Argh help, met a girl but.. but... argh

Former Member

Basically.

Got back uni two weeks ago, went out on the thurs after to a party, met this girl chatted to her for ages, walked her back to her bus stop then walked home, I asked her to text me when she got home safe (sly way of giving her my num) and anyway we've pretty much talked every day since.

What do I do? She just invited me to her birthday party too and I'm all bewildered and stuff because I like her and I think she likes me too but I still am hung up over my ex who I still see regularly (but not like that) and life is too complicated. And my ex would be hurt if I went out with someone else. I mean not that she's controlling my life lol it's that I care deeply about her and really still love her a lot, and the feeling is two way, and despite us not being together the feelings are still there, and I don't know.

I'm not really making a compelling case.

Thing is, this girl I'm talking to is pretty cool, she's not normally the kind of girl I'd be attracted to but her personality has knocked me for six she has the same kind of positive outlook on things (as I like to try to have) and my ex as much as I loved her drove me up the wall with this anxious, perpetually self doubting thing. But I think thats more because she had extremely low self esteem after the guy she cheated on me with reallly fucked with her head and threatened to kill himself and stuff and yea she needed counselling after that. Guess it's like poetic justice in a way but nobody deserves to get emotionally blackmailed like that.

But yea this girl and me have been talking and I knew I could ask her on a date at any point and she would 90% say yes (not trying to be arrogant but you know ) but I didn't obviously because I can't decide what to do about her and my ex and life in general, but then she asked me to her birthday party! I mean I know it's not that big a thing but its obvious there's a lot of chemistry and things are manageable at the minute us just texting and msn and such even if thats sad how do i deal with seeing her agains. :eek:

I feel like I'm a lovecheat even if I'm single because I like two girls and it seems like two girls like me and that would be great if it wasnt so complicatd and the girl I first liked didnt have trust issues now but she does but... I think I'm going to go explode now :grump:

Former Member

Know I should provide a balanced, thoughtful reply here man but...

She sounds cool, go to the party.

Former Member

Jim V wrote: »

Know I should provide a balanced, thoughtful reply here man but...

She sounds cool, go to the party.

Agreed.

Former Member

Go to the party.

Corporal G said so!

Former Member

Getting back with an ex is USUALLY not a good thing. The same issues arise that caused the split the first time.

I, therefore, also order you to go to the party - in my capacity of Field Marshall, of course.

Former Member

Exes are usually exes for a reason. Go to the party.

Former Member

:yes: Got to agree with all the others, you know you'll be kicking yourself if you don't go and wondering "what if".

Former Member

If you don't go to this party then why would you ever go to any other party in the future? You'd be a fool not to go, really. Otherwise the situation with you and your ex will just stay the same and you won't move onwards.

Former Member

I won't know anybody else at the party lol

Former Member

That doesn't matter you just need to go to it i'm sure you will have fun and maybe make some new friends.....

Former Member

You are letting your ex run your life as is. By meeting her so much and admitting that she would get hurt if you date somebody else it's pretty obvious that she is holding you back.

For that reason I'm not sure it's such a clever thing for you to do to keep the other girl's hopes up because it sounds like if you did try to take things further with her your ex would complicate whatever would happen. She doesn't really deserve that (the new girl).

But like I said, I think your ex is holding your back loads because this girl sounds cool. I don't necessarily think if you were to do something that you should go to the party but a date would probably be more suitable.

Former Member

piccolo wrote: »

Exes are usually exes for a reason. Go to the party.

:yes: go to the party cinders

Former Member

go go go go! your ex's trust issues are her problems, you can be her friend, but it shouldnt stop you going out with a great girl... even if its not going to go any further, your ex will find someone someday. won't she.

Former Member

By going you are doing nothing out of the ordinary, its just a party. You arent jumping into bed with this woman. Go and see how you feel, if getting close to her is too soon after your ex you will soon know.

Former Member

ShyBoy wrote: »

I won't know anybody else at the party lol

All the more excuse to hang around with her all night then.

Former Member

Couldn't you take a couple of friends with you to the party? That way you have some backup, but they can piss off if/when you hang out with her!

Former Member

wooooooooah wrote: »

Couldn't you take a couple of friends with you to the party? That way you have some backup, but they can piss off if/when you hang out with her!

Its an S&M fetish party. His friends may not wanna go ... :impissed:

Skive

ShyBoy wrote: »

I won't know anybody else at the party lol

Best type of party. Get pissed, don't get trashed and me lots of new intresting people.

**helen**

Skive wrote: »

Best type of party. Get pissed, don't get trashed and me lots of new intresting people.

Couldn't agree more. This could be a turning point for you shyboy.

Former Member

ShyBoy wrote: »

I feel like I'm a lovecheat even if I'm single because I like two girls and it seems like two girls like me and that would be great if it wasnt so complicatd and the girl I first liked didnt have trust issues now but she does but... I think I'm going to go explode now :grump:

Don't most people have overlaps like this anyway? So long as the relationships themselves overlap you don't have a moral dilemma.

Sounds like the opposite anyway: the new girl will be a healthy distraction.

Parties where you don't know anyone are great because it gives you an excuse to talk to everyone. Just watch how much you drink and don't make a cock of yourself.

Dancing on tables is highly encouraged though.

Former Member

Go to the party. it may upset your ex slightly but its kind of a way of telling her your moving on and in turn your letting her move on. dont get hung up on the past. the reasons your not with your ex now are probably reasons why you will break up again if you get back together. and yh drink enough to be chatty but stop as soon as you hit 'chatty'. top up when needed but getting wasted with loads of people you dont know is not the best first impression :)have a great time your not jumping into bed with her so dont feel guilty. even if that does happen still dont feel guilty you would of done nothing wrong.:thumb:

Former Member

Yea I probably will go to the party although I'm not as keen on the girl as I was. Well, she's still great, but I think she's really cool and when she was just sending me some flirty messages when I was joking around it was cool but then she was a bit less jokey and it was a bit odd! Not that I don't think she's attractive so it's just a big contradiction! Obviously I'm worrying about problems that aren't even there but despite me liking her like because she's a really nice and easy to get along with its a bit weird when she said the other day that she felt like we'd known each other for so much longer than 6 days (I hadn't even remembered it was 6 days!).

This year on the whole is much better for me anyway, lots of things going on - but it's nice to have some kind of 'romance' (as in, the potential of as apposed to just being friends with everyone) in my life even if I'm not sure how I feel about it.

Former Member

*Gives SB a big fat cuddle*...just cos I want to!

Former Member

Go for it mate :-)

Never know who else will be at the party... always happens when your head is turned the other way.

Former Member

I've been in a similar situation this year. Back around March, I met someone who I immediately took a liking to. I shall refer to her as K. Unfortunately at the time, she had a boyfriend so I steered well clear. As the summer approached, she started talking to me more and more. I was under the impression that she still had a boyfriend, but I never asked about that subject. In July, one of her mates comes up to me and tells me that K had feelings for me. I was gobsmacked frankly - I thought she was taking the piss, but when I checked it out, it was true. I admitted I'd felt the same way for months about her and we started from there.

A few weeks later, I was asked to go to her birthday party. I turned down the invitation. Why? Because I consider myself to be absolutely useless at social occasions and thought I'd just get in the way. She thought my reasoning was bonkers, and I couldn't agree more. Predictably enough, I regretted the decision immediately but was too damn stubborn to change my mind. Don't make the same mistake.

Former Member

Curvy_lass wrote: »

*Gives SB a big fat cuddle*...just cos I want to!

*hugs back* thanks hun

Former Member

I'm a bit late on the bandwagon here but go to the party, why miss out on some fun because of your ex. I know from reading some of your posts on here that you have really stong feelings for her and your past together is a little messy but please don't put your life on hold for her.

My grandma used to tell me that its better to regret something you have done than regret that you didn't do anything at all. After all you never know this could be the woman that you share amazing experiences with, or just someone that was nice to know either way if you don't give it a chance then it will just be another what if moment in years to come.

Enjoy xx xx

Former Member

ShyBoy wrote: »

its a bit weird when she said the other day that she felt like we'd known each other for so much longer than 6 days (I hadn't even remembered it was 6 days!).

Don't let this freak you out, its a girl thing.