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Confused about my sex life.advise, opinions,anything!
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hey all, i'm new to the site, and i thought this place would be *perfect* place to get some insight into my situation. I'll try and make it as clear as possible, but if anyone is confused when i HOPEFULLY get some advice, i'll be happy to clarify anything.
Right, well, im 20 years old, and had a really freaky set of months recently.
I broke up with a boyfreind in the summer- it was mutual and stuff, and he was the first guy i had sex with, i don't really mind that we broke up, i didn't have feelings for him and it was a LDR and just wasn't working. As a person i find it difficult to get into intimate relationships, sexual intimacy never really scared me, but actual feelings like love, always have. I have rules when it comes to physical affection, ie i don't kiss guys often, for example the boyfreind from the summer, i stopped kissing him 2months into the relationship, even during sex, i wouldn't kiss him as i feel kissing is such an intimate thing, even more so than sex, and i just didnt feel the same way about him- he was just....i dont know, someone who i would have sex wit- i think he understood, although since he was the strong and silent type i can't really gurantee that he knew the deal :eek2:
Anyway, moving on from that, in september, a male friend who i thought was a platonic freind admits to being in love with me and whatever, i think to myself, initially shittt no way, ewww i cant do this i just am NOT attracted to him in anyway whatsoever, and there were elements of his personailty which were very annoying. So yeah, one day, sitting in his car, he's in tears over something pretty major that had happened with him ( he was potentially facing a jail sentence) out of no where he starts kissing me, i stop this straight away, but his hands still wander- cut a long story short, we ended up having 'sex' - erm, he got inside for about 15seconds, i was consentual but then my brain sort of kicked in (lol) and i pushed him off, and flipped at him. The guy confesses that it was his first time ( he had been erm, saving himself for a girl he loved, yadda yadda) and i totally freak out, the bastard tries it on again, but i manage to leave the car.
I was pretty horrified by what had happened, but i just pulled myself together..and i admit i went home and cried about it. coz i know with my previous bf, i was just sleeping with him, but there was history and attraction. this guy- no attraction and no 'romantic' or dating history.
Around this time, someone i knew from my high school days, their brother had passed away...and i had bumped into the cousin of the deceased who i found rather hot lol via FB ( i had said hi to him once when i was like 15 or something, and just forgot about him) turns out the feeling was mutual, and we swapped numbers. hotness aside, phone convos revealed that we had a very good understanding of each other and were so damn similar when it came to attitudes on life, sex, and trust etc. He lives away from london, and was due to come down, and did, for a week to see family.
He asked me would i like to hang out, for a day, and we could just sit and jam...drink maybe, have 'fun' maybe. I agreed, we met, and ended up having sex. now prior to this, in a conversation, we dicussed how we arent the type to kiss easily, or at all ( he's had a lot of sexual partners, but only ever kissed 2 of them,one is his ex wife, and another his first crush or something) and how we hardly ever feel the need to cuddle etc after sex, its usually the case of, finish, shower, cig, conversation and more sex, in that order :rolleyes: . we ended up in the shower, and somehow ended up kissing. :eek2: :eek2: :eek2: :eek2:
........... during the kissing, i told him that this wasn't something we do, and he replied
'you must be really beutiful for me to be kissing you'
no, it didnt make me go weak at the knees, but was interesting to hear.
we were doing things in the shower like scrubbing each other down, making jokes, taking the mick out of each other, and singing- yes singing!
dried off and back into bed, we ended up cuddling and watching tv and i was rubbing his shoulders. at about the same time, we blurted out
'i dont do this' and looked at each other, and then turned back to the tv, i guess to cover up that moment, it wasnt even awkward tbh, we ended up having sex again. as i was preparing to leave, a couple of hours later, we were talking about how funny it was and how he fancied me from my pictures etc, and commented on how im rather direct with what i want. i replied, and he laughed ' we're perfect for each other, we've met each others match' ( i think he meant this in terms of how we are sexually, and the whole we dont do strings attached 100% of the time )
he waited outside with me, for my cab, i told him not to, coz it was cold, he said that he didnt want any tom dick and harry to come and try and chat me up....later on in the cab, i asked him if i smelt of 'man and fags' and he started gently sniffing my neck, and nuzzling it :eek2: nd brought his face onto mine, i pressed my lips against his :eek2:
and i said that we wouldnt be kissing again, no more rule breaking, he smirked and said 'you wanna bet'
oh deary...i got home, he rang, i missed his call. the last time i heard from him in terms of a phonecall was on monday night- he sounded slightly put out by the fact that my ex had tried 2 arrange 2 meet me on my FB page; i could just hear it in his voice. since then iv just had the few emails saying hey and asking how i am, and then from tuesday-nothing.
i really don't know what to make of this situation...i mean yah i like him, and i could potentially have feelings for him since he is totaly on my level, but i have a strong grip on my emotions and will not fall. tbh, im slightly wary of how to interpret his actions coz i know he is a bit of a player ie he doesnt get into relationships easy or at all, minus exception of ex wife. im exactly the same, and his non contact is what i would do if i was in his shoes and felt something. before we met up we would text during the day, and he would ring me at night, and literally for about 2hours every night we would be in stitches from laughing so much, and in awe that we understood each other so well. i remember the day after we first spoke he rang me and talked to me about his cousin who had died, and how messed up he felt, and said something like 'its weird you understand me perfectly, you are exactly like me' ( we both have a soft side, and want to be angels but we have that very naughty side which drives other people nuts lool )
should i bother trying to contact him? should i just let it be and not bother with him again? i just dont know what to do.
im so sorry for rambling....but any opinions? advice? ANYTHING?
( ok iv just realised my title is a bit off topic, sorry! )
Muchos gracias x
Right, well, im 20 years old, and had a really freaky set of months recently.
I broke up with a boyfreind in the summer- it was mutual and stuff, and he was the first guy i had sex with, i don't really mind that we broke up, i didn't have feelings for him and it was a LDR and just wasn't working. As a person i find it difficult to get into intimate relationships, sexual intimacy never really scared me, but actual feelings like love, always have. I have rules when it comes to physical affection, ie i don't kiss guys often, for example the boyfreind from the summer, i stopped kissing him 2months into the relationship, even during sex, i wouldn't kiss him as i feel kissing is such an intimate thing, even more so than sex, and i just didnt feel the same way about him- he was just....i dont know, someone who i would have sex wit- i think he understood, although since he was the strong and silent type i can't really gurantee that he knew the deal :eek2:
Anyway, moving on from that, in september, a male friend who i thought was a platonic freind admits to being in love with me and whatever, i think to myself, initially shittt no way, ewww i cant do this i just am NOT attracted to him in anyway whatsoever, and there were elements of his personailty which were very annoying. So yeah, one day, sitting in his car, he's in tears over something pretty major that had happened with him ( he was potentially facing a jail sentence) out of no where he starts kissing me, i stop this straight away, but his hands still wander- cut a long story short, we ended up having 'sex' - erm, he got inside for about 15seconds, i was consentual but then my brain sort of kicked in (lol) and i pushed him off, and flipped at him. The guy confesses that it was his first time ( he had been erm, saving himself for a girl he loved, yadda yadda) and i totally freak out, the bastard tries it on again, but i manage to leave the car.
I was pretty horrified by what had happened, but i just pulled myself together..and i admit i went home and cried about it. coz i know with my previous bf, i was just sleeping with him, but there was history and attraction. this guy- no attraction and no 'romantic' or dating history.
Around this time, someone i knew from my high school days, their brother had passed away...and i had bumped into the cousin of the deceased who i found rather hot lol via FB ( i had said hi to him once when i was like 15 or something, and just forgot about him) turns out the feeling was mutual, and we swapped numbers. hotness aside, phone convos revealed that we had a very good understanding of each other and were so damn similar when it came to attitudes on life, sex, and trust etc. He lives away from london, and was due to come down, and did, for a week to see family.
He asked me would i like to hang out, for a day, and we could just sit and jam...drink maybe, have 'fun' maybe. I agreed, we met, and ended up having sex. now prior to this, in a conversation, we dicussed how we arent the type to kiss easily, or at all ( he's had a lot of sexual partners, but only ever kissed 2 of them,one is his ex wife, and another his first crush or something) and how we hardly ever feel the need to cuddle etc after sex, its usually the case of, finish, shower, cig, conversation and more sex, in that order :rolleyes: . we ended up in the shower, and somehow ended up kissing. :eek2: :eek2: :eek2: :eek2:
........... during the kissing, i told him that this wasn't something we do, and he replied
'you must be really beutiful for me to be kissing you'
no, it didnt make me go weak at the knees, but was interesting to hear.
we were doing things in the shower like scrubbing each other down, making jokes, taking the mick out of each other, and singing- yes singing!
dried off and back into bed, we ended up cuddling and watching tv and i was rubbing his shoulders. at about the same time, we blurted out
'i dont do this' and looked at each other, and then turned back to the tv, i guess to cover up that moment, it wasnt even awkward tbh, we ended up having sex again. as i was preparing to leave, a couple of hours later, we were talking about how funny it was and how he fancied me from my pictures etc, and commented on how im rather direct with what i want. i replied, and he laughed ' we're perfect for each other, we've met each others match' ( i think he meant this in terms of how we are sexually, and the whole we dont do strings attached 100% of the time )
he waited outside with me, for my cab, i told him not to, coz it was cold, he said that he didnt want any tom dick and harry to come and try and chat me up....later on in the cab, i asked him if i smelt of 'man and fags' and he started gently sniffing my neck, and nuzzling it :eek2: nd brought his face onto mine, i pressed my lips against his :eek2:
and i said that we wouldnt be kissing again, no more rule breaking, he smirked and said 'you wanna bet'oh deary...i got home, he rang, i missed his call. the last time i heard from him in terms of a phonecall was on monday night- he sounded slightly put out by the fact that my ex had tried 2 arrange 2 meet me on my FB page; i could just hear it in his voice. since then iv just had the few emails saying hey and asking how i am, and then from tuesday-nothing.
i really don't know what to make of this situation...i mean yah i like him, and i could potentially have feelings for him since he is totaly on my level, but i have a strong grip on my emotions and will not fall. tbh, im slightly wary of how to interpret his actions coz i know he is a bit of a player ie he doesnt get into relationships easy or at all, minus exception of ex wife. im exactly the same, and his non contact is what i would do if i was in his shoes and felt something. before we met up we would text during the day, and he would ring me at night, and literally for about 2hours every night we would be in stitches from laughing so much, and in awe that we understood each other so well. i remember the day after we first spoke he rang me and talked to me about his cousin who had died, and how messed up he felt, and said something like 'its weird you understand me perfectly, you are exactly like me' ( we both have a soft side, and want to be angels but we have that very naughty side which drives other people nuts lool )
should i bother trying to contact him? should i just let it be and not bother with him again? i just dont know what to do.
im so sorry for rambling....but any opinions? advice? ANYTHING?
( ok iv just realised my title is a bit off topic, sorry! )
Muchos gracias x
0
Comments
*starts reading*
I dunno what exactly you're asking. Why do you need help in that matter? Do you really want to base your decision on how many people say stick with it or don't? Do what feels right. If you like him, go for it. I have to admit I just skimmed over the last paragraphs, but when there are no downsides what's holding you back?
I mean i dont get your kissing phylosiphy but the close'ness and touchy feely cuddly'ness i get.
2bf when this happened to me Im the one who got hurt, Not implying this guy is the same as the guy who did it to me but... he was after one thing and he got it.
I mean im not a big talker so we never discussed much but, i new what he was like before anything happened and i new he wasnt a very lovey dovey guy but when i was with him it was totally different and it shocked me.
but after all was done and dusted that was it...
until a few months later in which he pretty much clarified my suspisions with a nice " what u doing tonight? coming back to mine yea?"
I dont no maybe the FB comment from your ex upset him but if u didnt ask about it and explained (if its how u felt) that it was nothing, he might have thought you wernt interested?
Be prepared for him not to be into you. People will do weird things to get others to do what they want. ie: making you feel special with all the "rule breaking", ya see?
When you dig a guy, dontcha always wanna call him? be with him? etc? hell's ya. Well, its pretty much the same thing for men.
I would advise being quiet, lay low and let him come to you. If he does, awesome! if not, screw him (not literally!) and find yourself a fabulous young man to rock your world!
Best of Luck, Buttercup!
BBK
i think you shud txt him 2 cum n c u n u both sit down n u tell him how u feel n then he tells u how u feel simple as that cus i think ur actually in love iv been in love b4 and the symptons i had uv got :yes:
Hey, welcome to TheSite :wave:
Just to say it's best if you can write posts out in full rather than using text speak as it makes it easier for everyone to understand.
Happy posting :thumb: