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Hope?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
My friend picked up on something I said this week that made me think.
I've not been having much luck meeting anyone for a while and I've liked a couple of blokes recently and it's gone nowhere for one reason or another.
I told my friend that I don't really hope anymore because it feels too dangerous. Every time I've hoped for something to go right before, it goes wrong 99.9% of the time.
My self esteem isn't wonderful at the moment either; and if I get a fleeting moment of feeling good about myself, the smallest thing will knock me back to thinking that everyone else is better than me.
However; learning from stuff in the passed, I've been trying to make an effort not to let these low-selfesteem moments show because I know that's unattractive and have been battling the fact that my default setting seems to be that my love life is never going to work out.
But how do you let yourself hope again when everything always seems to go wrong, or there's a constant lack of things going your way?
I know I'm not unattractive. And I get plenty of attention from guys - it's just they always seem to be in a relationship or head over heels with someone else and just want a shag or live miiiiillllllles away. I never seem to be in the right place at the right time, or be the right girl for them. There's always someone else that gets there first.
I know having no hope is probably not the best way forward. But I didn't realise it was odd or anything until my friend picked up on it. I used to be depressed and over-came it by ignoring nevgative feelings and then replacing them with positive ones. But I didn't realise this one thing was still hanging about and dragging me down so much, because it's not so much a negative feeling as a lack of feeling. Or is it? I don't know.
My friend said maybe I need to read one of those relationship guide book thingies... but I'm not too keen on the idea cos I think they're all complet bollocks. But I'm sick to death of being stuck in this situation.
I don't really think there's a point to this post. Just need to let it out cos I'm crap about talking about 'feelings' and stuff to anyone face-to-face.
Has anyone else been in the same place of hopelessness and come out the other end?
I just feel like anything going right at the moment would be an absolute miracle. I think I'd faint if someone asked me out on an actual date. lol
I've got a lot on my plate at the moment, and a lot of crap going on in my life, so I'm probably just having a bit if a crisis. Two months ago I was absolutly perfectly happy being single. But now it just seems like another frustration. Maybe it's the time of year, I dunno.
I've not been having much luck meeting anyone for a while and I've liked a couple of blokes recently and it's gone nowhere for one reason or another.
I told my friend that I don't really hope anymore because it feels too dangerous. Every time I've hoped for something to go right before, it goes wrong 99.9% of the time.
My self esteem isn't wonderful at the moment either; and if I get a fleeting moment of feeling good about myself, the smallest thing will knock me back to thinking that everyone else is better than me.
However; learning from stuff in the passed, I've been trying to make an effort not to let these low-selfesteem moments show because I know that's unattractive and have been battling the fact that my default setting seems to be that my love life is never going to work out.
But how do you let yourself hope again when everything always seems to go wrong, or there's a constant lack of things going your way?
I know I'm not unattractive. And I get plenty of attention from guys - it's just they always seem to be in a relationship or head over heels with someone else and just want a shag or live miiiiillllllles away. I never seem to be in the right place at the right time, or be the right girl for them. There's always someone else that gets there first.
I know having no hope is probably not the best way forward. But I didn't realise it was odd or anything until my friend picked up on it. I used to be depressed and over-came it by ignoring nevgative feelings and then replacing them with positive ones. But I didn't realise this one thing was still hanging about and dragging me down so much, because it's not so much a negative feeling as a lack of feeling. Or is it? I don't know.
My friend said maybe I need to read one of those relationship guide book thingies... but I'm not too keen on the idea cos I think they're all complet bollocks. But I'm sick to death of being stuck in this situation.
I don't really think there's a point to this post. Just need to let it out cos I'm crap about talking about 'feelings' and stuff to anyone face-to-face.
Has anyone else been in the same place of hopelessness and come out the other end?
I just feel like anything going right at the moment would be an absolute miracle. I think I'd faint if someone asked me out on an actual date. lol
I've got a lot on my plate at the moment, and a lot of crap going on in my life, so I'm probably just having a bit if a crisis. Two months ago I was absolutly perfectly happy being single. But now it just seems like another frustration. Maybe it's the time of year, I dunno.
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Comments
But on the other hand you should rightly recognise that you are really attractive and that its just that you've had a bit of bad luck recently - there is definately a lovely boy out there for you somewhere!
I've been there and felt 'hope' less and to be honest, i think you can pull yourself out of feeling like this!
After becoming single over 18 months ago, I did the whole depressed thing, then began being happier, then moved on to the loss of hope that I would meet someone.
Yes, i'll be honest, I want someone to be with, I want to ask her how her day has been, hold hands, spoil her, go for a walk in the cold, then rush back in and warm up together
But i've got myself sorted, started doing more stuff, meeting up with old friends and just built my confidence back up and the hope is coming back.
I think the best thing you can do is concentrate on the stuff going on in your life, get that sorted and done, then you can concentrate on number 1!
Books are great for research and other bits and bobs, but they ultimately can't define who you are as a person and show you how to be.
Be yourself, concentrate on you for a while, go out with friends, meet new people, get involved with some new hobbies and you never know when your prince will arrive!
We've all been there lu. I went for about 4 years of singleness, I enjoyed it at first, but for the last year or so I felt pretty down about it.
Thought my life was going to be full of random pulls and flirting, but never a relationship. Felt kinda empty and had nearly given up hope.
But yeah, seriously don't go out looking for your true love, looking at every guy who's hot and thinking he's the one... a mistake I made! You can never be happy like that, just focus on your life and having a good time. Go out with your friends, travel e.t.c and you never know what might happen!
You know how gorgeous you are, it can't be long until the right guy turns up, just try not to think about it. Put yourself out there, but don't think about it too much. You know what I mean?
First thing is that you shouldn't let your friends ruin your singleness if it's something that you're enjoying.
Second (and I know this advice is shit but it seems to work) is not to go looking. My best friend and I used to go out together all the time. We were both single but guys would only ever want to chat so they could get to know her or they just wanted a shag. But I wasn't there just to sleep with someone. I actually wanted to meet someone. So I was always there on the sidelines to fetch the drinks while she chatted, laughed, swapped numbers, went home with them/arranged a date. For the record, I've never been on a date in my life. Wow...that sounds great.
But. After all of this I decided that I couldn't fucked and that I was just going to enjoy the fact that I was single. That was when I met my current boyfriend. Sure, he'd been one of her pulls from a few nights ago but she said he was just a pull ( a lie that lead to further complications but nevermind) so I was free to get to know him and we're very happy and in love two and a half years down the line.
So.
Enjoy your singleness while it's there. If you're out and enjoying yourself and having a good time, this will work wonders for your self-esteem because it makes you seem confident. Your confidence will only add to your hottness and fingers crossed you'll meet a guy who wants you, and only you.
It's maybe not the best advice but it definitely worked for me. =]