FAO: Adult surviors of abuse

Former Member

I'm not to sure where to start...

I am an adult survior of mental, physical, and sexual abuse. I feel incredibly alone, i don't know anyone else who has been through what i have and i feel abnormal. I suffer from depression and post traumatic stress, I've been recieving treatment since i was 15. My main problem now is that i want to be normal. I want to rebuild my life, and be able to live life like other non-abused people do. I feel alien, i have no family of such, and i'm very isolated. I'm not sure what i do or where i start, but it would be great to hear from other people that have been through what i have and come out the other side and are living without the cloud of being an adult survior of abuse.

thanks

Chicaboo

C Funk

Hello Chicaboo,

I?m so sorry to hear about your situation. You have clearly been treated very badly since a young age and this has had a big impact on all aspects of your life. Your feelings are completely understandable and you?re absolutely entitled to live the normal life that you desire.

Survivors of abuse often feel alone and have low self-esteem as these are the results of being hurt by somebody you trusted, but you have to remember that you are not alone. There are lots of people that you can speak to either face-to-face or over the phone. The NSPCC has an advice line for adults that you may want to call. This is 0808 800 5000. Alternatively you can send an email to help@nspcc.org.uk. The Samaritans also offer advice to anyone who is feeling depressed and wants to speak to somebody. You can call them on 08457 90 90 90 or send an email to jo@samaritans.org.

You are clearly showing your intentions to move on from this chapter of your life by getting treatment. I think that this will undoubtedly help you regain your confidence and lead to you forming lasting relationship with people who you trust.

I truly hope everything goes well for you. If you want any more information about speaking to people who?ve had similar experiences feel free to ask TheSite.org?s question service AskTheSite. You?ll get an answer from a trained counsellor within three days.

Chris

Former Member

Hey Chica_boo,

I am so sorry to hear about what you have been through. I can offer you my story I hope it helps...

I never suffered any physical or sexual abuse as a child but did suffer from severe emotional abuse and neglect from both my parents throughout my childhood. I didn't know what was going on when it was happening, I thought it was normal and I was always extremely over protective of my parents. I don't have any other family and didn't want to loose them, I also felt guilty because my Mum suffered sexual abuse at the hands or her Dad and I thought it was my responsability to resolve it and protect her.

Anyway after years of this it really screwed up my head, like big time and I grew thinking that everyone hated me and I was worth nothing. I believed this 100%, I didn't feel bad about it as such I just accepted it.

At 16 I left home and moved to London to start dancing training. This was the best desicion I ever made. I had previously suffered severe Eczema from the stress of living at home and as soon as I left it disappeared. Even though it was great to get away I was now free to fall apart as I wasn't confined with the boundaries of home. And I did...

Overdoses, self-harm, catotonic depression, post traumatic stress disorder, I was obsessed with suicide, a breakdown in all of my relationships...the whole thing was a complete mess. I didn't have any help, mental health services were awful and my family are good for not much accept hurting me more so I was lost and left to get worse. My the end of my first year I was a mess and had a term off from college. I pushed on clueless as to what else I should do. During that year I was also raped; carelessness on my part, even though it wasn't my fault it didn't help that I was so ill.

I carried on like that for a year and by Easter 07 (I was now in my second year at college, aged 17) I couldn't do it anymore and attempted suicide. From there I was admitted to hospital and was there for about 2 months. I spent my 18th birthday in there and got transfered to an awful ward because I wasn't funded to be in the adolsecent place anymore. This was horrifc and I was worse than when I went in.

So by the end of my second year in London, now 18, I had lost my boyfriend, all my friends, I had been chucked out of school and my flat, my parents didn't want me in the house, I had no money, I had just been through all this shit and had no future.

It's now a year later and things couldn't be more different. By January of this year I managed to move in with some good friends. Mental health services have still been awful and I can't afford anything private however through shear determination I managed to work through at lot of my issues myself. It's the hardest thing I have ever had to do but the only reason I am still here is because I am blinded in knowing that it's not over til its over. I've managed to let my Mum go and now have no contact with her, I've been much happier since this even though it's been really hard. I've stablised my relationship with my Dad. I've stopped self harming and think about suicide less. I aim to keep routine as much as possible, getting out and talking to people about normal things. I now have a place at university for Septmeber and am going to spend my time between now and then wisely.

I think the only reason I am a bit better is because I never stop pushing myself. Even when I say am I giving up or feel like I can't do it anymore there is still a tiny part of me that doesn't believe it. Basic things like eating well, sleeping enough, socialising, doing things that interest you, finding something small to push you through, talk to people. I know this may sound silly when things are so bad and it can't be much help when i can't say exactly what changed but I guess I want you to know that it is possible and sometimes just waiting for time to pass is all you can do.

I have been stuck in everything for years but I try and not think about stuff as much anymore and focus on things like my little sister and the future.

Please PM me anytime. x

Former Member

Chica,

You're not alone. I spent much of my childhood believing that everyones parents were like mine - nice to the friends of their children, yet beating them on a frequent basis. I've watched my mother break kitchen utensils from beating my sister, go to the kitchen to replace them, and come back for another savage bout of pain.

I remember what it was like to now know where the next meal was coming from, nor the money for schoolwork equipment. To wear my shoes down to the uppers, to go to school in the same filthy uniform I'd worn for the previous weeks.

You are just as normal as many people around you are. However, you are blessed with a magical gift - the gift of understanding. Whatever situations people around you face, the chances are they'll not astonish you. Little will frighten you, little will make you wince.

You're one of the best-friends people are likely to ever have. Hold on to that, because it'll be bloody important to a lot of people over the years. You will be bloody important to a lot of people over the years.

You're welcome to PM me if you're ever stuck.

ETA - same to you, K8i.

--Rich

Former Member

Ever since I first read your post chica_boo I wanted to reply but I couldn't think of what to say. Now I still can't think of anything much to say but I just wanted to reply to your so that you know you are not alone. I don't really consider myself a 'survivor' as I don't feel like I've 'survived', I still struggle loads on a day-to-day basis and have a lot of mental health problems.

How old are you now? Also, and you don't have to answer this at all, can you say anything of the specifics of how it affects you day-to-day? I mean for example do you have flashbacks? Trouble trusting people? I just ask because then I may be able to help with some more specific things that have helped me. Please don't feel you have to write anymore than you feel comfortable with.