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Still single at 24
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hello. This is my first post and here's my story.
I'm a 24 year old heterosexual male and I have never had a relationship or even been kissed:crying: . This has a lot to do with my incredible insecurity. The thing is, I can get on very well with people, in fact, I get on better with girls than I do with boys; I'm very open about what I like and dislike and never try to be someone I'm not. But getting to that stage is difficult. I find it a lot easier if someone else starts it. For example: about a month back someone asked me to come to a party up the local pub. Now this is a place I often go (I used to work there), so I know everybody there, but the night came and when I finished work, which was late, I got home and everyone had already left to go there, so I was left with the task of going alone. I couldn't do it. Yet if someone had been at home with whom I could go, I would have gone.
Many things have led to me being this way. In the past, I was bullied by a former friend. It wasn't severe, but I often broke down in tears. At school, I could often get away from him, but at Scouts he was a constant presence and as such I shed a lot of tears during these meetings. This was not the problem. The problem was that I was treated as the person causing the trouble; often I would get sent outside and only allowed back in when I stopped 'acting like a baby'. I now have these memories of crying alone and nobody caring about it.
Also I often got teased about my looks. I have a mild exzema all over my body and am very sensitive about the subject. Many of my peers commented on it, one going so far as to say that I would never get a girlfriend looking like that.
Many girls have also knowingly teased me. One asked me if I would like to go on a date with her. I, not naive enough to think she was being serious, asked, 'What if I said yes?' and she told me I was dumped. Another girl often made suggestive remarks to me, or touched my leg or something, obviously being completely false.
This all ended when I left school, but it has left its mark on me. I have had friends, but I don't go out with them. I have had four serious crushes since leaving school and have made a move on none, yet I have got on famously with each one.
It has got to the point where I am so frustrated that these irrational fears of exclusion and rejection are ruling my life, preventing me from moving forward:banghead:
I'm a 24 year old heterosexual male and I have never had a relationship or even been kissed:crying: . This has a lot to do with my incredible insecurity. The thing is, I can get on very well with people, in fact, I get on better with girls than I do with boys; I'm very open about what I like and dislike and never try to be someone I'm not. But getting to that stage is difficult. I find it a lot easier if someone else starts it. For example: about a month back someone asked me to come to a party up the local pub. Now this is a place I often go (I used to work there), so I know everybody there, but the night came and when I finished work, which was late, I got home and everyone had already left to go there, so I was left with the task of going alone. I couldn't do it. Yet if someone had been at home with whom I could go, I would have gone.
Many things have led to me being this way. In the past, I was bullied by a former friend. It wasn't severe, but I often broke down in tears. At school, I could often get away from him, but at Scouts he was a constant presence and as such I shed a lot of tears during these meetings. This was not the problem. The problem was that I was treated as the person causing the trouble; often I would get sent outside and only allowed back in when I stopped 'acting like a baby'. I now have these memories of crying alone and nobody caring about it.
Also I often got teased about my looks. I have a mild exzema all over my body and am very sensitive about the subject. Many of my peers commented on it, one going so far as to say that I would never get a girlfriend looking like that.
Many girls have also knowingly teased me. One asked me if I would like to go on a date with her. I, not naive enough to think she was being serious, asked, 'What if I said yes?' and she told me I was dumped. Another girl often made suggestive remarks to me, or touched my leg or something, obviously being completely false.
This all ended when I left school, but it has left its mark on me. I have had friends, but I don't go out with them. I have had four serious crushes since leaving school and have made a move on none, yet I have got on famously with each one.
It has got to the point where I am so frustrated that these irrational fears of exclusion and rejection are ruling my life, preventing me from moving forward:banghead:
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Comments
You have to be ble to show more than just a friendlier side, you have to be sexual. Girls wont see you as a sexual entituy unless you come across as one.
Be confident and cocky, works for me. Don't ask me how to hold on them though.
It depends what kind of girls you like. If you like chavs then being a dickhead will work to your advantage. If you like yas then being a dickhead will also work to your advantage.
But it sounds to me like you've been around the wrong girls. The ones you described don't sound like they were worth the time of day in a relationship.
But yes, confidence really is the key. Do you take any medication for you exzema? I have friends who suffered really badly for it and took the right creams and stuff and feel so much better about themselves.
You've got to remember that these bullies are worth jack shit. I was bullied a real fucking lot between the ages of 5 and 15 and then I just couldn't be arsed. After all, it's not my fault I was doing well at school! Bullies bully because they are insecure or because they're jealous. Keep that in mind. It says more about them than it does about you.
Keep these things in mind, love yourself that bit more, build on your confidence and you'll be with a lovely lass in no time! =]
I was bullied all through out my school life with name calling, fights, threats etc and it is not very nice at all. I also suffered at the hands of the teacher who was always picking on me.
What I think you need to do is try to build up your confidence and your self esteem slowly. Please read the site information it may have links that might help you to.
Try not to let these things worry you and hope all goes well?
It's quite easy to see what your problem is (confidence) but a lot harder to explain how to fix it.
I have bags of confidence on show, certainly more that I really have, and I'd like to think I manage that without appearing arrogant.
Everybody has insecurities (save for sociopaths), it's just that some people hide them better than others. As a kid I used to use violence to disguise it which made my life even harder, but as time has gone on I've leant to live behind a 'don't give a fuck' attitude - and I use that for all but my closet mates and girlfriends.
If somebody doesn't like you or treats you like shit their opinions not worth worring about anyway. If somebody a cunt to you why worry about what they say. Get rid.
You have to learn when to keep things in, and when learn to open up.
When people at work ask me to do something social with them it is always to go out clubbing, which I really cannot stand. When I have taken them up on this offer I have felt like an outsider. Sometimes literally, being outside of a circle of people.
With regards to girls, I tried my hardest to ask one out before. I knew exactly what I was going to say and how I was going to say it, but when the opportunity arose, I couldn't even open my mouth!:mad:
Who's 14?
Tr4shed. I think?
Eh? You are a database creator and you're 14? Anyway, your MySpace says you're 26, so there!
(P.s. I'm not a stalker. No, seriously, I'm not)
You're grooming tr4shed, you peado!
But maybe he / she is just very intelligent and understands databases lol.
I'm grooming a 26 year old! How sick is that???
They always start out 14, and then turn out to be a 45 year old bloke called Derek.
Nah! It's okay dude.
I don't know...that's quite a hot photo.
Could the moderators please remove the babble that appears after his posts please?
We're only having fun.
And the OP hasn't come back to this thread.
Also, we're not kids.
Well, why don't YOU put down something wise to say? Because the serious responses already stated are probably all that can be said.
When you have a conversation with people, do you NEVER find that the conversation is sometimes distracted by banter? Perhaps, if you feel a teen/young persons discussions board does not give you the satisfaction and seriousness you require, maybe its not for you.
Here, here!
:wave: derailing can be a problem but JRC has actually made another thread since about online dating which has lots of great replies so I think it's fine in this case.
Yup!
I don't think this thread would have derailed so far if we knew that the OP was being ignored or that his questions weren't being addressed. He hasn't come back to this thread because, as Helen says, he's busy getting great advice on other threads he's made.
Thanks Helen!
*Helen is my best friend today* :yippe:
To be honest, I was getting a little annoyed about people hijacking my thread, but really I'm not bothered about it as the original idea of me starting this, was just to tell my story. I wasn't really asking questions. Unlike the online dating thread, in which I really wanted advice.
So don't go taking over THAT one!;)
Ah, fair enough man - glad you said something.
If you found EVERY post you made was 'hijacked', then to get 'annoyed' would be understandable.
But to have just one example of a 'hijack' on any of your posts, about a subject that didn't really ask any questions anyway, seems a bit OTT to me. Chill! It was no big deal. Hijacks do happen from time to time, so save your 'annoyance' for those threads that really matter.
As I said, I'm not that bothered. Nothing more needed to be said, nothing needed to be said anyway. The annoyance was a slight emotion running around in the back of my head that I tried to ignore. It will happen with every thread that this happens to. It's an uncontrollable almost subconciously selfish emotion and I don't let it get me down.