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cocaine addiction....help!

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Im new here but thought it might help with advice i so need at the moment. i found out my bf was addicted to coke, he admitted it to me and told me he was trying to come clean ..i always think people need a chance in life - so he was going to see a councillor, and slowly coming off the thing or so i thought ..i know it aint easy and have read up on so much info about coke ...he lasted 5 days then was back on it. What i really want to know is do i walk and save myself the hurt i can see already happening or do i stick with it ? How many chances do i give him when he slips and has a snort? surely if i keep giving him chances hes gna think ahh its okay??

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi salem8 and welcome to The Site.

    Sounds like he's having problems and so there are a number of things to consider;

    1) Your safety - depending on how deep he gets in, there are a number of dangers to the cocaine user because of their use, who with and where they have to associate to get it, the running up of debts and the potential for serious use to cause changes in behaviour.

    The first thing is to make sure that you keep a look out for yourself - you know your bf and what he is like, so keep an eye out for changes in behaviour or mood - don't hesistate to take yourself out of a situation or refuse to do something if you think its putting you in danger.

    2) If he's trying to come off it and has a problem, its rarely a case of deciding and then stopping - people relapse, and the road to recovery is hardly ever a smooth one.

    The thing about Cocaine is that it is a drug of triggers - things, places, people and the taking of other substances may make him more likely to use. Helping him avoid trigger (like friends who use, clubs, or drinking if he likes a snort when he drinks - the last one is key for a lot of coke users as an association can develop in the brain between alcohol and cocaine over time.

    3) If you love him, make it clear that he has to change but give him lots of positive encouragement - remind him that this is important to you and let him know when you think he is doing well.

    Sorry this is a little rushed, I am just heading out the door - I will try to follow up on the above later today but you may like to give these a call.

    http://www.release.org.uk/
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanxs for replying. his moods have changed..seems more selfish,moody etc and not very affectionate etc. i was giving him encouragement..pleased he was doing so well etc but now he tells me hes back on it! walk or stay ?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    if he is trying to get off it then stay with him encourage him and let him now your there for him but dnt let him give you shit. if he decides hes on it and you have to put up with it then just tell him you will leave him if he doesnt seriously make an effort. i know its hard when its someone you love but i can assure you it will be harder to see him losing his home due to debt, getting beat up on the street for owing money, and to watch him slowly destroy his life bit by bit. sorry that is very steriotypical and doesnty happen to everyone but it happens to enough. just remember to put yourself before him i know it seems harsh but you will end up getting more hurt if yu dont.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    pleased he was doing so well etc but now he tells me hes back on it! walk or stay ?

    Only you can decide...personally I know couples who have helped each other through substance use problems, and have been real pillars of strength for one another. Equally I can recall one guy telling me privately 'my Mrs. doesn't like it, but I was taking drugs before I saw her and I'll be on em long after she's gone' - a statement which really brought into sharp relief how he saw the relationship.

    You need to work out how committed both you and he are to this, and if you want him to stop or at least help him cut his use then you might have to let him make that decision - coke or you. I'm not telling you that you should do this, just stating that, if you are concerned this deeply about him then this might be the only way he'll see his way to doing something about it.
    seems more selfish,moody etc and not very affectionate etc. i was giving him encouragement

    classic coke dependency behaviour - thats why they call it wanker powder, not to put too fine a point on it. Some people can just take it occasionally, as a weekend thing, like a bottle of champagne type thing on special occasions. Unfortunately all too many people move from this into the type of thing you are describing, and that sad truth is that it is very unusual for someone to then be able to go back to occasional use of a small amount from a dependency. It may well be a case of relapse and stop.

    Like I said before though, you need to think about yourself - I would seriously suggest ringing the charity I listed (Release). This page -

    http://www.addaction.org.uk/Info.html

    will also be able to give you help finding service in your area. These services are not just for him but for you as well; they are there to support and inform the close friends/loved ones/families of users to help them help the person they care about.

    There are good reasons for doing this;

    1) Getting yourself informed will help you prepare mentally for helping him through this and let you know a bit of what to expect from people who've been in similar positions. This may help you deal with things like if he relapses, and learn ways to help him prevent this happening again.

    2) Arming yourself with knowledge will help reassure him or convince him that you know what you are talking about this, and make it harder for him to find the 'she's just scared/prejudiced against drug use and doesn't understand' excuse. It's also always good to know about the effects of any substance anyway.

    Taking all of the above into account however, there is still one major proviso - you can't change him if he doesn't want to. You can help and support, but you can't force - and unfortunately only you can know when you've crossed that line.

    I hope the above is helpful - please let us know how things go, and come back if there is anything else you need to know :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I cant really add more that our East End gangsta Martin has said, but I'd definitely give Release a call, they are good people and they will be able to help you.
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