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sex with a new partner...

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
Me and my previous partner used to get up to some pretty....freaky shit in the bedroom before he took so much speed he couldn't get it up and got so stoned he no longer cared...

anyway, i've found this lovely guy (who is currently really ill, so its phone contact only to avoid projectile vomitting! and we're only on second date territory but he did say on the first that he wanted to get to know me better before we slept together, so i'm guessing that means that he's not only thought about it, but actually wants to do it)...but i don't have a clue what his sexual tastes are, and i'm kinda thinking i need to keep it pretty vanilla in order not to (potencially) freak him out, but at the same time i don't want him to think i'm crap, because i know i'm not...;)

So, what are kind of the boundaries, or should i just take it as it comes, and just get the whips and chain out if he either finds them or is interested...?

i think i need to find a guide book someone pointed out once called: how to have it vanilla once you've tried rum and raisin or something along those lines...

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think it always makes more sense just to go with the flow - once you've played around a bit you can get to know what kind of things/moods he likes and doesn't like.
    Also, it's always good just to ask. Quiet pillow talk about what turns each other on can be sexy, plus it's a useful way of people ideas into each other's heads!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i certainly wouldnt be getting any whips and chains out until further on down the line.

    It sounds to me that he wants to take things slowly, so i think you need to hold your horses a bit. Hes mentioned the S word but that doesnt mean you need to get mentally carried away. He may well not be into any of the freaky stuff you have done before - how would that make you feel?
    Also being good in bed doesnt mean being into loads of things like that.
    If there is sexual chemistry between the two of you, then it will be good, with or without all that stuff, in fact that might even be a hindrance while youre still getting to know each other.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    theres most definately sexual chemistry! We were almost ripping each others clothes off on the first date!

    This might sound silly, but i kinda think that he feels a bit deeper about me than he has with other girls, and maybe thats why he wants to take it slowly...

    i don't know...but maybe...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think it is cool that he wants to take it slowly it means he cares.

    Just take things slowly and let the whole thing flow.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    becks27 wrote: »
    I think it is cool that he wants to take it slowly it means he cares.

    Just take things slowly and let the whole thing flow.

    Yup! If there's so much sexual chemistry then it'll definitely be worth the wait :yes:
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    **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    twisted_trinity wrote: »

    So, what are kind of the boundaries, or should i just take it as it comes,

    Lots of good advice on this already, but you might find the tips in TheSite's article on sex with a new partner useful. :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    **Helen** wrote: »
    Lots of good advice on this already, but you might find the tips in TheSite's article on sex with a new partner useful. :)

    Helen, you are so amazing! You're the answer to everything!
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    JsTJsT Posts: 18,268 Skive's The Limit
    IWishIWas wrote: »
    Helen, you are so amazing! You're the answer to everything!
    She is a goddess.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    gawd, you make about a thousand threads a week. DO.A.SEARCH :p

    listen to the mod!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    who says i am not allowed to make a new thread everyday? And what happens if i have done a search and not found it helpful? its not general advice i'm looking for, i was wanting anecdotal. thats what i tend to find most helpful...

    84 posts since 2004 is kinda pathetic :p

    (but thank you for pointing that article out helen!)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    twisted_trinity wrote: »
    who says i am not allowed to make a new thread everyday? And what happens if i have done a search and not found it helpful? its not general advice i'm looking for, i was wanting anecdotal. thats what i tend to find most helpful...

    I was joking love :p
    84 posts since 2004 is kinda pathetic :p
    Ha, ok.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't know if this approach would work for everyone, but this is what I do. Whenever I'm with a new woman, I treat the occasion as if it was my first time having sex. Not literally, but in terms of attitude. I go into it making no assumptions about what that person does or doesn't like - everyone's different, after all. It's possible that what you consider entirely normal during sex might creep him out. So gently introduce him to what you like in the bedroom, and he may do the same for you!
    blah blah blah wrote: »
    gawd, you (Twisted Trinity) make about a thousand threads a week... :p
    True, but someone has to do it. :p
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I am sure I wont be alone in wanting to know what the 'freaky shit' you got up to was! And also did you enjoy the 'freaky shit' and if so is it something you will need in your sex life with your new partner?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i did enjoy the act but not the fact it was with him....and some of it is stuff i wouldn't mind doing with him, if any of it pans out!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    To be honest if you really like the bloke i'd be tempted to keep it simple vanilla sex until you know each other better and know what each other likes. If a bloke started on about chains/whipping etc on the first time of sleeping together it would probably make me think twice about the whole thing to be honest. Further down the line it's fun to introduce stuff just to gauge boundaries but full on straight away could scare the living shit out of some people ;)
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