feel left out!

Former Member

heyy. this is my kinda confusing story,

i used to have 3 bestmates,
one ive known since primary school and im still mates with, she can be called Gemma
the other two, charlee and charlotte. we had rows all the time, and they always fell out with me
and was always my fault, a few months ago weve stopped bieng mates
which im happy about but i really do hate them!

but i started hanging out with my other best mate (the one since primary)
and another girl, lets call her Abby.
and at first it was really fun we could all just be ourselves. which is what i loved most about them,
but now Abby is changing. she always has to have everything about her!
and i cant tell her how i feel cause i know she will turn it into an argument and i hate that because i went through it all with my ex-best mates!

but shes fallen out with me twice oover such pathetic things, which really does annoy me and then she choses when to make up with me! and now we hang out with two guys one who my best mate had liked for aaages. and now he likes her too but now i just feel sooo left out. its always Gemma Abby and then the guys. and now Abby is hanging out with my ex-mates which has annoyed me because they all used to hate eachother aswell. i dont trust Abby because i know shes told them things about me. and im just soo confused,

i hate livin my life like this because i dont history to repeat itself.
ive considered many times to just end my life, which i know is incredibly stupid. but im in year11 at school and i cant move. but my mum dosent understand and she dosent really give much support.

advice would be much appreciated.
thankyouu in advance

Former Member

Hiya Lauren :wave:

That does sound like a pretty confusing and frustrating situation to be in, and I can kind of understand as I had similar problems with my friends in school. There were a lot of fall-outs, people taking sides with each other, a lot of talking behind each others' backs and it is horrible to be caught in the middle of it all (as I often was).

The thing is, at year 11 you're coming up to what could be quite a big change in your life and no-one says you have to stay friends with the same people forever. Do you know what you're going to do after year 11 - college? Sixth form? I found that after I finished year 11, my group of friends changed drastically as some new people joined our sixth form, some of the trouble-makers left and things became a lot better. Please try not to think too much about ending your life because of this - you have so much fun stuff ahead of you and millions of chances to make new and better friends, try not to let the pettiness and silliness of those around you get you down. I know it's easier said than done, but is there anyone else you can talk to about how you feel? Another relative apart from your mum, maybe? Or a tutor or someone at school? If not, try writing things down - I used to find that helped me loads, as getting out all my anger helped me move on from it and concentrate on other things.

I don't know if I've been much help, and I'm not trying to patronise you as I do remember how much things like this used to affect me. I just wanted to tell you that others have been where you are now and have come out the other side The friends I made in sixth form and beyond have ended up being some of the best ones I've ever had. Maybe try joining some new groups or activities and meeting other people you've got things in common with - you sound like a friendly, smart person so there's no reason you won't make new friends who will treat you better. Good luck and keep posting (I always find posting here helps when something's bothering me) x

Former Member

i hope this doesnt come out the wrong way....
in year 11 at school i felt like my friends were the most important people in my life and yours sound very similar to mine. we were always falling out and it used to upset me. its only now (im 22) that i look back and think 'god why was i so bothered?!' and you will do the same once you leave school.
it seems terrible and upsetting now for them to act like this, but it really doesnt matter for anything in the long run. at 15/16 girls are bitches! plain and simple! and it is very likely that you wont even be friends with any of these girls or guys in a few years time!
when i left school at the end of year 12, i thought we would stay friends.....i now have a total new group of friends and i speak to my old ones very occasionally....in actual fact until i was pregnant i hadnt spoken to 3 of them in about 4 years!

what im trying to say is although its hard, try not to let it get to you too much as you will soon look back and wonder why on earth you let them upset you so much!

Former Member

thanks for the comments back.
me and Abby have jsut made up the other day.
but now shes fallen out with me again!
she wouldnt let me sit down and i called her a fat trannie.
not being in a mean way but as a joke but she is rather a big girl,
and is concious about her wieght and i apolagised and didnt think shed take it to heart but she has, and she still isnt talking to me.
and this time it feels like she wont make up with me.
and that it will be history repeating itself.

and this guy. Ben, the guy that i used to like and he used to like me but things didnt work out and now my bestt mates getting with him.
me and Ben never talk anymore, which dosen't bother me.
but i really do feel left out now because if them two go out then it will be them and Abby and Ben's follower Chirs.
i kinda had a go at Ben because i heard he was saying shit about me,
he denied it which annoyed me more, and then he wonders why i dont like him.

im just getting really depressed lately because i feel like i cant trust or turn to anyone.
if i tell a teacher then ill end up in tears and they wont really be able to help. and i wouldnt know what to say anyway,
i feel like my life is going down hill. and after year11 ive decided im leaving my area, and going to college then to university to be a nurse. which is my dream career. if i had to stay in touch with one person it would be gemma.
ive gotten to the point where ive felt i cant be bothered anymore, because theirs no point in having friends that dont act like it!
but i dotn want to spend the next year being akward with Abby in school when shes in my lessons and we both hang out with Gemma so we will be with eachother basically 24/7. im sooo confused.


help needed. again!
thanks.

Former Member

With what you've just told us there, is there any chance that you are acting in a way to make your friends fall out with you? Be honest with yourself.

When I was 16 I was incredibly conscious about my weight and having someone who was meant to be my friend call me a fat trannie would have really upset me.

It doesn't sound like this Abby is an angel either but I think you both need to take a look at how you're behaving. Perhaps you're acting aggressively because you're upset and worried, but all your mates can see is attitude. Perhaps Ben wasn't saying shit about you - but instead of asking him you "had a go at him" which again, is going to confirm that you've got an attitude.

Do you see what I'm saying? I'm not having a go at you, I just think that everyone is probably a bit confused by how you're acting and it's easy to overreact and get emotional about it all.

I think you could definitely do with talking to someone about all of this. Even if there isn't anyone you trust at school or home, Childline, or the Samaritans, or even Connexxions can all give you anonymous counselling and advice.

Being a teenager is shit. The consolation is, it does get better. Hang in there

Former Member

hmm i see where your coming from,
but Ben spoke to Abby about like what i said he'd said and then i said it wasnt her that told me but he said about her saying it and so obviously he must of said it for him to have a go at the girl that told me.
but she got annoyed with me about saying about it and then she denyed what she'd told me!

and she knows i would never on purposely hurt her EVER!
and she knows that.
and i know i was out of order to say that but i think shes over reacting.

now in school its shit
all today shes made petty comments behind my back with the other girls that dont like me! and i cant stand putting up with it.
im soo lonley and feel like i have noone. i cant put up with all this again.

Former Member

feel left out!

Hi Lauren - Welcome to the boards! :wave:

I sympathise and fully remember what you're going through, like the other posts I remember this make-up break-up cycle and remember the pain and the anger that goes with that. Its not nice when its your turn for the break up and sometimes the make-up part comes too soon, when you're not ready for it.

Its great you've got a plan for the future - to be a nurse is a great vocation and a very useful career, did you know you can move all over the world with a nursing qualification, work anywhere you'd like!

The suggestion of writing a diary is a very good one. It might seem silly but when you're angry and hurt its not nice carrying round all of that with you every day and can easily get you down. A diary gives you a vent for all of that and just getting it all down on paper or typed out (if you're sure your computer isn't shared or can set up a password!) can really really help.

You can always rip it up afterwards or delete it if its on the computer. I kept mine and still write from time to time, looking back and seeing how I felt makes me understand myself better.

Heres an advice article from TheSite.org gives some pointers of how to survive rows and what to do after.

I realise this may not help much but everyone who has responded is right, school life seems totally the whole world when you're there. But after you leave you move on to bigger and better things and meet many many new people.

If you don't want to do 6th form at your school, maybe talk to your parents about going to a 6th form college in the area? Maybe visit a few? With a plan in place to leave you might find you calm down at school.

The most important thing is to make sure you get good GCSE grades to move on with your plans. Friends are important, very important but your life does go on and WILL get better - much better if you have the grades to be a great nurse.

Take heart from that and look after yourself. The best thing to do is to try to rise above it (difficult though that is) and not get involved in the back and forth circle of arguments. If they sense that you're not playing these games any more perhaps they'll leave off the arguments? Might be worth a try.

You've said your mum doesn't understand but I'll bet she went through similar or knows people who did. Maybe try to talk to her again or speak to your favourite teacher, I'm sure they'd help.

Either way, keep posting here, we've all either been there or are there at the moment and know what it felt / feels like.

Good luck and hope things get better for you soon.

Lisa