Living with Partner - Help!

Former Member

My girlfriend and I have been together for nearly a year. Despite the last episode with the parents, she moved into my flat, and I thought we were getting along great. Until the other day.

She's turned around and said that she wants to move out. I ask why, and get a list of reasons longer than your arm. We have nothing in common, I'm stressed, we don't have much of a sex life, she just wants to relax at home and feels she can't. Fair enough, I'd rather hear the truth than be left wondering why she wants to move out. She's even gone and lined up some viewings to live elsewhere.

Granted, I'm not the most laid back person in the world, but I'm not violent or anything like that. Sometimes I get stressed, but since the flat move, that's stopped (and that was a few months ago). I'd say we have quite a few things in common, but we also do our own thing from time to time. From day one, she's seen this, and we've both done this, and it's been fine - so why the issue now?

I think I have some personal issues to sort out, which have meant that I've changed in who I am. Not in a bad way, but I'm not as open or as fun as I used to be. There's just some stuff that I need to talk to someone else about - ideally a counseller, I guess. I'd explained this to her, but to be honest it seemed to just wash over. I was hoping for a bit of support, but apparently that isn't happening.

It's the first time I've lived with a girlfriend. I appreciate living with people, especially when it's that close, can cause problems - I'm keen to sort them out, and she seemed to make the ultimatum that it needs sorting in a week or else. As far as I'm concerned, though, anyone who says they want to move out, and then backs down from that, is just trying to push for a reaction.

It also all seems to be about her - to be blunt, I've not really enjoyed living with her that much, as she's quite lazy and just doesn't seem to have a lot of drive (which is harsh, because I wouldn't say it like that). I've thought about ending it for a while, as despite making more of an effort than I ever have, it just doesn't seem to be good enough, and I just feel shit and think I'm a nobody. I'm not sure how she'd live somewhere else in the city, given that she's only getting temporary work here and there. A part of me is being stupid and feeling sorry for her, because of the long list of problems she's had in the past - and if this relationship goes wrong, it could cause her these problems again, which I'd then personally feel bad about. Sounds stupid, doesn't it?

Don't get me wrong - she's not the bossy, argumentative type. If anything, she's pretty easy going, and that's one of the reasons I love her, because we can just be ourselves and it's absolutely fine. It just seems there's a lot of shit, and I don't know whether to end things now, or give it a go and run the risk of it getting worse.

Sorry for the long, disjointed rambling post. I'm just at a bit of a loss as to whether to end things or not. I don't think her moving out and trying the relationship will work - it's more serious than that.

Thanks for listening.

Former Member

It's a difficult situation to be in there are a lot of people who would say its best to get out when you know its not working than be hanging around for months trying to make it work... and there are others who would say if somethings worth fighting for then you should give it your best go.

I guess what it finally comes down to is how you feel. If you are uncertain its going to be worth it then ultimately is the relationship going to work in the long run - I think you need to be committed to making it work. But if you feel like you really want this to work then you shouldn't let issues stand in your way.

Best of luck!

Former Member

Thanks. The thing is, I've been here before, and just feel that when it comes down to these issues, the blame is always attributed to me. That either means I'm getting sick of this, so want to end it, or I am to blame, and clearly haven't done enough to sort things out in the past few months.

I guess I'm just out of time and ideas as to what to do any more.

Thanks for your help though.

Former Member

Living together either makes or breaks a relationship. If you think she's lazy and to blame for everything and she thinks your demented and to blame for everything then I don't really think there's that much hope for your relationship. Loving her isn't really enough to make it work, even liking them isn't enough, you have to be able to live with them, warts and all.

For whatever reason you cannot live together. Bad news, but it sounds like it is over. It could work, but if your respect for each other has dropped so low then I don't really think there's much point in flogging a dead horse. Easier said than done, I know, but I think the relationship is dead from what you've said.

Former Member

Thanks Kermit - I think you're right, tbh.

It's a shame, because I thought we were getting on well together living together and all. I know it's not easy, and I've shared before on a renting basis, but not in a relationship.

To be honest, my confidence is at an all time low, and I think a lot of it is to do with her. It's a harsh thing to say, but making a break of things just seems to be a happy solution, as horrible as that sounds!

Former Member

Not all relationships work out, and it's not fault on either of you if this happens to be one of them.

Sounds like you'd both be happier seperate.

Former Member

Well, it's over. She wants out. Guess I saw that coming, but it's tough. This is the point where I realise it's pretty lonely, right?

Sleeping in the spare room for me tonight then.

Thanks for the answers though guys - useful to get some perspective on things.