Help me! I need to fancy him again!

Former Member

Hi boarders...


Let me introduce myself. My name is Mich and I am 36. I am a bit new to this, so please bear with me...

I have a problem. I appear to have stopped fancying my husband. We have been together for 8 years now, I was married at 30. Our sex life has always left a little to be desired, but recently I am finding it hard to enjoy myself at all, as I simply don't fancy him. My attracted to other has never waned...in fact, it has got pretty unbearable. I keep eye-ing up business men on the tube....

Does anyone have any tips on how to rekindle the spark in a relationship? Have you experienced something similar? We get on pretty well you see, but the strain on the sex has made the whole relationship difficult.

Sometimes it just helps to know you're not the only one in a situation...



Love Mich.x

Former Member

i think that means its over

Neither of you deserve to settle for that

Former Member

SuzyCreamcheese wrote: »

i think that means its over

:yes:

Former Member

It's not over! you both still like each other as people right?

Remind yourself of things you enjoyed doing together, go back to your first holiday destination, go start something together that you can both have fun with (dance classes are cliché but perfect) and you might feel that spark come back - 8 years is a while to be married to someone and you have both probably changed a bit!

Also you could try counselling - it does not sound like your relationship is *in trouble* and it helps to replenish how much you love each other

Former Member

SnuggleBubbles wrote: »

It's not over! you both still like each other as people right?

Remind yourself of things you enjoyed doing together, go back to your first holiday destination, go start something together that you can both have fun with (dance classes are cliché but perfect) and you might feel that spark come back - 8 years is a while to be married to someone and you have both probably changed a bit!

Also you could try counselling - it does not sound like your relationship is *in trouble* and it helps to replenish how much you love each other

:yes:

I wouldn't say that just because you're having trouble sexually relating to someone the marriage is over, especially if you still get on. But it's a big part of marriage and the sooner you see someone to help the more likely you are to be able to do something about it.

Former Member

Thanks folks...


Dance classes are really tempting actually. I've always stayed away from conselling, as friends of mine say that sometimes it highlights tiny problems that really don't need to be highlighted.

Maybe a professional point of view would be helpful....

Hmmm

Former Member

when it comes to the stage its already at, how can it hurt?

relationship counselling wont make you stay together if its really over, but it can still be helpful. You can even go alone

Former Member

Have you spoke to him about how you are feeling?

Former Member

I agree with the idea that relationship counselling can pick out minor problems. It is good to talk about problems, but especially if you two are feeling a little unsure about how right for eachother you are it might start giving you ideas and doubts. Before you try counselling start building up your relationship, strengthening it by making memories together. Definitely do the dance class thing if you're tempted! Go on holiday, talk a lot, make eachother feel good about eachother.

About the sex, you probably know the situations in which you find your husband attractive. Is it when he's taking charge, map reading you on a walk in the mountains, leading a group, saying something intelligent, doing some DIY or is it when he's playing with kids, giving you all the attention, showing his sensitive side or cooking maybe. Whatever it is, MAKE IT HAPPEN! But dont become obsessed with making the sex great straight away.

Talking and talking a bit more is the best cure for relationship difficulties and the best way to learn about eachother and make things better in the bedroom! (actually maybe, get out of the bedroom?)

I hope everything works out for the best!

Former Member

Why don't you fancy him anymore? And what was the reason you fancied him in the first place?

Former Member

Hmm you see hubby as the boring and predictable man right but you've gotta change how you view him but the thing is you can't change him without first talking with him about how stale your marriage has become. Yes that might be boring idea I mean he should just know what missing right? :yeees: Sadly none of us our mind readers so open up to him, he might be disliking how things have become as well but doesn't know how to tell you or he might be blissfully ignorant!

If you leave things as they are you'll end up cheating me thinks. You'll become close with bloke at work or some random stranger, unload all your problem on him, he'll be more than willing to listen and meet up with you. It'll get onto the topic of sex and you not being satisfied in the bedroom and whatcha know he's willing to help you out in that department too! Wang, bang thank you ma'am

I reckon talk with hubby and come up with some role playing ideas. It's clear he's not going to make the first move so you take control of the bedroom set-up and see if that brings out any sparks for you. Keeping the relationship exciting is hard work but it's a two way thing you've both gotta want it. The romance may be lacking but tell hubby what's missing from your point of view and at least give him the chance to try and fix it.:)