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Lack of sex and closeness ended our relationship
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Advice / guidence appreciated;
Me(35 and my g/f 28 ) split up about two months ago after being together over 2yrs. It was on the whole a great relationship, we have so many great memories, however a while back for some reason i was unable to perform in bed , at the time didnt think much of it, but then it happend again and again, a day became a week and so forth. I became more scared/insecure in myself and it started to effect other areas of our relationship, closeness, feeling wanted, i bottled things up rather than talking to her, which pushed her away further. Why i didnt step back and realise the seriousness of what was happening at the time i will never know.
She did try to talk to me about things, i know that, but i buried my head in the sand, rather then dealing with the issue,which was fixable. In the end, her love for me was not enough to stay to gether, she no longer felt wanted, special, close to me. Time has gone on and allowed me to reflect , why i didnt deal with it at the time i will never understand as my heart wanted to get closer to her, but i pushed her away.
She was the most important relationship i have had. Now i dont know what to do. I would love to give it a second, fresh start as because the problems developed, in my heart i know they can be fixed as they were related. But i also know its only her that can decide if she wants to give it a second chance (she is still in contact with me from time to time), if i went to her with this approach, it would push her away I fear.
I have accepted that it is all over and looking back yes something had to give, but because when we were together we didnt have a big heart to heart before it was too late and at the time of spliting up i/we were all emotional i feel that there are loose ends, wel for me anyway.
So I was thinking would it be advisable to write to her just saying i accept our break up, but letting her know that i acknowledge the problems and that that i played a part in our relationship going wrong and i take responsibility for my part and maybe explain why i didnt deal with it at the time (i was scared and vulnurable) etc, thats my regret not opening up to her and talking to her, so important.
Or i dont do a letter, leave it, make myself a better person etc and maybe in time we will get together for a drink /bite to eat etc and she will see that i a new me, the me i was when she met me.
Me(35 and my g/f 28 ) split up about two months ago after being together over 2yrs. It was on the whole a great relationship, we have so many great memories, however a while back for some reason i was unable to perform in bed , at the time didnt think much of it, but then it happend again and again, a day became a week and so forth. I became more scared/insecure in myself and it started to effect other areas of our relationship, closeness, feeling wanted, i bottled things up rather than talking to her, which pushed her away further. Why i didnt step back and realise the seriousness of what was happening at the time i will never know.
She did try to talk to me about things, i know that, but i buried my head in the sand, rather then dealing with the issue,which was fixable. In the end, her love for me was not enough to stay to gether, she no longer felt wanted, special, close to me. Time has gone on and allowed me to reflect , why i didnt deal with it at the time i will never understand as my heart wanted to get closer to her, but i pushed her away.
She was the most important relationship i have had. Now i dont know what to do. I would love to give it a second, fresh start as because the problems developed, in my heart i know they can be fixed as they were related. But i also know its only her that can decide if she wants to give it a second chance (she is still in contact with me from time to time), if i went to her with this approach, it would push her away I fear.
I have accepted that it is all over and looking back yes something had to give, but because when we were together we didnt have a big heart to heart before it was too late and at the time of spliting up i/we were all emotional i feel that there are loose ends, wel for me anyway.
So I was thinking would it be advisable to write to her just saying i accept our break up, but letting her know that i acknowledge the problems and that that i played a part in our relationship going wrong and i take responsibility for my part and maybe explain why i didnt deal with it at the time (i was scared and vulnurable) etc, thats my regret not opening up to her and talking to her, so important.
Or i dont do a letter, leave it, make myself a better person etc and maybe in time we will get together for a drink /bite to eat etc and she will see that i a new me, the me i was when she met me.
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