lots of people feel like this - and as you say, most people do have one or two people to talk to, but lots of people also have periods of loneliness, times when they feel that no-one quite understands them or a sense that no-one really cares. However, one sentence really stands out from the rest in your post -

And sometimes I think that it's my fault because I rarely/never open up to anybody, but then again no one else opens up to me either. There's no reason I should be the one to do it first, is there? So it must be the people I know as well.

While you're right, there's no reason why you should be the first one to open up, someone does have to be first, so there's also no reason why you shouldn't be the first one either. They may be thinking exactly the same as you - he doesn't open up, so why should I? It's not about "fault" though - it's just that thing that someone has to take the first step.

If you feel at the moment that none of the people around you are really true friends, then perhaps you have nothing to lose by attempting to get closer to them to see if there are deeper bonds to be made. It does take patience, and it might be that at first they don't open up to you, but generally people feel pride being confided in and if you have shared interests then doing something you both enjoy and then going for a coffee and a chat afterwards might be a start?

Anyway, as IWishIWas says, you can open up to people here - and we won't judge you.