against saying "Love"

Former Member

Just a little edited clip from my little ol journal. Thought I would get advice...

I just don't know how to deal with this love thing... I kept thinking maybe one day the boyfriend would say it, and it would be all nice and wonderful. Instead a couple fights ago, he said "I love you but I'm not in love with you." In a fight last night he said "you know how I feel... I'm not going to say it... its ingrained in me that I don't say that phrase..." So apperantly he "loves" me, so I just asked if I could hear it. He yelled "I told you already" He couldn't even say it once... it was all I asked for. I thought I would be happy when I learned that he loved me... but even though he says he does... I still havn't even heard it. Is it really a terrible thing to ask to hear it once? Does anybody else have a huge issue with saying it? Even when we fight he can't even say "love" He says "the phrase" or "it" or "that thing"

I grew up in a family where we told eachother that every single day. Apperantly his dad never says it and his mom forces him to tell her "too often."

How can somebody be so complety utterly against one word, when they supposidly actually feel it?

He knows I say I love you, its part of who I am, yet he is so set in stone that he cannot (re: willnot) change that one part of him. So it is I, who has to try to change that I can accept just assuming that somebody loves me and never ever hear it.

We've been together over three years...

Former Member

You know that I think you deserve someone much better than him. He is odd I think for not saying that he loves you. hug.

Former Member

If through his actions and words he makes you sure he loves you then I'd over look the fact that he doesnt say it. The actions are the important part, just saying it doesnt actually have to mean anything (sadly).

Former Member

budda wrote: »

If through his actions and words he makes you sure he loves you then I'd over look the fact that he doesnt say it. The actions are the important part, just saying it doesnt actually have to mean anything (sadly).

I agree. You've already said his family are very different from yours. It may just be the way he is brought up. If he shows you that he loves you and you are happy together otherwise then I would take that as a stronger indication towards his feelings. Anyone can say 'I love you'.

Former Member

do you feel loved? The fact that he has to make no effort to make you feel secure, in fact he actively makes you feel insecure - well thats more than the word. People can say that and not mean it. If he felt it, I think hed be bursting to tell you!!!

Former Member

Simba T Lion wrote: »

he said "I love you but I'm not in love with you."

I say this all the time to my friends though - however i can see that maybe if he is saying that being in love equates to the being in lust stuff that you get at the beginning then maybe its forgivable

Former Member

I agree with KHSS, and you know this M. You can't be in a one sided r/ship :no:

Former Member

My relationship was like that..he could never say the words that i longed to hear, even after 3 years..
Sadly the relationship ended not long ago..poss because he wasnt in love with me! If you're truely in love with someone then it shouldnt be a hard thing to say imo...

Former Member

RedOfTheRose wrote: »

I agree with KHSS, and you know this M. You can't be in a one sided r/ship :no:

And I agree with ROTR .... just because a family is 'different' doesn't mean that the individual has to stay 'different'. Actions do speak louder than words in many instances but in a truly loving relationship, both words and actions should go hand in hand.

Just as its 'only' words to say 'I love you', actions CAN be hollow too .... How many guilty, cheating partners might bring their 'loved' one home a bunch of flowers, for instance? Their 'actions' are hiding something else.

For me, if I really loved someone, I would expect words AND actions. A loving relationship should be based on trust, and a partner who is not prepared to say 'I love you', is not trusting their loved one with their deep emotion.

I am also a little concerned about his 'loving you but not being in love with you'. I'd keep an eye on him, if I were you. If he admits that you don't bring that jolt to his heart when he is with you, it may be that he finds it again through another woman.

Former Member

I would be very upset if my boyfriend didn't feel that I was important enough to share his feelings with, regardless of his family history he is his own person and should want to tell you how he feels, if only because he is aware of how important this is to you.