what should i do?

Former Member

heya everyone.

i am new here.

i have been with my girlfriend for 8 months now and need some advice.

when we first met my girlfriend was a non-smoker but i knew that she had once smoked but had now quit. anyway i dont smoke and dont find it appealing at all but i know ocasionaly my gf has ha a smoke. about a month back she went to the toilet and was ages, she also went out the pub to see some friends and got offered a cigarette. i automaticaly smet it and wasnt happy as i felt she had gone behind my back and she wasnt sober as it was a family party. anyway we fell out abit and she said she wouldnt do it again as she knew it was trust.

anyway we are both at uni and have different rooms but when she comes home from work or pops round to hers and then comes over to mine i am sure i can smell her breath smoky. she also ocasionally has chewed gum to maybe take away the smell.
i maybe going over the top but its not so much the fact she could be smoking its the fact she could be doing it behind my back. im woried about asking her because she could accuse me of not trusting her.

any advice would be much appreciated.

thanks

Former Member

I'm sorry, but it's her decision. You can tell her how you feel about it but not much else.

I've been with my bf two and a half years now. I knew from the start that he smoked but I loved him too much to turn away because of his habits. I hate smoking. I think it's the most disgusting foul smelling thing in the world. It also killed three of my relatives. My bf knows this, but it's not enough to stop him doing it. Sure, it hurts because I'd do anything for him if I knew that he hated it. But it's an addiction, and there's nothing I can do.
In all fairness, he's stopped smoking cigarettes and smokes rollies instead, which smell much more tolerable. That, and he smokes away from me (in the flat corridor instead of in my room).
If your girlfriend wants to smoke, she'll smoke but she's going to have to accept the fact that it means you won't kiss her because she smells/tastes gross!

Former Member

i think really its up to her if she wants to smoke. If you dont want to go out with a smoker and shes not willing to stop, then you have to decide whether its enough reason to break it off with her, but i really think the way youre going about it is just gonna push her away and make her lie to you. Youre being very parental

Indrid Cold

The OP said:

i maybe going over the top but its not so much the fact she could be smoking its the fact she could be doing it behind my back. im woried about asking her because she could accuse me of not trusting her.

Former Member

well you dont, because shes blatantly smoking

Former Member

Only solution to solve your problem IMO - Tell her how much you hate smoking etc.. Explain that you love her regardless (if thats true) then say you would rather her smoke and be up-front about in than smoke behind your back because you feel like you're being deceived.

Then if she carries on smoking and hiding it from you I say you'd have a bit more reason to be annoyed.

Former Member

It's up to her if she wants to smoke, that's the bottom line.

However, if she promised to quit for your sake and it' pretty clear that she's pulling your leg, you've got some right to be upset.
IF she doesn;'t change her ways, and she keeps fobbing you off or start accusing you of thinking this/thaot/etc, you aught to have a serious think about this realationship, however exteme this might seem.

Chances are, this won't be the last time this sort of thing arises...

Former Member

As the other replies have stated, it's up to her whether she smokes or not, but I do understand your dilemma.

I would suggest that you talk to her, and tell her that you know she is still smoking and that you would rather she gave up but, if she doesn't, at least she should acknowledge that she is smoking from time to time, even if its not directly in front of you.

I would say that this is no reason to break up with her .. but you will push her away if you keep on badgering her about it. And once its easy for her to lie about one thing, its easy to lie about something else - so 'truthfulness' is what you require in a relationship.

Also, I have gone out with smokers and while I don't like being in a room full of smokers, it doesn't bother me too much if my other half has smelt of fags ... as long as they are clean and the cigarette smoke is 'fresh'.

The smell of ciggie smoke on a dirty body is vile ...

Former Member

yeah I dont smoke but my boyfriend does, but i just accept it. He doesnt smoke in the house though

Former Member

As others have said obviously its her choice, but whats obviously more of an issue is her lying about it. If she's happy to lie to you about smoking, what else does she justify hiding from you?

I could go out with a smoker (though its not pleasant) - not sure I could go out with a liar. I think from what you've said there is a reason to be suspicious - smoke smell is pretty distinctive - but then if you ask her you've got to put it on hope that she'll be honest. She could just turn it round and say it's all in your head even if she is lying about it.