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Love - does it exist?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'm sorry if this sounds really emo-ish and stupid but just wondering if anyone out there believes in/has found love? If so, did you always believe in it? How old were you when you 'found' love?

I'm only 19, and its not that I'm desperate for a relationship or desperate for love.. I'm just worried because although I've had relationships, I've never really felt in love and I'm worried I'm incapable of feeling it.

Sorry again if this is really stupid!

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It depends entirely on your view of our conscious minds and whether our emotions are actually 'real' or not. In all likelihood they are a mixture of electrical impulses and bio-chemical neuro transmitters, which although incredibly small are 'real' in the physical sense of the word. But that may not have been the angle you were looking for.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yes it does!

    But i'm soppy and can fall in love with just about anything - but especially cats in need of a good home - purrrr
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Im trying to figure this one out and im over 30. I've not really felt what I thought was love since a girlfriend when I was about 18. At the time I just felt she was amazing, thought about her all the time and would have done anything to be with her. Unfortunately she went to uni at the other end of the country and didnt feel strongly enough about me to keep it going as we had been friends for a while but were only just getting into the relationship at that time. Looking back I had a few other situations with girls I felt I was in love with in my teens which faded pretty quickly, now I wonder if those feelings were just crazy teen hormones ruling my head rather than real love, plus there were too many power ballads playing on the radio back in those days making us all want some sort of grown up relationship!

    Later on into my 20's I have been involved with various nice girls but never really felt love, they were just right people for the time and nothing serious, both them and me knew that. I think the sensible, rational, independant person in me never really alowed me to take my brain out and get too involved with someone maybe fearing it could all go wrong. Now in my 30's im with someone I think is gorgeous, fun, intelligent etc who I really fancy. We never have a crossed word and our lives fit into each others just fine. I think the world of her, need nobody else but I just don't know if I love her in the sense that I expect love to be or maybe its just made out to be. TBH Im very happy in our relationship and see no reason to change anything but it would be nice of some sort of love thing could creep up and hit me over the head so I can actually say it to her as its something im not going to say until I really mean it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yes it exists but i dont think everyone gets it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yes, it does.

    And I'd like to think we can all find it, but some of us are looking in the wrong places.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yes it exists but i dont think everyone gets it.

    Do you mean that not everyone has it or not everyone knows they have it?

    I think not everyone knows they have it. I think if you're looking for a fairytale happily ever after, never argue (not even about the dishes) and have simultaneous orgasms together then you're gonna be sorely disappointed. You have to work at love. No-one warns you about this though.

    Don't worry that you haven't found love yet though. You're still young. It will happen :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i have just one thing to say. Wait . love will find you dont rush into it coz if you do you mite get heartbroken take it from a women who knows. love is nice to be in but dont rush into it, its a dangerous place to put your mind. Youll find love just wait your only 19 you have all the time in the world.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    kangoo wrote: »
    Do you mean that not everyone has it or not everyone knows they have it?

    I think not everyone knows they have it. I think if you're looking for a fairytale happily ever after, never argue (not even about the dishes) and have simultaneous orgasms together then you're gonna be sorely disappointed. You have to work at love. No-one warns you about this though.

    Don't worry that you haven't found love yet though. You're still young. It will happen :)

    I mean not everyone has it and not everyone finds it - tbh i think some people just arent open to it. If you ARE open to it then its on;ly a matter of time

    I think if someone has love, then theres no way they wouldnt know
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    A friend of my boyfriends said "Love is a myth". A myth is only a myth until you believe in it. So everyone has individual experiences, theres no quick find,you work at it and start to believe. (Thats my philosophical insite for the day.)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think its hard to quantify, as it does exist, but its different things to different people, in different situations.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I find it difficult to compare feelings for one person with those for another. I'd say it's not so much a case of whether you love someone, but more where they are on a scale of feelings influenced by many different factors.

    'Love' and being 'in love' are just our attempts at rationalising our confusing feelings. In scientific terms I'd say there are biochemical and psychological explanations for love. I choose to go with whatever feels right, without believing that something is 'meant to be'.

    I think life's too short to go chasing for an ideal you might never find - just take it as it comes, and you'll know when you're happy!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I find it difficult to compare feelings for one person with those for another. I'd say it's not so much a case of whether you love someone, but more where they are on a scale of feelings influenced by many different factors.

    'Love' and being 'in love' are just our attempts at rationalising our confusing feelings. In scientific terms I'd say there are biochemical and psychological explanations for love. I choose to go with whatever feels right, without believing that something is 'meant to be'.

    I think life's too short to go chasing for an ideal you might never find - just take it as it comes, and you'll know when you're happy!

    Second that. It's just the human mind trying to make meaning of such strong feelings. While it certainly feels good to be in love or to love someone, I think that (from an evolutionary perspective) these feelings have no other purpose than to help ensure the survival of the human race. While this might sound a bit deterministic to some, it doesn't have to be, because it's up to us to try to make the best of it beyond these feelings. I guess you can say that they are a push in the right direction, but the rest is up to us.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm not sure it does really... I think we like to believe it does to make ourselves feel better.

    Bit like god really! :p

    Love is a word that gets thrown around far too much. Funny how people can say.... 'I love my bf/gf but i've cheated on them'. I think far too many people believe in love out of necessity to avoid being alone!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Harmless wrote: »
    Love is a word that gets thrown around far too much. Funny how people can say.... 'I love my bf/gf but i've cheated on them'.
    This really depends on whether those people believe in love the way you do, and also whether you believe it's possible that you really can love someone if you are able to cheat on them. I don't see why the two are necessarily mutually exclusive - of course cheating is a bad thing to do, but it says more about the person doing the cheating than about some fairytale built up around the relationship because they say they're in love.

    Again, this is a word, 'love', being used to mean whatever someone wants it to mean. If you cheat, you're a dick, but it doesn't mean you don't love your partner just as much, if not more than many other people. Because no matter what anyone says, there is no fixed definition of love, so you have no way of knowing whether those people who cheat truly 'love' their partner or not. It's far too subjective to use words like that so freely to cover such a plethora of situations.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm 22 and never really were in love. Maybe once... or twice...
    who cares? Rather fall in love with the right one, instead of falling for a lot of creeps.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think that we apply our own meanings to the experiences we encounter.

    I don't believe in romantic love, soul mates and all that jazz. I think that we are animals. At the same time, I think we do bond, sometimes quite beautifully and that we can choose to call that "love".

    Awesome clip
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Romantic love, right?

    My own opinion on "it" is that it most definitely exists and it lasts [or can last], but not always in the same form as it began. For instance, strong attraction and elation, that head-over-heels giddy love and all-consuming-fire-in-the-ole-loins lust may be a lot more common in the earlier stages, and contentment and companionship more characteristic of later stages. Sometimes, it's different for everyone. I do know it exists though, there's no greater proof than your own feelings, after all.

    But yeah, I definitely agree that it's hard to find, and with SCC's sentiment that not all people are open to it. Maybe because it's such a double-edged sword, scary and exciting. It can happen. I like to think (and I do think) that it does happen for most people. For some people it can happen again and again and again. I've been in love more than once, I've loved and do love lots of people. I like to think that those differing feelings of love are just an indication of how crazy and wonderful and different love can be at different times and with a different dynamic... rather than meaning you didn't love before, or cheapening it at all. If that makes sense.

    The caveat being that there are no guarantees and there's no surefire way of finding or keeping it. Good luck and patience and the willingness to take some chances are key in my view, but try not to lose your mind completely while you're at it. That can happen... the whole "losing of the mind" thing :razz:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Briggi knows everything, from blowjobs to love, she has it all!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How can it not exist. I can honestly say my world would come crashing down if I thought for one second that I'd never find love. The possibility of finding love is what keeps me going....
  • **helen****helen** Mod malarkist Posts: 9,235 Listening Ear
    Namaste wrote: »
    I think that we apply our own meanings to the experiences we encounter.

    I don't believe in romantic love, soul mates and all that jazz. I think that we are animals. At the same time, I think we do bond, sometimes quite beautifully and that we can choose to call that "love".

    Awesome clip

    I totally agree with briggi on this, but I like that too Namaste - it's my new sig.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think sel needs an octopus for a mod using her quote as a sig
  • **helen****helen** Mod malarkist Posts: 9,235 Listening Ear
    i think sel needs an octopus for a mod using her quote as a sig

    :) Indeed - I'll PM her.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You fall in love with the people you least expect. Like i thought i was a straight girl destined to be alone forever...and then i fell in love with my best girl mate. been together ever since. you can never tell. love is probably right around the corner.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Load of bollox.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I definitely believe in love. I think that you will know when you find it. It is an indescribable feeling. There is not age that you are supposed to find love by. Patience is the key to love. With patience you will find it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm sceptical if there's such a black and white distinction between "in love" and "not in love" though?? All my emotions for different people have always been grey areas between 'fancying', 'lusting', 'obsession', 'adoration', 'infatuation' etc that I can't tell if I've 'been in love' or not, and no I don't buy the 'you'll know it when you are' because there's some girls I've been so madly crazy about but that could be obsession not love?

    The problem here is the number of girls who've said "I love you" and I've had to say it back without meaning it given I'm sceptical it even exists...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yes, it exists.
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