Friend Misunderstanding

Former Member

Beginning of July I went away for a few days with some friends to a caravan. It didn't go well with 2 people going out of the way to annoy the other 3 of us, the more we pointed out things they were doing to aggravate us, the more they did it. Ended up becoming good friends with my mate's bf as we shared a lot of common ground and he was good to talk to.

Ever since we came back my friend has been very meh towards me ie making nasty comments about my bf, not inviting me to things that the rest of our group of friends are invited to etc. I've seen her a couple of times, took her out with some friends after her relationship ended to try to cheer her up, but she's been a bit off towards me on all occasions.

Yesterday went out to lunch with my best mate who I've not seen for a while due to our work commitments. I made a passing comment to him about the situation with our friend and he told me something that made me really upset and angry. After the holiday she went out with my best mate and another of our friends and went on a huge rant about how she thought there was something going on between me and her bf. I was shocked by this as she knows that I've been with my man for over a year now and wouldn't want to do anything to hurt him (or her for that matter) and secondly that she thought that about her bf as he is a very nice man and wouldn't do that to her, nor did he show any feelings for me.

My best made told me not to dwell on it but I can't help but feel hurt that she thought these things and didn't mention it to me or her bf. We're meant to be going out a couple of the times in the next week as we're going to uni soon and I don't really know what to do about the situation. Any suggestions would be most welcome!

Former Member

Hi Marina

Sorry to hear you’re having a bit of a hard time. There could be loads of reasons why your friend said these things about you but it sounds like she may have been a bit jealous. Perhaps she felt threatened by you and her boyfriend getting on so well even though she knows you are happily in a relationship.

Jealousy can be really destructive if you don’t know how to deal with it. It seems as if she let it get the better of her and that resulted in her gossiping to everyone.

She may well be feeling bad about the whole thing but you won’t know until you talk to her about it. You may want to choose a good moment and explain that she’s hurt your feelings but also try to focus on putting it behind you and trusting one another in the future.

Like you said if you’re off to uni soon you don’t want this to be playing on your mind. Good luck and remember all friendships have their ups and downs but I’m sure you can work this out

Former Member

Thanks for that. I will try to talk to her I just don't know that there will be an appropriate time, or if she will be angry that someone told me what happened.

Former Member

It can be really hard to bring these things up and there's never a perfect time. She may react badly but she may just be embarrassed that you've caught her out.

At least you'll have got it off your chest which in itself should make you feel a lot better, after that the ball is in her court really. Hope it goes well

Former Member

you have to be extra sensitive about getting pally with your friends boyfriend. Even if theres nothing going on, thats the sort of thing lots of people would be funny about, so its a bit naive if you thought shed be ok with it. I think you need to try harder to prove to her youre not a threat.

Former Member

Yeah I just kinda thought as we've known each other since primary school and that she's friends with my bf it would be ok. I will try to talk to her if she goes outside/toilets by herself when we meet tonight.

(This is all of course if I can my bf to wake up as he came up to my room and has crashed out snoring on my bed )